November 12, 2003
The Iranian

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* Chikaar konam aakhe?
 
moshkele hamishegi...boyfriend! mikhaay baahaash beham bezani vali doosesh daari. doosesh daaram mikhaam baahaash baasham vali hoseleye hichiyo nadaaram. dars sakhte, ziyaade. mikhaam rejime begiram vali hosele nadaaram... vaay! chikaar konam aakhe?

N

Reply

Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write:

Dear N,

We've all been through it, time after time. We decide to make some changes in our lives: to lose weight, quit smoking, start exercising, or having that deep discussion with your boyfriend. We set our goals, and we take some steps towards achieving them. And then, slowly, we start to slip. That dessert looks too good. That talk with the boyfriend can wait until after the New Year's Party. Work is too stressful so maybe if I can slip that one cigarette.

One day, you realize you are exactly at the same spot you were when you began to set your goals. That may make you even more depresswd and lessen your motivation. This pattern happens all the time. The key is: 1) Set realistic goals. 2) Maintain the motivation needed to see your goals through

1) Goals

Successful people are masters at setting goals. They don't just announce, "I'm going to run for an hour today." Instead, they start at a realistic pace. Their ultimate goal may be to run the New York marathon but they will start with ten or fifteen minutes of running, then gradually work up to 30 minutes then an hour.
 
When you have small successes, it naturally motivates you to pursue your goal. A twenty-pound loss may be your ultimate goal, but you should start by losing five. And while it is okay to cut out some sweets or extra carbs from your diet, you should not starve yourself. Lack of proper protein and vitamins will just worsen your mental and physical state. Exercise is not only good for losing pounds but it is a great stress reliever. It makes you feel great about yourself!

2) Motivation
 
Motivation can be external and internal. That is, if your surround yourself with people who are positive, and who are successful at reaching their goals, this gives you the positive external motivation to maintain your goals. On the other hand, distance yourself from that co-worker who always insists on going to McDonalds for lunch.

The most important motivation however is self-motivation.Our minds love habits and routines. Once your mind gets in a groove it doesn't want to change whether what you are doing.

If you establish a routine for yourself, for example, a certain aerobics class with a favorite teacher at your gym, then soon you will realize that you have made a habit of going to work out. With your boyfriend, if there are problems in the relationship but you love him and you want to work it out, you have to make a habit of setting some time at least once a week to have a private time just to talk. Not to go to the movies or go out with friends or go dancing but just talking. The more you do that, the more you will be able to express your feelings about the relationship and working out problems as they arise instead of bottling it all up and letting it burst.

We wish you the best of luck,

Abjee Pari and Abjee Fotti

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