If you are under 18, don't bother asking
your parents about this subject. They have no clue.
Where is it?
Beep beep beep beep. BINGO.
August 13, 2001
I'm thinking out loud here, so bear with me for a moment. It seems to
me that everybody out there is looking for something. We all need answers
to our questions. Some people look for happiness, some look for spirituality,
others look for money, fame, love, God, forgiveness, kindness, or the meaning
of life. I too, like everybody else, am looking for things in life -- things
that are meaningful and important to me.
I, for example, am looking for the G-Spot. That's right folks. For the
life of me, I can not find the damn thing. Forget about it. I don't even
think it exists. I'm convinced that women have made it up to make men act
like bunch of idiots. It's not like my life isn't complicated enough or
I have no problems of my own to deal with, now I have to worry about finding
a small organ buried under lumps of epidermis.
What's going on here? Is this another one of the nature's cruel jokes
on men? We have invented devices that help find our way around just about
anything. We have invented topographic maps, compass, radar, smart bombs,
and GPS systems, which can pin point locations and lead us to our destinations
with deadly accuracy.
So how come no one has invented a G-Spot positioning system? A device
that helps men locate the offending object without making an ass out of
themselves. I'm talking, some kind of a 007 gadget that would lead us straight
to the target... Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep. BINGO.
Don't get me wrong; I am not lazy or idle and I definitely put in my
share of enthusiasm in this whole "intimate relationship" thing;
but give me a break.
I tell you what else I'm looking for. I'm looking for a machine that
enables men to distinguish a genuine orgasm from a fake one. A kind of lie
detector, which all these probes and wires can be connected to the wife
or the girlfriend, and let's me analyze her orgasm by looking at a chart.
This will take the guesswork out of lovemaking and brings honesty back into
"Honey, looking at these charts, you have had two real orgasms and
twelve fake ones. I guess, I need to work harder next time!"
This will also help validate men's claims of manliness and separate truth
"Dude, my girlfriend had zillions of orgasms last night."
"Oh yeah? Let me see her chart."
This device will open up new avenues for competition and reality TV shows
were men can compare charts and expert panel can analyze their performance.
Men can bring their chart on the first date and present the prospect with
real testimonial of their abilities in bed. Women can present the chart
to the court as evidence making strong divorce cases against their man.
"Your honor, look at this chart. I have had fifty fake orgasms last
month alone. What kind of a man is this?"
I don't know what you are looking for in life. But I am looking for things
that make life a bit simpler.