Modern maiden
Stop blaming premarital sex for your broken homes

Hiedeh Farmani
November 28, 2006
iranian.com

I simply can not get over some men's yearning for hypocrisy and happily reducing their sex to brainless pussy hounds. Mr Jim S. wrote in "Screw the Sexual Revolution": "Men want to marry virgins and they would not hesitate to dump you and head for higher Everests" once they have been in and out of your pants.

I am a married woman living in conservative Iran, where women are expected to keep their hymens intact for wedlock and many among more traditional families still have to get their virginity verified by a doctor before tying the knot -- to guarantee the future groom has not been sold damaged goods.

Yet, marriages fail and divorce rates are ramping up. Many of those wandering about in family courts were good old blushing virgins when they married. So what went wrong? Men's drug addiction and unemployment are said to be the main reasons but there are studies and statistics showing adultery as well as sexual incompatibility and dissatisfaction are also -- if not equally -- playing important roles.

"She does not consummate the relationship, I had no idea she was frigid", "He is all into anal sex, and I can't take it any more," one is likely to hear them say among a variety of similar complaints.

Reluctant to lift our heads out of the sand, we still perpetuate and promote "values" of honor and chastity, chanting into young women's ears to keep away from sex, putting a halo over an orifice.

Young "chaste" women enter the holy matrimony hoping to live happily ever after, with their parents beaming proudly and shedding a few tears giving away an innocent angel whose days of wondering are about to come to an end.

The young men are high on clouds too, having bagged a hole nobody has been to before; what an achievement, what a mighty boost to their egos!

But not everyone gets a genuine virgin to nurture their fragile macho pride. Aware of men's obsession with getting there first, many women do a little nip-tuck and pose as virgins, thanks to affordable hymenoplasty. Can they tell the difference? Bet they can, though they might choose not to do so to spare further humiliation!

The winds of change, however, have started blowing. Disillusioned with traditionalist prescriptions on happy marriages and right mother to the kids, etc ... a growing number of educated men and women have opted for living their lives to the full, breaking away from a system that wants to comfortably turn everyone into a figment of its imagination and keep them in check, without even bothering to revise its set of values or trying to clean it up of hypocritical double standards.

I see assumptions such as "men want to marry virgins" a blatant insult to all those wonderful men (including my husband and a large group of male friends) who love and cherish their partners not because they got there first, but because they share so many things outside as well as inside a hot bed.

They are not playing games and they were not forced to suck it up and roll with the "ramifications" of sexual liberation. We have been in this thing together and we will press ahead. We will not restrain and handicap our daughters with myths of a modest maiden, but we will encourage them to experiment and seek to truly enjoy life.

Honestly, what is more beautiful than two people sharing and caring for each other? Precious years of youth should be spent exploring and enjoying life rather than taking cold showers and waiting for Mr. Right to show up and sweep them off their feet like all those useless fairy tales.

We will teach them their bodies are their own business and not a highly marketable merchandise to trap a guy into becoming a life-long provider.

And we will teach our sons to see the inner beauty of women, whom they are not supposed to own or conquer but to treat with respect and care, and that a responsible person does not need paperwork and snapshots in a tuxedo to act that way.

I bet you are asking "what the hell is she smoking??" KENT if you're really interested. It may all seem like hollow idealistic musings to a big many out there. But personally I'd choose to look the problem in the eye and examine alternative ways to deal with it rather than rushing back to the warm womb of tradition which boasts of having ALL the answers! Comment