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March 18, 2002 The Iranian Send us your questions and comments * Sexual compatiblity Dear Abjeez, Thank you for your timely reply to my size woes! That was really meant for comic relief, as I am far from a playboy, and consider myself an enlightened person that has more respect for women than mere sex objects. Nevertheless, that question was a disguise for a more serious concern. I have met an Iranian woman that I am very fond of. She happens to be a virgin, and I do not wish to seduce her into engaging in premarital sex, which happens to be against her beliefs. However, I am a bit worried about getting married without knowing whether we are sexually compatible. While I do know how to treat a woman, I can't help but think that the physical part of the relationship has to be fairly important. I have never dated an Iranian woman, nor a virgin before this, and am in unchartered territory. While I don't want to get into a detailed discussion of my physical attributes, in the past I've not had much problems in that department. Should I worry, or should I try to find someone that is more open to premarital sex, as I am getting ready to settle down? If your answer is the same, or if I have already taken too much of your time, you need not reply. Thanks again. Iran Doost
Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write: Dear Iran Doost, The abjeez are happy to welcome you back on your second visit to our khooneh. And thank you for being a good sport regarding our somewhate terse reply to your dilemna last time. Call it tough love! :o) Regarding your current question, while we do not want to sound like a broken record,
the abjeez'perspective, as women, would lead us to underline (again) that sexual
compatibility, as you call it, is not ONLY a physical matter, but can only come about
with a solid foundation of emotional intimacy, trust, and of course, love. The fact that you say you don't want to "seduce" her sounds like at the back of your mind, you know already that is all that this act means to you: a conquest. The fact that you would even consider dumping this woman and looking for someone who is into pre-marital sex leads the abjeez to believe that you are not really that attached to this woman. If you truly love her, have respect for her, and are committed to her, then the
fact that she wants to stay a virgin before marriage would not even enter your mind
as an obstacle because, with any sexual relationship, it is the level of emotional
intimacy, the passion and the love, that will make it a fulfilling experience, not
the mechanics!
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