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May 10, 2002 Send us your questions and comments * I'm proud to be a Red. My mom's not. I have a huge problem that is killing me. I've been struggling with it for a long time now. It's about my mom. I have been a HUGE fan of football (soccer) for 6 years now. No one in my family liked football and I was the first one. I was only 11 or something. I'm 18-years old now. First of all let me tell you I'm not a male. I'm a female. Maybe that explains the crying part. I know it seems crazy but I am. and I'm not the only one. All my friends in Iran are like this and they are girls too. We're not too many though. I ALWAYS had this discussion with my mom about this. She doesn't like it and doesn't understand. She thinks I'm sick. She really does. I have a HARD TIME dealing with it. I love football and it s the only thing that makes me happy. I only look at newspapers then I'm fresh for the day. Of course there's also times when Persepolis loses and then I'm sad and I don't want to talk to anyone. My mom gets pissed off then. We've been having this fight for years now. It's not the first time and it won't be the last. She drives me crazy. I don't have any problems with my school or anything like that, but the fact that I'might end up like my cousin who is obsessed with football makes my mom crazy. It's killing me. It's intertwined with my life. I can't just stop doing what I'm doing only because she wants me too. I don't know if you understand how much football means to me. it's the only way to escape from life. I love excitement. I love when I feel the butterfly in my stomach every time the match is going to start. I love when I cry when we lose. I love to wear my red blouse and walk down the street. but I can't bear this anymore. No matter what I do she says it's because I'm obsessed with football. And I've told her 1000 times how much it means to me. I don't need to tell her. She knows that better than anyone else in this world and that's why she does this. She says all you do is only sit here and find out about that player who is dying or the other one who's gaining more money for himself... get a life. But it's not like that. It's only my hobby. I have a goal in my life. I want to get an education. I have all my life planned and none of my teachers complains about me. I'm tired of this. If I do anything "wrong" then she says I can't watch football. It's my only hop. I have a mysterious relationship with this team, with these players. My life is bound to with them. I've never been happier. My diary is full of these things and I'm not going to change now, at least I'm not planning to. I'm 18 now. My mom thinks it's a shame that I still like football and I shouldn't tell anyone but I do. What can I do. I can't help it. I'm proud to be a Red. I love it. She thinks I'mentally sick and it worries her too much. What can I do? I don't want to hurt her nor see her hurt like this and worried. She's killing herself too. She worries too much. I'm thinking I could remove all my posters from my room and never wear my red shirt and never talk to her about football (I always talk to her about football) and never ever mention that again and every time there is a match she's not home. I can hide it this way so she can forget all about it and think that now I'm grown up now so maybe she would stop obstructing me after all and I still can continue what I'm doing. But I'm not sure. There's also a problem if I do this. Then I won't be able to express myself anymore. I love to be a proud RED. I want to tell everyone that I'm a huge fan of Persepolis but I can't. It just makes me sad. Today I was SO exited about the game between Esteghlal and Persepolis But me and my mom got into a huge fight and she ruined my day. I had a head attack during the game. I didn't enjoy it at all. I'm so tired of that. What can I do? I do play on the field. I'mean when I was in Iran I couldn't do that as you know, but I play now and then, not often though. But I like watching football more than playing it. I live in Denmark and here it's cold all the time. I rarely go out if not with my family. I go to school then I come back home. Outside is always freezing and I don't know if I go out what I would do to spend my time on the cold streets where not a person passes by. In summers I go out. Sometimes on the beach or do something with my friends. But over here the summer is only 1 month max.. I'm so picky about my friends too. I have many friends but I don't like to go out with them. I don't have a real friend. I don't get along with Danish girls either. They are just too different. Iranians are too nosy and I don't know a lot of people here either. I want to go out and enjoy my youth -- but how? N
Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write: We know that Denmark, with its cold climate, and its harsh conditions may be an
abrupt change from your warm memories from Iran. In fact, we could not think of more
of a contrast between the Scandinavian mentality and the Iranian one, in general.
But azizam, we have all been there, with you. The thing is, escaping into t.v. to
avoid reality is not a healthy thing to do. It sounds like you have a depression.
A young girl your age should WANT to go out and have fun with girls and boys her
age. You should make an effort to try to get to know them, experience their culture. We know it is hard to be the newcomer, risking rejection. But are you telling us there is not one single person in the whole state of denmark that you can get along with? You have to go out there and do your best. Don't tell Abjee Fotti about a cold climate, she has lived for many years in Canada, where the weather would drop to minus forty celsius and the winter lasted 9 months! Still, it did not prevent us from socializing with friends, Iranian, Canadian, South American, Italian, you name it! And of course, from going TOGETHER in A GROUP at a local pub and watch a sport event. Maybe that would be a good compromise. Instead of staying home alone with your football game, invite a few friends over,
or go out with them and make it a group experience. Your mom will be less worried
that way and you won't have to lie to her or lead a double life. We are certain she
is not so worried about your football hobby but more nervous about seeing that you
are retreating into a sheltered life.
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