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Just Breathe
Relationships

By Neda Najibi
April 2001
The Iranian
Introduction

Hengameh and Sirus - Part 1

It was quite a chore to get Hengameh to go out. She had separated for about two months from her husband of seven years and they were getting a divorce. Anyway, Minoo, who is an acquaintance of Hengameh finally dragged her out. They went to Cabaret Tehran. Hengameh was not quite in the social mood and still had incontrollable feelings for her husband.

Hengameh went onto the dance floor with Minoo and a man began dancing with them. They continued for another hour, non-stop. Hengameh sat down and the man, Sirus joined her. Sirus was taken by her immediately and Hengameh made it no secret that she wasn't interested and that she was separated from her husband. Sirus felt an overpowering need of wanting to take care of her immediately. Hengameh was living with her sister and brother-in-law during this time and Minoo gave their phone number to Sirus when he asked to call Hengameh.

Sirus called the next day and planned a dinner date. Hengameh didn't want to go but her friends and family told her this was the best thing for her. You see, Hengameh's husband had an affair during their marriage and she decided enough was enough and asked for a divorce. Her husband, who was still in love with her, was angered by the separation. He made sure to make her life a living hell by canceling her credit cards. She denied her access to her belongings and bank account. Hengameh ended up temporarily moving into her sister's home.

Sirus picked up Hengameh and when Hengameh came to the car Sirus pulled out a single naked red rose from the back seat. Hengameh had never gotten a rose without wrapping. Sirus told her it was romantic to give flowers without any wrapping. Sirus began to teach Hengameh a lot about emotions, feelings, love and the freedom to be expressive. This was all new to Hengameh, and she was a willing student.

They went to Las Brisas in Laguna Beach and had dinner. Their conversation was so intimate. Sirus had felt a void in his life and always wanted to meet the right girl. And in his heart he knew he had. He was on a mission and wouldn't let anything or anyone interfere. During dinner Hengameh expressed how she wanted to finish College and Sirus immediately offered to pay for it. Actually, Sirus didn't keep his intentions secret. He wanted her. Hengameh, however, wasn't there, far from it. She knew better. She believed in her heart that even this dinner was wrong for her to entertain.

So far you should be getting a glimpse of the things Hengameh had to endure with regards to her marriage. She was faithful to the only man she ever loved and ended up alone. She couldn't understand how or why her husband betrayed her. But the one thing Hengameh knew was that she was fortunate that it did happen to her and even more fortunate that she didn't have any children from her marriage. She had a strong faith, one that taught her to welcome hardships to become its host and in her situation she found it soothing to meditate.

Hengameh thought she had found the man, the half that made her whole. To be fair she did, but he betrayed her. It's very easy for men and women to say that they can put themselves into each other's shoes and try to feel and experience what the other is going through. If a woman were to try to feel like a man, she would have to be strong, powerful, confident, with a sense of knowing. Then she'd enter a world high on a pedestal. While on this pedestal she would portray her strengths and cover her weaknesses. You'd always see how proud she is and never ever how lonely she is feeling -- because she is a man now. You'd believe she is right even though she is wrong.

I tried to act like a man to shed light on how men and women aren't really equal. Now if a man were to try to act like a woman, he'd feel what it is like to be alone, and attract the opposite sex with simplicity, purity, and honesty. He'd know that a Persian woman, an Iranian woman, well mannered, polite, graceful, devoted to her family, ideals and beliefs, knows how to make a man feel like a gentleman.

And if these two would meet - he would realize that she is hiding her sadness and pain from the miserable, heart-wrenching life she's experienced thus far. Her weak, battered heart would never allow her to fall victim again. Yet her heart would melt and she'd share her feelings and secrets, because this is what a woman does. Then the man would come down from his pedestal and give the performance of a lifetime, so genuine, so believable that the woman would never notice the mask; she would only see that he is a man, strong and powerful. And now the missing piece -- the half that is going to make her whole -- is finally found.

You see woman need to feel safe and secure and men want to provide strength and security. Men and women go hand in hand and each of them are the half that can create the whole.

Well Sirus and Hengameh's evening ended very pleasantly. Sirus asked if he could call her again and she accepted. He called the next day and they planned to go out to dinner again. Sirus brought her a single naked red rose again and they had a wonderful evening. Sirus was a perfect gentleman.

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