June 1, 2004
iranian.com

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Question

* I like older women, too

I totally agree with your points about older women [I like older women]. I don't like that guy's approach. I won't condemn him, but that is not my cup of tea. I'm sort of in the same boat as that guy, although I suspect that I have a lot more to offer -- and for me, sex is not important. I like the conversations.

Why is it that young women are so confused? And so that this won't turn into a generalization, there are some who are amazing. I just haven't been lucky to meet them. For one thing, sex, they don't get it at all. Sex is the icing on the cake, and not the cake itself.

Anyway, whatever the issues, I have only been able to connect with women who have been at least 5 years older than me. I think the twenty-something generation need to discover themselves. It's sad! I meet these great women, but because of the big age difference between us (the best one was 10 years older than me), it's not even practical for either of us to think about anything long term.

Sometimes, I think that there is something wrong with me. Is there?

Pesare Gol from France

Reply

Abjeez write:

Dear Pesar:

As we have mentioned in the past, we do not believe age alone is the defining factor in what makes a relationship successful. There are a lot of forty year old men AND women out there who probably can't be relied on to tie their own shoes let alone commit themselves to a deep intellectual, emotional and physical relationship. Just as there are some twentysomethings who are very well-rounded and interesting people. You just can't tell by age alone.

The fact that you tend to connect with older women does not mean anything is wrong with you. You just have not found the connection you are looking for with the women your own age that you have met. If you enjoy the company of your girlfriend whether she is 5 or 10 years older than you does not automatically mean there is no future for the both of you. Where does it say that a man always have to be the older one in the relationship?

With relationships that are far apart in age, the most common problem we would see is that there is uneven emotional balance, with one person having too much control over the other one simply by reason of their greater experience.

As long as you are an equal partner in the relationship, and there is love, respect, trust and intimacy, as well as an intellectual and physical connection, this would sound to us like the perfect relationship regardless of the age.

Best wishes,

Abjeez

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