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July 17, 2003 Send us your questions and comments * I can't hold it forever! Dear Abjeez, Let me begin by saying how much I love your column. But this is the first time I am writing and my problem is so embarrassing please please please don't print my name, not even my initials. Let's just call me... well... Mr. "Pee-Shy." Please abjeez don't laugh at me this is not a joke. I don't know if I have a mental health problem or if this is something normal but I have never been able to pee in the public restrooms. It's not because of hygiene or anything, it's just that I freeze up whenever I am around other people and my bladder demands immediate attention. I am going away to college after summer and will be sharing restroom in a student dorm. Help????? I can't hold it forever! Pee Shy
Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write: Dear "Pee Shy", far be it from us from making fun of you. Although we are perplexed. We have never heard of this problem before. Probably because like you, people are too embarrassed to talk about it. So it was a good thing that you brought it up because according to a 1997 Harvard University study, approximately 17 million Americans suffer from this phobia. So do not feel like you are alone or abnormal! After doing a little research, we found out that the term for your condition is Paruresis, the medical term for "shy bladder syndrome." This is defined by doctors as a social anxiety disorder in which a person is unable to urinate in a public restroom. People who suffer from paruresis have their adrenaline start pumping as it would in a "fight or flight" situation when inside a public restroom. The result is that the part of the body that controls urination (the parasympathetic nervous system) is temporarily inhibited or suppressed. Although the first instinct may be to laugh it off, this condition is actually serious because "holding it in" and ignoring the signals from a full bladder can lead to health problems with your bladder. Also, this problem not only affects men but also women, and is a cause of urinary tract infections. The exact cause of paruresis varies, but one common trigger is one or more incidents that happened in your childhood, in which someone made a negative remark or hurried you in the restroom. For example, a parent may have said, "Hurry up and go now, or you'll have to hold it in until we get to Grandma's house." For someone with a predisposition to paruresis, this type of offhand remark can trigger the condition. The best way to deal with paruresis is to gradually become desensitized to public restrooms. o get over being "pee shy," begin by constructing a list of places in which it is easy or difficult for you to relieve yourself. A sample list might look like this: "Easy: at home. Moderately difficult: at work, at a friend's house. Very difficult: restaurants, the gym, movie theaters." Once, you've made your list, the goal is to gradually desensitize yourself to each setting. Start with the easiest place. Go there when there's low traffic (in the "off peak" hours). Next, try the same setting a high traffic time. Improve your tolerance by gradually working your way up to the point that you can go even when a restroom is crowded. You may want to get a friend to tag along to help make the place feel safer for you and to provide a friendly face. Eventually, you will build up a comfort level and be able to pee under any circumstances.Also, you can contact the international Paruresis Association, a non-profit organization that can lead you to professional help in your area to overcome your problem. Their website is paruresis.org. Best of luck!!! * Send this page to your friends
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