Have you came across a situation that made you laugh, however, your American friends did not have any clue what the hell you were laughing about? Have you heard the story of an Iranian couple, who were relatively new to this country, and invited a few of their American friends to their house? The American friends were curious why this family had no children. So, they asked the couple inquiringly why they didn’t have any children after so many years of marriage. The poor husband replied reluctantly, as he was pointing to his wife, do you know “her oven is blind” meaning that she was, in fact, barren. Likewise, an Iranian going to a grocery store and asked if they sell “head of lion” (sar shir). Or, the story of an old lady who was coming to the US to see his son, they confiscated a bottle of “abghooreh” she had in her carryon bag at the airport, when they asked her to explain what was in the bottle, she said it was the “water of grape that is not arrived yet”

You probably have made funny translational mistakes, especially when you were relatively new to this country, simply because your English was as poor as the President Bush’s current approval rating. As a new student who came to this country in early 70s, I remember showing up for a party carrying a ladder with me because I was told that the food was on the house! When I was called for a job interview for the first time, I anxiously showed up at the store, went to the service desk and told the attending lady; I have a date (appointment) with your manager. You should see the sarcastic look on her face laughing at my expense. My second job interview wasn’t any less funny. After being interviewed by Mr. human- resource manager for about twenty minutes, I was rejected outright. As I was leaving his office, he told me amusingly, by the way Mr. Varjavand, I should tell you that my name is Mr. Moran. He was understandably upset because during the interview I kept calling him Mr. Moron, Mr. Moron.

Translational mishaps are like a two way streets. When I was in Iran not too long ago, I saw a doctor who was specialized in “children and other diseases”. While riding a public transportation bus, I was instructed that “in case of emergency, do not picnic (panic) break your widow (window). Similarly, as I was leaving a mosque, I was informed that if I cannot find my “shows” (shoes) please see the show keeper (shoe keeper).

Any way, what follows is a number of some Farsi expressions that are not necessarily funny unless they are translated into English. You may have heard some of them before. This list, which is by no means exhaustive, is your punishment for warding off the good writers from this site. To tell you the truth, I was so bored during the last spring break and tired of persistent watching of the weather channel. Staying idle is so unbearable for energetic individuals like me. I thought doing this may not be that tragic, but it is less tragic that going to Florida and jumping into empty pool. That is what a couple of my drunken students did last year. Thanks to over consumption of Tequila. I hope you have fun reading them. Please don’t feel sorry for me. I am not that desperate or bored, just hyperactive! They are not in any particular order;

1. You can’t eat him with seven pounds of sugar
2. Your hat is behind the crowd (klah passé maarekeh)
3. One hair from a bear is an opportunity
4. Don’t eat sad. This is the camel that sleeps at the door of everybody’s house
5. Did you see what kind of dust poured on my head?
6. You saw a camel, you didn’t see a camel
7. Go ahead, I have your weather
8. Your water and my water do not go into the same stream
9. Please open my difference (frghe sar) on the other side
10. I am sure there is a bowl under that half bowl
11. We count the chickens at the end of fall
12. Let’s say flower and hear flower
13. Did you eat the brain of a donkey?
14. Didn’t you have water? Didn’t you have bread? Was happiness kicking under your stomach?
15. You where, here where
16. What is your arithmetical word? (harfe hassab)
17. Don’t look at me left left
18. It is your aunt’s soup, it is your foot if you eat it, it is your foot if you don’t (ashe kashke khaleh)
19. His head smells like gourmet vegetables
20. He has hit himself to the last wire
21. He is hitting himself to Left Ali Ally (kooche ali chap)
22. He is the head of the donkey for us
23. The straw is not yours but the stomach is
24. He has bagged the yogurts
25. His partridge sings rooster
26. The Yellow dog is the brother of the jackal
27. He is very head to air (sar be hava)
28. There is honey in the garden, there is also the grape that is not arrived yet (ghooreh)
29. Did you pull (kashidan) the food?
30. Don’t make it one craw, forty craws
31. What bunch of flowers did you give to the water this time?
32. You spilled my reputation
33. Do you want your father's inheritance from me?
34. You decorated our party with your steps
35. Dance and foot smashing until the dog sounds the horn (booghe sag)
36. Water of the grape that is not arrived yet (ab ghooreh)
37. He also came out of the water inside-yellow (to zard)
38. His piece is in the oil
39. Can you please light up my homework?
40. You have read it blind
41. She cannot have any children. Her oven is blind
42. They have placed an arithmetical (hesabi) hat on your head
43. I will make you the coin of one money
44. Welcome, step on my eye
45. He didn’t even put the place of dog (mahale sag) on us
46. I go to give a head and an ear to water
47. I am not a native (ahle) of fighting and arguments
48. Are you the native of dealing?
49. I hit my stomach to the sea
50. Hasn’t your face gone yet?
51. Water has passed our head
52. New year house shaking
53. She does not talk easily. She wants the tongue’s rent (keraye zaban)
54. A fallen-place (ja oftadeh) man
55. We ate bread and salt together
56. All your works are vice versa (bar aks)
57. She couldn’t find any husband. The hot (daghe) of husband was left on her stomach
58. Woman satisfied, man satisfied, grave of judge’s father (gore pedar ghazi)
59. He is very head to account (sar be hesab). He even pools the hair out of yogurt
60. I am ready to be sacrificed for your tallness and your height (ghad va bala)
61. You hit foot-back (poshte pa) to your own luck
62. I am so angry. I want to hit head to desert
63. If Ali is camel driver, he knows where to park a camel
64. Tell me everything from garlic to onion
65. Don’t wrap (yourself) on my feather and leg (par va pacheh) so much
66. My stomach has done the weather of (has wished) water of meat (abghoosht)
67. His behind the work (poshte kar) is very good
68. He is one cloth (yek parcheh) of a gentleman
69. His ear is not a debtor to these letters
70. She was thinning behind the eye for me
71. Money is like the grass of the bear for him
72. He has eaten my money
73. Please don’t put head on my head
74. He thinks he is dropped from the nose of an elephant
75. These patches do not stick on me
76. As soon as the police came. They hit to the slit (chuck)
77. You can’t ride camel bowed bowed
78. He has poured my reputation
79. Please root out the noise of the story (ghale ghaziyyeh kandan)
80. Don’t make me the stone over the ice
81. Flower has opened from his flower
82. I didn’t paint my hair in the mill
83. I want to bring a subject to your width (be arz rasandan)
84. Sleep flew from my head
85. He has given the fart and received the bill
86. Work has passed the work
87. Don’t bring up my dog face
88. He is a one-rib (yek dandeh) person
89. I was so shocked, I ate place (ja khordan) arithmetically (hesabi)
90. That wasn’t a mouth-burning soup anyway
91. Money is the grass of the bear for him
92. Don’t break the bowl and the jug on my head
93. Please step down from Satan’s donkey
94. His money climbs up the snow-shovel
95. Please excuse me for colon lengthening (roodeh drazi)
96. Camel sees cotton seed in his dream
97. Don’t you try to rub syrup on my head

Please excuse the poor selection of words in some cases. Let me know if you can help with choice of more proper words.