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December 22, 2003
The Iranian
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Question
* i cant tell her i love her
Dear Abjeez
i have this problem about askin this girl out and telling her my feelings.
theres this girl i know and that i really love her, but the problem is that,
i cant tell her and she doesnt know what i think about her.
she calls me up and tells me abuot how much she misses m , and about
how i have all the qualities a girl would want from a guy, and other
compliments from her. i think shes giving me hints, but i still have
no idea what to do. i dont see this girl a lot, maybe once a month, but
she calls me nearly 3 times a week.
its been one year that i know her, and i really love her, but i cant
tell her. its just that i get too shy and worried when it comes to askin
out a girl i reallly love and like. i don't even have the guts to
flirt with her, even thou im the expert in flirtin with other girls,
but its just this girl i cant flirt or even think while talkin to her.
the other part of this problem is that sometimes i think shes just the
kind of girl thats a player. and the other thing is i dont want her to
be shocked and thinkin bad about me when i ask her out. so pleasee help
me out and tell me what i should do.
Thanks a lot,
Confused Guy
 Reply
Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write:
Dear "Confused Guy",
It can be a very scary thing to express your sincere feelings to someone you
love, especially if you are not sure of what the reaction will be at the other
end.
The reason you find it light and harnless to flirt with other girls is that
there is no similar pressure in that situation. For this person, whom
you truly care about and fear losing, you weigh and plan your words with more
care and patience.
You are rightsin that she seems to be giving you hints that she would like
to take it to the next level, however there seems to be a geographical distance
between you: Is this a long distance "phone only" relationship? It
may be difficult to keep up a romantic relationship when you live in two different
cities or somehwere that you are not able to see each other more than once
every holiday. This may be why you are both second guessing whether it
is a good idea to take the next step.
Also you have been in a friendship with this person for a year now, and probably
the disucssions you have over the phone several times a week have become indispensable
to you. Another fear in turning the friendship into something more is
that, if it does not work out, you will lose that precious valuable friendship.
You should definitely think about all these issues before deciding whether
you want to pursue a romantic relationship with your friend. Also, you
should prepare yourself for the possibility that she may only like you as a
friend.
All that being said, if you believe in the expression "It is better to
have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" you will gather up
your courage and take the plunge. No matter how scary a ride love may
be, it is better to go for it than to live your life in regret and what if. Don't
you think?
You definitely do not have to proclaim your love upfront to her: a simple date
for a coffee, ice skating or amusement park may be the ideal way to start things
off and let the feelings flow naturally. The more comfortable you beomce
in your friendship the easier it will be to tell her at the right moment about
your romantic feelings. And perhaps she may surprise you and tell you
first!
We hope you make the best decision... for yourself
Best wishes,
Abjeez
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