Advice

January 25, 2002
The Iranian

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* I am very afraid

Dear Abjeez,

I want to cry when I here that you say sex can even be a beautiful experience when shared by two people in love. I want to cry all the time, morning and night, at school, every place.

It is easy for you to say love, but there is loving a mother and father and loving a brother and these kind of love should have no sex but my brother loves me to much and now we are having sex for three years.

I am very afraid of this sin but I am more afraid of his angry. Please I need you tell me the answer I dont know what to do.

Sister

Reply

Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write:

Dear Sister

We are greatly moved by your plight. The situation you are describing has nothing to do with love. Your brother is an abuser who has used sex as a weapon against you. It is an experience that no one should have to live through and yet, unfortunately, you are not alone. It happens to many boys and girls who have to endure it in fear, confusion and silence. Thank you for having the courage to speak up about it and we will do our best to help you.

First and foremost, for the sake of your health and sanity, you have to remove yourself from this dangerous situation IMMEDIATELY. We don't know what your living situation is but if you share a house with your abuser, take steps to get out NOW or have him removed. We encourage you to tell your parents or other members of your family as soon as possible so that they can do whatever is necessary to protect you from your abuser.

We know you feel conflicting notions about family loyalty and fear but remember that this person who is abusing you has relinquished forever the rights conferred on a "brother". He has betrayed you in the worst way possible and he is the bad person here, not you. You have to sever contact with him as soon as possible and get yourself into some counseling in order to start healing from the physical and emotional repercussions of the crime committed against you.

Depending on where you are, there are many persons who can help you and share your experience. If you are in North America, professional counselors and social workers at school, or your local rape crisis center, as well as a national hotline called RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network) will give you complete confidentiality and the therapeutic help you need in order to recover.

The number for RAINN in the U.S. is1.800.656.HOPE and it is free and open 24 hours a day. Please get in touch with them right away. If you are located elsewhere, please get in touch with us again and we will try to help you towards the right direction.

If you do not seek help, you will continue to suffer the feelings of depression that you are already exhibiting. Don't let your abuser rob you of more things than he already has. The healing will take time and energy on your part but you don't have to do it by yourself. By writing this letter, you have already moved in the right direction. Continue down this path so that you may ultimately feel whole again.

We have the deepest admiration for you and send you our strongest wishes for your recovery.

Abjee Pari and Abjee Fotti

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