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April 5, 2002
The Iranian
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* Charming, but insane
Dear Abjeeeez,
I have read most of your advices to the other Iranians, A bit boring but very
helpful. I like the way you both talk, and give advice. I really look forward in
meeting you.
Anyways, I was wondering if you could help me solve my problem. As an Iranian boy
living in Iran, I have a lot of problems in my life, but besides that I have a girlfriend
who is a pain in the ass. I can't believe God can create such a thing.
Since I really like both of you abjeeez, and I know you guys are really intelligent
and helpful, I want to let you guys help me solve this problem.
Ok here it goes: You see I have girlfriend who is really sensitive, charming and
very very attractive -- but a bit insance. I like her a lot and she loves me so much
that she always says if she finds me with another girl she's going to kill me, then
herself.
I got no problem with that because I don't need to date another girl or even
cheat on her for another mate. But she keeps getting more annoying every day and
drives me insane. She says she wanys to listen to my voice when I talk on the phone
or when I'm making convesation. She says she wants to read my faxes. She even comes
and sits beside me when I'm working in the company and keeps my female colleagues
away from me. She takes out my phone list and checks my emails. God how annoying.
I always tell her I don't need to look for anyone else, when I have her by
my side. But she just doesn't understand. She wants to make love every day and wants
to go out after that. And I'm really busy since I have to study and work cause I
live alone in Tehran and I have to pay for rent etc. And how can a man stand sex
every day? I can't exercise and can't work and I can't study.
Anyways I just wanted to get some assistance and advice from you guys. Maybe
she will read this (if she does she would kill me and the abjeez) and understands
the situation. Please help me and tell me what to do, Cause I can't take it anymore.
Should I dump her? I have already told her several times that I won't marry her,
just letting her know that this will end sooner or later.
Regards
Ayden
 Reply
Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write:
Dear Ayden,
The abjeez thank you for your kind words. We are glad that you enjoy and have been
helped by our advice column, even if you do find it "a bit boring." There
is always room for improvement and maybe we are going to start taking your advice
and spice it up a bit 'round here. :o)
Regarding your problem, the abjeez must say that our first impression of your letter
has been one of utter confusion. What exactly is the purpose of this relationship?
You say your girlfriend is a "pain in the ass" and in the same breath you
also find her "sensitive and charming". On one hand, you cry out that
her jealousy is irrational since you don't want to be with anyone else, but on the
other hand, you firmly reject the idea of marriage. We are not justifying your girlfriend's
wild behavior. We are simply saying that the fact that you tell her you don't want
to marry her automatically implies that you are still looking for someone out there
who could become your wife. That is probably why your girlfriend feels threatened
by any women around you, because she sees potential replacements for her.
All this does not excuse her controlling and wild behavior such as checking your
phonecalls at work and giving you death threats. In one of our earlier columns,
we advised another man with a similarly possessive girlfriend that this was not a
healthy relationship and he should get out as soon as possible.
We are very shocked that you would even stay with someone who utters death threats
against you, yet you describe her as "sensitive and charming". You say
you haven't "taken anything from her". The abjeez were at first a bit
perplexed at this vague statement, until we figured out that in the macho vernacular,
you probably mean that you have not had sexual intercourse.
So again, the abjeez reiterate that we are confused at what exactly is the reason
for staying in such a relationship, if it is not sex, love, or even friendship?
And on top of itall, she is threatening to kill you?
While we agree with you that her behavior sounds insane, you seem to be the crazier
of the two for putting up with it (Sorry for being harsh!)
Our advice is, for both your sake, part ways: Sooner would be better than later.
You sound like you are very busy with work and school and all this drama is just
ruining your efforts at building up a life for yourself. Don't let this drama become
a tragedy. Get out now before this woman acts on her words and ends up hurting you
or herself. Please be careful as to how you go about it as she sounds very volatile.
Don't be deliberately mean or hurtful, yet you have to stand firm or she sounds
like she will continue stalking you. I don't know if there are any counseling services
or relationship therapists you can go to in Iran that would help ensure this situation
goes smoothly. If there are, please take advantage of them. If not, maybe you should
advise her parents, or other elders in your family or hers about her actions so they
can help her and you get on with your lives.
Please be careful. We wish you the best of luck,
Your abjeez.
Abjee Pari and Abjee Fotti
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