Advice February 7, 2003 The Iranian Send us your questions and comments * Abortion >>> depression As a long time reader of your column, I have seen you try to help people in convtravertial issues they face. You have tried to represent both sides of an argument--at least that's what I think I saw and hope it is done on purpose. The latest issue -- that of abortion, I feel, was not covered completely. [My wife's pregnant, too soon?] You seemed to forget to mention to the husband that not only does abortion cause pain in the lower abdomen, it causes psychological pain as well. Many young ladies who go through this procedure, whether it be using a pill or tearing the embryo from the womb and putting it down the drain have gone into deep depressions and guilt afterward (causing them not to be able to follow through with their preset "priorities.") Also you failed to mention that this is a decision that should be made mutually but not only by the man, after all, he will not suffer the depression after an abortion, as much as she will. As a person whose mother was going to abort me, I can first handily say that neither of my parents are unhappy with their unplanned delivery! It was hard for them at the beginning but that is what helped their marriage and bonding. Nothing is without hardship, even marriage and love. They both sacrificed for it. Thank you for your advice and keep on trying to present both sides of issues fairly! Iran Reply Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write: Dear Iran, Perhaps you should re-read our column. We started by presenting both sides of the issues, including the reasons why wor why not people may want to pursue a pregnancy even if it is unplanned. To quote: "On the other hand, a child is truly a blessing. Not everything can be timed or planned perfectly even when you take all the precautions. As John Lennon said, life is what happens to you while you are busy making plans. When a circumstance happens, there are always ways to adapt yourself and make the best of it. Abjeez know many couples who decided to pursue their unplanned pregnancies even though they felt it was too soon after marriage. Now, they look on their children and realize they are the keys to why they have become so successful and happy in life. Abjee Foti's sis-in-law always says no matter how stressful a day she has had at work, a look into the eyes of her 3 miracles (as she calls them) and it is like she has gotten a renewed shot of energy." We took pains to point out even when it is unplanned, it can be the best thing that happens in your life. We continued by saying the decision is intensely personal and should be come to only with agreement of both husband and wife. To quote we said: "No matter what conclusion you come to, it should be one agreed upon by the both of you, so that it does not create resentment and anger later on, or worse a depression. After all, marriage is a partnership." We also talked about the intense depression and guilt that can affect both husband and especially the woman who goes through with abortion. To quote, we said: "You and your wife for example have to be aware that for a lot of young women, an abortion can result in confused feelings and emotions, and they should not be ignored. It's an enormous amount of guilt which can lead to a bad depression, and it can be very difficult to cope. The question that you both should ask yourselves is, "How am I going to get through this emotionally?" Counseling can be a big help here. It can help you in making your decision, and also, it should be a must if you decide to go through with the abortion." We understand that this issue is emotional for you but please, next time, take some time to read the article in its entirety before jumping the gun. We had a lot of reservation about answering this questions, especially since Abjee Fotty 's system of moral values staunchly advocates against abortion but we felt we needed to have a balanced article in case they ultimately go through with this, so that they know the bad consequences that come of it and deal with it accordingly, through counseling. We also mentioned that there are other options other than just abortion or having a chils which a lot of people seem to forget about , which is adoption. Thank you for your concern and comments. Take care Abjee Pari and Abjee Fotti Email your comments for The Iranian letters section Send an email to Fotti and Pari ALSO Abjeez Previous replies RELATED Kobra Khanom SECTIONS * Recent * Cover * Writers * Arts & lit * Opinion * Satire * History * Interviews * Travel * Women * Rights * Surveys * All sections

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