September 12, 2003
The Iranian

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Question

* I don't want to be a Swede. I want to go to Iran
 
Dear Abjeez,

I have this not so small problem, I really don't know how to begin...
 
I was born in Sweden 16 years and seven months ago, but I have visited Iran many times and I speak perfect Farsi. Here in Sweden I am a foreigner, and I don't mind that at all I am very proud of being Persian. But I don't feel at home here in Sweden, the only place I feel home at is in my own country, Iran.

The only family I have in Sweden is my Mom, dad and older sister. But they don't understand how I feel. I have always felt like a outsider in this country, but a couple of months ago something happened that made me want to just go to Iran and live there forever.

I was beaten up by 3 HUGE skinheads, that do not like us "Kallehsia". When I told my mother she told me it was my own fault, honestly I don't think she believes me, I think she thinks that I brought it on my self. She didn't care that had had gotten punched in the stomach several times and beaten up with a baseball bat, neither did my dad or my sister. That incident had a huge affect on my life and I will never ever forget this terrible incident, it made me wanna leave here even more.
 
I feel like my so-called family wants to turn me into a Swede like they are. If I wear the "Farvahar" they tell me not to, or anything that could show that I am Persian. They tell me to get more Swedish friends and be like them.
 
I never drink nor do I smoke, but still I am no good. I have honestly never liked my parents, I know its kinda harsh, but if you only knew what they have done to me. My parents have always fought, and with that I  mean; with knifes and threats about killing, and I had no one not even my sister because she was older she could go out with her friends, and she would leave me at the age of 9 alone with the 2 of them, at each others throats and now just because they have worked everything out they think I will also just get over it, just like that! But I am sorry if I can't forget all of that.
 
What I want is to be with my family, my REAL family in Iran, that is all I have ever wanted, to have a family. I have sometimes thought about running away and even killing my self but deep down I now that's wrong, The great Mazda has given me a life and I am trying to make the best of it but they aren't exactly making it easy for me.

So here is my Question: Is it wrong of me to want to move to my country? Should I wait, or should I just stay the next time I go to visit? Is it wrong of me to want a Persian family that cares  about me?
 
Kheili Mamnon hastam az javabetoon,

Movafagh bashid,

Iran Khanoom

Reply

Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write:

Dear "Iran Khanoom":
 
The Abjeez feel immensely for you after reading your letter.  There is an attitude that scandinavian countries have a longstanding humanitarian tradition and peaceful yet this is not the complete picture.  You only have to check the European Union's own human rights reports on Sweden to conclude that there is a great deal of discrimination bordering on persecution for immigrants specifically from the Middle East.  And often the race hate crimes committed by the growing movement of skinheads goes unheard or unscarred for the police.  You definitely do not have to convince us when you talk about how foreign you feel in Sweden.
 
The reaction of your family to your incident with skinheads disturbs us greatly.  Often when newcomers come to a country, in an effort to assimilate themselves to the new country and fit in, they undergo a complete rejection of their former self.  Your family seems to be in that mode but putting their heads in the sand and worse, accusing you of bringing violence onto yourself is not only wrong it is downright abusive.
 
Your description of a pattern of violence in your household where mom and dad brandish knives at each other and fight all the time reinforces our feeling that this environment is not healthy for you.  WE know that part of you wants to make it work because this is your "family" and you may even feel guilty about how you feel about them.  We want you to know that a destructive force in your life, whether it is named "mother" "father" or "sister" is still that: a destructive force.  You have every right to want a peaceful healthier environment for yourself.  Nobody should be forced to endure this treatment.
 
Please don't give in to your sudden thoughts of despair and take a step that you will regret forever.  You are luckier than most in that you have a choice here.  You talk about having a "real" family in Iran.  Please contact those family members and let them know of your situation.  They may intervene on your behalf with your parents and convince them that it would be beneficial to all parties involved if you are at the very least temporarily removed from that unhealthy situation and take refuge at the home of caring relatives in Iran, at least until your mom and dad straighten up their life. 
 
Please do get in touch with your family members who you love and trust and do not take any drastic steps such as running away or worse.  You sound like such a strong person already to be able to have survived all these things in your life and probably a thousand more things that you cannot put in one letter.  You are so mature to recognize and logical analyze your current life status and you have even come up with the solution yourself.  Now all you need is to put your plan in action.
 
We support you wholeheartedly
 
With much Love and Respect,

Abjee Pari and Abjee Fotti

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