December 16, 2003
The Iranian

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Question

* I have turned to Islam

Salam Abjeez,

I'm a 20-year-old British-Iranian female studying at University in London. I come for a family where religion was given very little priority. And after 'enjoying' the 'liberal' lifestyle I have been permitted to lead by my family, I've decided it's not for me because I can see there must be some greater purpose in my life. I have turned to Islam and in this I find happiness.

I am, in short, very confident in my faith and belief now. This came as a huge shock to my friends and family, particularly considering my previous un-Islamic lifestyle . They were however able to 'cope' with my initial increased interest in Islam.

But recently I have decided to start wearing the hejab and this concerned them greatly. They have even gone as far as to persistently request that I remove it. They see that it is as something that will affect their image amongst friends and community. I think perhaps the hejab is looked down upon by many Iranians as backward and oppressive. For me it is to the contrary.

They cannot understand why I have chosen this lifestyle but my heart is REALLY in it. Now I am faced with the dilemma of obeying my parents or obeying Allah... both of which are important to me. Maybe this is a strange, unique situation to be in as the case is often of hejab being enforced on girls. Anyway your advice in the matter is appreciated.

Meanwhile I have my prayers to help me :)

Roya

Reply

Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write:

Dear Roya:
 
It is always very hard for a family to deal with one of their children's religious conversion.  Even in your case, where you were born into a nominally moslem family, your newfound adherence to Islam is a shock to your parents and friends because it looks as though you are going against all the principles of secularism and liberalism they have raised you in.

Also, for Iranian immigrants, Islam has come to serve as a symbol of political oppression, something that has forced men women and children to flee their homeland, so it is no suprise that they view your adoption of those oppressive symbols as a slap in the face. 

In your case, your conversion to any religion would have been a difficult subject but we would venture to say from their reaction, that your newborn conversion to Islam is perhaps even more unacceptable to them as if , say, if you had decided to turn Mormon. 
 
That being said, your parents and friends are wrong to constantly taunt you and require that you remove your hejab in front of them.  As hard as it is, they must simply learn to accept you as you are, or fear losing you.  Perhaps if you engaged in some sort of dialogue with them about what it is exactly that attracted you to religion and Islam, and why you felt that the "liberal" lifestyle, however you define it, was not right you, they may understand tolerate and even learn to accept your life choice. 

We wouldn't suggest calling a family meeting perhaps it is better to try to communicate one on one.  Who do you think among your family and friends circle would be most prone to listening to your side of things?  Pick that person and take them out for a coffee or lunch and discuss calmly and without prejudice your different points of views, not to seek that the other person comes to your view, but simply that they understand you better. 
 
A lot of discomfort that your family is experiencing right now probably comes out of fear.  Unfortunately, the too recent memory of seeing fresh-faced youths embroiled in the hysteria of religious brainwashing has made them scared that they are losing you to the "Enemy."  Alleviating their fears and making them understand that this is a true spiritual journey for you and something that makes you happy in your life will go a long way to decrease the animosity they have displayed towards your religion.
 
We wish you a lot of luck and the best in your future,

Abjeez

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