June 28, 2004
iranian.com

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Question

* Should I meet him?

Dear Abjeez,

I met this guy online and we started a chat relationship. After a few months, we had strong feelings for each other and we even said I love you online. Now we have made plans to meet but I am so nervous! I don't know if I can do it or if I will be embarassed. I feel like canceling the plans to meet but continue the online relationship.

Anonymous Female, Age 14

Reply

Abjeez write:

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for your letter as I am sure there are many other teen-agers out there who often develop internet penpal friendships and sometimes something more.

The first thing that we want to remind you, and hopefully your parents or school teachers have already warned you about, is that on the Internet, anyone can claim to be anyone they want. While we are not saying that this guy has been deceiving you, we want to urge you ABSOLUTEYLY NOT to meet him alone even if you do decide to meet him.

You need to tell your parents about your Chat mate, no matter how "embarassing." Have a talk with them about the Internet, about love and relationships, and about dating. We know that at 14 you are probably thinking of boys and romance, but it is way too early to talk about "love" at this point.  And your own reluctance to take things further makes us believe that you yourself have realized this is too much to handle at this point in your young life.

This does not apply only to girls your age but to older men and women: The internet is a place that allows both quick intimacy and at the same time a very safe distance. It is a fantasy world. While some people decide to meet their online "love" and end up in a real committed relationship, this does not happen in every case.

You should not feel embarassed to tell your online friend that you prefer not to meet in person. Then give him the option whether he wants to continue talking to you online.

Also, please remember, the words "I love you" are a big deal. And while we believe that you meant them at the time you said them, you have to know that is also part of the fantasy world of the Internet.

Abjeez

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