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Advice

April 5, 2002
The Iranian

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* Charming, but insane

Dear Abjeeeez,

I have read most of your advices to the other Iranians, A bit boring but very helpful. I like the way you both talk, and give advice. I really look forward in meeting you.

Anyways, I was wondering if you could help me solve my problem. As an Iranian boy living in Iran, I have a lot of problems in my life, but besides that I have a girlfriend who is a pain in the ass. I can't believe God can create such a thing.

Since I really like both of you abjeeez, and I know you guys are really intelligent and helpful, I want to let you guys help me solve this problem.

Ok here it goes: You see I have girlfriend who is really sensitive, charming and very very attractive -- but a bit insance. I like her a lot and she loves me so much that she always says if she finds me with another girl she's going to kill me, then herself.

I got no problem with that because I don't need to date another girl or even cheat on her for another mate. But she keeps getting more annoying every day and drives me insane. She says she wanys to listen to my voice when I talk on the phone or when I'm making convesation. She says she wants to read my faxes. She even comes and sits beside me when I'm working in the company and keeps my female colleagues away from me. She takes out my phone list and checks my emails. God how annoying.

I always tell her I don't need to look for anyone else, when I have her by my side. But she just doesn't understand. She wants to make love every day and wants to go out after that. And I'm really busy since I have to study and work cause I live alone in Tehran and I have to pay for rent etc. And how can a man stand sex every day? I can't exercise and can't work and I can't study.

Anyways I just wanted to get some assistance and advice from you guys. Maybe she will read this (if she does she would kill me and the abjeez) and understands the situation. Please help me and tell me what to do, Cause I can't take it anymore. Should I dump her? I have already told her several times that I won't marry her, just letting her know that this will end sooner or later.

Regards

Ayden

Reply

Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write:

Dear Ayden,

The abjeez thank you for your kind words. We are glad that you enjoy and have been helped by our advice column, even if you do find it "a bit boring." There is always room for improvement and maybe we are going to start taking your advice and spice it up a bit 'round here. :o)

Regarding your problem, the abjeez must say that our first impression of your letter has been one of utter confusion. What exactly is the purpose of this relationship? You say your girlfriend is a "pain in the ass" and in the same breath you also find her "sensitive and charming". On one hand, you cry out that her jealousy is irrational since you don't want to be with anyone else, but on the other hand, you firmly reject the idea of marriage. We are not justifying your girlfriend's wild behavior. We are simply saying that the fact that you tell her you don't want to marry her automatically implies that you are still looking for someone out there who could become your wife. That is probably why your girlfriend feels threatened by any women around you, because she sees potential replacements for her.

All this does not excuse her controlling and wild behavior such as checking your phonecalls at work and giving you death threats. In one of our earlier columns, we advised another man with a similarly possessive girlfriend that this was not a healthy relationship and he should get out as soon as possible.

We are very shocked that you would even stay with someone who utters death threats against you, yet you describe her as "sensitive and charming". You say you haven't "taken anything from her". The abjeez were at first a bit perplexed at this vague statement, until we figured out that in the macho vernacular, you probably mean that you have not had sexual intercourse.

So again, the abjeez reiterate that we are confused at what exactly is the reason for staying in such a relationship, if it is not sex, love, or even friendship? And on top of itall, she is threatening to kill you?

While we agree with you that her behavior sounds insane, you seem to be the crazier of the two for putting up with it (Sorry for being harsh!)

Our advice is, for both your sake, part ways: Sooner would be better than later. You sound like you are very busy with work and school and all this drama is just ruining your efforts at building up a life for yourself. Don't let this drama become a tragedy. Get out now before this woman acts on her words and ends up hurting you or herself. Please be careful as to how you go about it as she sounds very volatile. Don't be deliberately mean or hurtful, yet you have to stand firm or she sounds like she will continue stalking you. I don't know if there are any counseling services or relationship therapists you can go to in Iran that would help ensure this situation goes smoothly. If there are, please take advantage of them. If not, maybe you should advise her parents, or other elders in your family or hers about her actions so they can help her and you get on with your lives.

Please be careful. We wish you the best of luck,

Your abjeez.

Abjee Pari and Abjee Fotti

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