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August 4, 2002 Send us your questions and comments * Tired of being blamed I am an iranian girl and study medicine in tehran. it's about 7months that I and one of my class mates have been freinds. in first months we have no problems but they began since the 4th month. in the first year of our university he did his best to make a connestion with me. he was so eager and paid so much attention that even the professors knew there is something between me and him. but i didnt let him come near. becouse usually i dont trust people so soon & my family didnt agree with a freindship. at beginning of third term i became more kind to him. he suggested a freinship & i agreed. my father is very rich but they have a very normal living. they arent poor but so ordinary. he isnt a very good student usually doesnt get good marks. in many feilds like language , computer & even driving i do bettar than him.. in appearnce , we are equal. but these arent the problems. he loves me i know it & he does every thing he can to make me happy. he is a good supporter too but what i do for him doesnt seem enough to him. he always asks more and now i cant give him more becouse i dont have any!! i tell him that you knew i wasnt so " BOROONGARAA" (extrovert). it took a year for me to let you talk to me. he tells me that i dont want to have more speed .he thinks i can & i dont give him but i cant. i am under the pressure of my family and cant disobey them more. i cant leave home whenever i wish & came back whenever i want. of course i confess that he is a bit diffrent with my ideal but his love & suport is what reassures me. but are they enough? i was tired of being blamed for not being kind enough, not giving enough, not that not this... so i told him i want to cut & it made him very angry with me. he told me that i have broken his heart &"BAA EHSAASAATESH BAAZI KARDAM". i know he is very good but i have a feeling is he the one? he has a conservative thought about weman & i can stand it. i know that in many feilds "MAN AZ OON SARAM". what shall i do? shall i continue or say goodbye? thanks for your help. i look forward your reply. Yours, S16
Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write: From your letter, the abjeez can only conclude that you truly do not love this
guy rather he was merely convenient for you to be around. It is nice to have someone
around who always tries to do nice things and make you happy isn't it? It feeds your
ego, especially when people around (like your teachers) realize how hopelessly in
love this puppy is with you. But as soon as this convenience became a bit more of a bother (i.e. when he began wanting to know where exactly your feelings stand) then you find it easier to flick him off as a nuisance. The fact that you consider how rich your family is as opposed to how "ordinary" he is , as well as other similar unflattering comparisons between his abilities and yours, lead us to think that you think this guy is not good enough for you. We are sorry that you have such a view of the world (perhaps instilled by your
family) that numbers (such as grades, or the sum in the bank account) make for the
true worth of a person . We are sorry you do not realize yet (perhaps you are too
young) that a kind heart and love is so unique and rare in this world that you should
treat it with more care. The abjeez' favorite saying comes from Saint-Exupery's Little
Prince: On ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.
One can only see well with one's heart. The essential things are invisible to the
naked eye.
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