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July 22, 2004 Send us your questions and comments Question Love's best gift Dear Abjeez, I am not teen anymore and I do not usually read online love stories. However, at this midnight, this little college romance reminded me of an unanswered question. I am not sure what love is. Perhaps an addiction, a desparate need for something missing, a need for the potion. Most of us are perhaps too selfish to love. The spirit of love is giving and sacrificing one's own confort for that of the other. Isn't it? Then why is it that in love we are always hurt because we don't have something? A divorce rate of 50% does not say much for love either. In any case, this dire need does exist. In my mid life, I still think of my highschool love. In a pure and innocent way. Perhaps uncommon to the average man. And this is not because I want something, well not totally. However, mostly because I did not give something. I had a good friend who was my laghter in sadness, my light in my darkness, and my support in all matters. A friend with whom time just vanished. She was older than me which was not culturaly accepted. My trip abroard to study, a family fued, and the revolution disconncted us. 25 years later, I still take joy and calm in her memory. What pains me the most, is that I never verbally told her, how much I appreciated her. How much she meant to me. How much I adored her. I live for the day moment to see her again and say, I am sorry for not knowing how to communicate and thank you for being the light of my life in those days. Thank you for the foundest memories of mu life. Did you see my love for you? Did I make you feel just as good as well? I just want you to know. So, what is this desire to finish a sentence I have never started? Why do I feel guilty. There was no physical connection between us. Just two eyes sharing the inner being. Or I felt so. For those lovers out there, if you are sincere, give carying and don't expect anything. For life is too short to hate. Sometimes, one kind word is the best gift. rY
Abjeez write: Dear rY, How beautifully and eloquently written. We could not have said it better. Thank you for sharing your sentiments with us and the readers of iranian.com. There are many kinds of loves, some are driven by as you say the desire and need to fulfill a gap in one's life. There is the needy love, the obsessive love, the jealous love, etc. But the best, true kind of love is the one that lets go of oneself and one's ego and is about giving and even sacrificing for the object of your love. But love is also about acceptance. The idea that there is a perfect being out there, a prince or princess charming on a gold pedestal is the idea that hurts us most in reality. Because it does not allow us to accept that human beings are flawed just as they have quality and it is up to you to accept that combination. And we tend to forget easily that we are just as much a mix of good and bad and we should give the same acceptance that we would wish to receive. So if the person that you love does not live up to the image in romance books or movies, we become disappointed and we hurt that person for not living up to that ideal. This is the single biggest mistake we can make in love, is to constantly compare our real mate to that phantom ideal man or woman.
There is no need for physical connection to have a true love, although that is also a part of it. Love as you say is more a meeting of the minds, sharing a special understanding that others are not privy too. It is unfortunate that you never got to tell your first love how you really feel. Life is too short to care about what everyone else expects of you, whether they judge you about your age, your culture, your religion or whatever else it is. Because in the end you have to live with yourself and not with the people whose opinion you thought was so important.
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