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March 1, 2002 Send us your questions and comments * She makes me jealous First of all I love your Q and A column and find it to be the first thing I check when I log into Iranian.com. My Q is about a dokhtar. I have known this girl for a little while and she seems to like me and I like her and blah blah... but she seems to always try to make me jealous by telling me how much everyone (other guys) pay attention to her. She tells me that she wants her man to be "gheyratee" and she seems to think I don't care. In truth, I DO care, but I don't want to let her see that it affects me in anyway. I don't want her to think she has the upper hand in the roller coaster emotional mind game. I also think she is a bit immature and a bit devooneh, but frankly, this really turns me on about her. So do I continue with this girl or throw her in the dumpster? Pesar Koochooloo
Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write: Salaam, omidvaarim ke haaletoon khoob baasheh. Thank you very much for your compliment, the abjeez hope that you continue to be both entertained (and maybe even a little informed) by our Q and A column as you call it. Regarding your dilemna, the abjeez cannot help sighing at the complicated mating ritual that seems to be so common between boys and girls. The way you describe it, it seems you and your mate are more interested in the game (whoever has the upper hand) itself than in the deep emotional payoff that can result from an honest, straightforward relationship. On the other hand, the good thing is you both seem to be enjoying the ride (for now). You seem to be very young, and perhaps it is healthy not to take things too seriously at this stage of your lives (especially since you both enjoy giving as much as you are getting). The only word of caution we would venture is, down the line, one of you may finally get hurt, in too real a way. It is one thing to flirt and make each other jealous and pretend not to care, when your feelings remain at a superficial level. But soon, one of you is bound to develop a litte more intensity in your emotions and then the behavior of the object of your desire may not seem so funny anymore. The abjeez would not advise you to sever this relationship nor are we inclined to give you the green light in continuing this mating dance so abrasively. As we have mentioned before, somebody is bound to be knocked off this rollercoaster as you call it, and get their heart really broken. Sit down, remove yourself from the situation and think about your feelings for this young lady. Are you content to continue down this path and risk losing her? If you decide this is more serious than you thought, our advice would be to try to talk to her honestly about your feelings and the way her behavior hurts you. Tell her that you would like to take the relationship to the next level and have a more mature, more affectionate understanding with her. If she agrees, then so much the better! But if she continues teasing you after you have opened up to her in such a genuine way, then our best advice would be to remove yourself from any contact with her. She will have shown you that her ego is more important to her than your feelings, and that she is yet too immature to handle a real relationship of mutual respect and honesty. Perhaps, if you give her some time and space, she may realize that she misses you, and that all these shenanigans only bring temporary pleasure, at the cost of intimacy and love with a person who was brave enough to be real. In the abjeez'book, someone who has the courage to go after they want, without phony detours, has the real upper hand in life! We wish you lots of luck on your rollercoaster, and advise that you put on your seatbelt real tight. We would hate to see anything bad happen to our number one fan. Take care and stop by as often as you like. The chayee will be daagh, and the shirnee delicious. Your Abjeez,
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