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July 9, 2002
The Iranian
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* There is something else she won't tell me
I am new to this site. And I heard about you from a messeage
board. I am 15 years old and I live in Canada. And I am really in love with Canadian
girl. And I can't even stop thinking about her, I have already asked her out five
times but each time I got turned down. She only says she likes me as friend.
There is something else that she won't tell me. My parents
won't mind me dating, when they know who I am dating. I am really in love with that
girl. I don't know what to do about it. Do you have any idea what I should do?
Lover
 Reply
Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write:
When a girl tells you she likes you just as a friend and says no each of the 5 times
you ask her out, what does your common sense tell you? Do you think it is wise to
ask her out a sixth time? Do you think 6 is the magical number that will change her
mind?
Put yourself in her shoes for a minute. I am sure you have in your life a similar
situation only you are the pursued and trying to run from your pursuer. If there
was a girl that you liked as a friend...say...you liked studying together, you talked
and laughed at school, maybe you danced with her at a school dance...but you liked
her only as a friend: Would you like it if she asked you out once...then twice...then
three times...on and on and on... Don't you think you would get annoyed? embarassed?
That it would ruin your friendship?
The bottom line is that we can't control the feelings of others. No matter what we
try to do (and people go to amazing lengths, including changing their personality,
their physical traits, their income etc) we could never really change the internal
feelings of someone we are desperately trying to force into loving us.
Now the good news in your case is that this girl sounds like she genuinely wants
to be friends with you. She has told not only you but also your mutual friends. It
may be that at 15, and perhaps a newcomer to Canada, you are confusing the term "friend".
While this girl is not interested in you romantically, she would like to pursue a
platonic friendship with you, and that is great. To have a friend of the opposite
sex at this young age will allow you to learn so much, and obtain a different perspective.
This in turn will improve your interactions with other women. Also, keep in mind
that most girls do not like an aggressive pursuit such as asking them out 5 times
in a row, but will likely respond to genuine feelings. A friendship can always grow
into something more, if you allow yourselves to get to know each other and find out
if you have things in common. But I am afraid if you keep pursuing this girl so overtly,
she will not want to remain even friends with you.
The best thing to do in this situation is to accept her decision and not pursue her
anymore. Tell her you respect her decision but you want to explore the option of
a platonic friendship. If you learn to LISTEN to her instead of your own heart, you
will get to know her better and also grow closer. With friendship comes trust and
respect. Let 's see if it can develop into something more...but sloooowly...
Jaaye abjee-haa ro dar canada kheili khaali kon!
Best wishes,
Abjee Pari and Abjee Fotti
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