Advice February 23, 2002 The Iranian Send us your questions and comments * Before marriage I'm 20-years old and I live in Poland. It's about one year that I moved here .About 4 months ago I met a Persian guy and we went out and I felt that I really like him. After a while he told me that he loves me and he wants to be with me. He spoke about having sex. I told him I'm a virgin and it's hard for me to accept having sex before marriage. But he told me that he loves me and that in this day and age, it's not important to be a virgin before marriage. I don't want to lose him and I feel that I love him but I don't know what to do? I know that he loves me but is this right to have sex before marriage? And does it have any impact on my life? With thanks M.N. Reply Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write: Dear M.N., There is no universal right or wrong when it comes to virginity and pre-marital sex. It is a question of individuality. Some women feel it is a religious duty, others follow a moral code. For many others, it is simply a question of being emotionally and physically ready. Whatever your reasons may be, dear M.N., you are entitled to your belief. Don't ever compromise your beliefs, whatever they may be, to please someone else, or to avoid "losing" them. If your boyfriend really loves you, he will have respect for your choice, rather than pressure you to change in order to satisfy himself. Your boyfriend argues that pre-marital sex is common in our times but the Abjeez would reply: So what? Only the individual person can make a decision over her own body. What a shame if one were to blindly follow the herd instead of following one's own ideals? From your letter, it sounds like you may feel lonely and scared, having recently moved to a new country all by yourself. This may be why you are clinging to this man, making yourself believe that you love him and that you ought to sacrifice your personal morals in order to keep him. Believe us when we tell you that the Abjeez have been in your situation, where it seems easier to fool yourself and hold on to someone who is not the right person, rather than face the big bad world alone. But, since you have had the strength of having traveled to a new country to start a new life, the abjeez believe you are also strong enough to remain true to yourself, despite what others may say to influence you. Have courage, and stand up for your beliefs: You will only come out stronger for it. If this man leaves you because you don't give in to his arguments, consider it a blessing, because he will have shown you his selfishness and hypocrisy. Then, there will be room for you to find a person who really loves you. Remember, there is no true love without respect for the other person. You have to respect yourself in order for others to respect you. Take care, and if you ever want to talk, the abjeez are more than happy to share their personal experiences with you. Abjee Pari and Abjee Fotti Comment for The Iranian letters section Comment for Abjeez Fotti and Pari ALSO Abjeez Latest RELATED Kobra Khanom SECTIONS * Recent * Cover * Writers * Arts & lit * Opinion * Satire * History * Interviews * Travel * Women * Rights * Surveys * All sections

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