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Shame on shame
Part 5: The Streetwalker with a heart of gold
Part 1
Part 2 -- Part 3 -- Part 4 -- Part 5

December 7, 2006

Unlike her loud laughters and gaudy appearance, a characteristic of prostitutes, Shirin proved to be a nice and caring woman. There were signs of extreme exhaustion in her manner. She was tired of something. She wanted the security of a family and the warmth of a real friendship. Ensy could see a kind of hidden pain in her eyes whenever their eyes contacted. Shirin was always the first who broke the eye contact. This loose woman was very shy deep inside. And there was a mystery in her voice too. As soon as she stopped her giggles and opened her lips to talk, Ensy could hear the sound of a tortured woman . She could not hide the tinge of loneliness and solitude in her voice. She was aching to belong to a place where she could call home. Soon after the first few weeks of tension and when the distrust of the primary encounter had worn off, Ensy found a new ally at home. Behind the thick layers of powder and mascara lay a woman with a golden heart. A few years later Ensy heard the horrible story of how Shirin was sold at the age of 14 to a husband 30 years her senior in her hometown, Shiraz. Her single mother who could no longer afford to take care of four girls sent her nubile daughter to the first suitor who knocked on her door. Her husband turned out to be a notorious drug dealer and loan shark. At first she tasted the bitter taste of his drunken lashings that left her with various scars all over her body, but later he became much rougher and used her in various ways. One of the errands that she was supposed to do was to transfer suspicious packages throughout the city. She miscarried her baby during one of his savage beatings and later found out she could never become a mother again. Her husband was soon arrested and sent to jail on drug charges , so hunger was added to her already long list of ordeals too. Getting to know wrong people at the wrong time and the wrong place led her prostitution. She sold her body for the first time to feed her empty stomach at first. Later she move to Esfahan and fell into the hands of her first pimp who procured for the rich and the discreet. For a few years she was at the service of classy customers and then little by little she stepped down the ladder of the society and slept with more ordinary customers and at last with whoever came forward. She was arrested by Islamic guards once or twice and was lashed one more time. Although the new tormentors were not drunk and lashed her in the name of the Koran, the pain and suffering remained the same. After her release from jail she had to resort to the only job she knew. Getting to know Ensy's dad and entrapping him into a steady affair was her big break, so she made the most of this opportunity to get out of the streets and find a shelter.

Of course in the early days, Ensy had no idea about her stepmother's previous occupation. Although Dad did not give her a full right of marriage and got involved with her in temporary partnership, Sigheh, Shirin proved to be a very nice woman who took good care of the economy of the family. With her around, Dad never spent another night out and did not bring weird people over. Being an illiterate woman by fate, Shirin was quite diligent about Ensy's schooling and helped her with whatever she needed for her education. Jomee was specially pleased and happy with Shirin's conducts, actually more than anyone else in the small family. After the first few months, the once heavily made-up streetwalker in bright clothes and an ever-present chewing-gum in the mouth was replaced with an ordinary woman who got out early in the morning to stand in line for bread and milk. People who saw her would never believe this ordinary woman in drab clothes and flat shoes was the same high-heeled girl who could easily turn tricks for money. She was also so stringent about Ensy's behavior as a young girl. Ensy had to leave school immediately and be at home by four. There were limited number of Ensy's classmates who could get the approval of this former prostitute and make friends with Ensy. Having experienced a whole lot of hardship as a young girl, this kind woman never wanted anything bad to happen to her stepdaughter. A girl who was actually getting like a real daughter for her. The one that she could never have. After a few years of being with Shirin, the whole family underwent great changes. Dad stuck to his job 24-7, living away from booze and sex. No debts to anybody. No stranger guest in the privacy of his family. Salar who had grown into a dashing gentleman had gone to Tehran to study management in a prestigious university. Jomee, although stricken with more serious heart problems, remained in the center of attention and the rest of the family took wonderful care about his medications and well-being.

Ensy was now seventeen and after losing a mother and living in a shattered home , she was experiencing the warmth of a real family. There were people who cared for her and gave her love and happiness. And the nature had turned her into a real beauty too. Her beauty was breath-taking and she was blooming on a day to day basis. The skinny, dark-skinned ugly duckling was turning into a beautiful young lady whose starry eyes and shining long hair turned heads of both genders and of all ages. Her body had undergone great changes too and the hormones which were flowing at the right time through her veins made various curves and bulges here and there. The enormous changes in Ensy were not limited to superficial things and the hardship of the first few years of her life had shaped her character into a decisive, persistent young lady who would do anything to get to her goals. And her goals.... there were too many of them. First and foremost she wanted to have a good education.She was learning English and was planning to go to university to follow her brother's footstep in education. Ensy had always wanted to be lawyer and was studying day and night to pass the pre-university exam and enter the law school the following year.

Ever since her molestation at the age of seven, Ensy had refused to get near any man. There were times when boys followed her on the way home. They stopped briefly in front of her to give her small pieces of paper with their telephone numbers and things written on it, but she never encouraged their advances. The horrible image of Mr. S and his sweaty hands and smelly mouths that probed her body haunted her lonely moments. Although Shirin was closer than a mother to her those days, but Ensy could never bring herself to confide her with the story of her ordeal in that half an hour in Mr. S's apartment. It was a burden that she had to carry with herself to the grave. The feeling of guilt and sadness had occupied a small part of her being, thus made her shy away from the opposite sex. But M proved to be different.


It happened so quickly. M a working class, handsome young man of 24 who was used to having girls around him all the time. Actually he was the most handsome man that Ensy had ever imagined in her dreams. A tall guy with piercing black eyes, framed by long lashes and nice eyebrows, who spent a few hours every day in body building clubs, making muscles around his already perfect body. He was a busboy in a local ice-cream place where Ensy and her friends usually frequented whenever they could sneak out and get together. M was famous for his taste in women and there were all kinds of stories about his erratic affairs with this and that girl. Ensy could see him flirting with a female customer almost anytime she entered the place. The moment he set eyes on Ensy, everybody knew who is going to be his next prey. And it was never the same for Ensy either. There was something odd about it. This man was radiating something really strong that penetrated into her body through her eyes and warmed her. His vicious smiles left no doubt that he wanted her but she could hardly look away and go on chatting with her friends. There was something odd about him that asked for her attention and she was falling for it. There were times when he would suddenly appear out of nowhere, to bend and put his hands on the table to ask if they need anything else or if he could take away their dishes. He would almost always give Ensy a special treatment of staring into her eyes and giving one of his famous smiles. Every time this happened Ensy blushed and her friends looked and smiled at each other knowingly. Ensy could not believe she was falling for this pretty boy who wanted nothing but her body. Then one day ...

One afternoon when Ensy was on her way from school with one of her best friends, she saw him. He was on a motorbike and he was staring at her. She gasped and tried to carry on the conversation with the friend as if nothing had happened, but her heart beat and red face was out of her control. Soon after she parted from her friend he was behind her on his bike, offering her a ride home. She refused, showing a fake anger the first time but he would not give up. The second time she threatened him and told him she would tell her mother (the quasi-mother at home who was almost like a real one). The third time she tried to reason with him and told him she did not want to be seen with him. The tenth time she accepted his offer if and only if he would drop her off a few blocks away from home. She got on the bike behind him and locked his delicate hands around his belly, feeling his warmth and the so-called radiation by close contact. A few weeks after that he took her to the back of the ice-cream place when his boss was away and kissed him. She had heard stories of all the girls he had had and yet she fell for him. She was certain he would throw her away the moment he used and deflowered her, like a dirty napkin and yet she let him to kiss and fondle her in the back of the ice-cream place.


It was nothing like the horrible experience with Mr. S. His lips were warm and soft and he was holding her tight as if she was the most precious thing in his life and she believed every moment of it. A few weeks after that he sneaked her into his room in one of the poorest areas of the city and took her virginity. She could never believe the immense pain that overwhelmed her for about one or two minutes. Although the sensation of the physical contact before their lovemaking was extremely sweet and powerful, the pain of his penetration was so huge that she wanted to struggle out of his grasp and escape from that room. After that he escorted the poor girl to her neighborhood on his bike and left without another word, leaving no doubt in her that men are nothing but a bunch of horny animals. She felt extremely guilty and dirty and there was blood in her underwear. She did not know what to do and who to turn too. She was ashamed of herself and what she had done. Like the previous experience, she decided to carry this new secret to her grave too.

That winter Jomee passed away in his sleep. He did not wake up all morning and when Shirin went to his side to call him it was too late.
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