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Heart vs. mind
Giving advice on overly realistic premises

By Kourosh Saghafi
May 26, 2004

Dear Abjeez,

I have been reading your advice column, mostly out of curiosity, for a few months now. while i i can certainly appreciate you sharing your wisdom and experience with those who might need a different perspective on issues, and not necessarily feel obligated to follow your advice. I know that i am one of many out there who tend to disagree with your views and your methods and ideas wholeheatedly.

What really annoys me and what i have seen too often, is your passionate devotion to advise people to save themselves the pain and suffering by not listening to their hearts and follow their minds. just as it was demonstrated by your recent reply to the 39 year old woman in japan (i remebered her letter to you back in early fall or late summer and i remember how incorrectly you had jumped into conclusions about his inentions back then).

Do you not realize or perceive the tragedy that would occur if people truly followed their minds instead of their heart? How could you have been sure he was and still is thinking of taking advantage of her? all he said was i would not want to marry you, which was and still is subject to change and the fact that she had to convert and you suddenly ran with the idea that all he wanted was sex????

Do you really think saving one from short-term grief and so called suspicion, would actually solve any problems? How can you suggest someone lacks courage or strenghth, if he or she can not take it upon themselves to just walk away and leave the past behind? is that some kinda modern-age love advice?

It is an all too common charactristic among you and those who are in the same profession as you to base your advice on overly realistic premises. i guess in your imagination, people are made of iron or steel, and that they can be programmed and reprogrammed in an instant. you'd think to yourselves: oh yes, just tell them that they are wasting their lives and psycologically scare them into believing it and everything else will work itself out. That is one big reason i despise therapy and those who even bring the idea up, and please do not even get the idea that i have been advised to seek therapy. i hate it because it is solely based on psycological manipulation of people.

Your assumption is incorrect on dispesing advice on that you would not know the entire story, and base your judgement on the short synopsis that you are presented with, and yet, you still insist on giving your harshest and most straightforward solutions. If you can see it in yourselves to base your opinions on a little more love and a little less so called realities of life!, then you would make life a bit easier for your readers.

I always believed your mission was based on resolving the matters of the heart and to show people how to gently deal with them, not to create winners or losers or warn them of terrible consequences awaiting them if they don't follow through.

May is Mamnoon Month
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Abjeez Column

By Kourosh Saghafi


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A Mansion in the Sky
And other short stories
By Goli Taraghi

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