We never win
Irooni guys in the eyes of some Irooni girls
November 30, 2004
In response to "Iranian
THAT'S IT! Deegeh basteh! For how
long shall Irooni guys be accused of being sexist-chauvinistic-horny
think of nothing else apart from sex and kabob? There is no doubt
that they are among the fundamental factors of being Iranian,
however, there is more to us than that.
I am getting sick and tired
of hearing and reading about Irooni girls who complain, whinge,
moan and groan as if a psychological mechanism resembling PMT is
triggered with the mention of Irooni guys.
So you've got a problem with nearly all of us being successful Doctors,
Dentists, Lawyers and Engineers, from MIT, Harvard, Yale, Cambridge, Paris universities.
Oh, it's getting boring that every Iranian guy you
meet or go out on a date has Dr., MBBS, MbCHB. DDS, BDS, PhD
on their card? You'd like to meet an Iranian stuntman or journalist for
OK, remember that while your chewing on that expensive
meal Dr. Ali Abbasi has just bought for you on your first date
with him, where he has been polite,
respectful, has taken you to the movies, innocent walk in the park, and will
be driving you back home 10 pm sharp in his Mercedes Benz.
You think an Iranian
stuntman will be able do that for you? You think his flying kicks, jumps
out of windows and his countless injuries will pay for all
those things? Hey wait
a minute, I've got an idea. Tell him to jump out of the 5th floor of
the Ritz Hotel so the manager can be impressed and give you a free
no Ali's dad
didn't buy him the car, nor did he pay for his medical fees, he's
up to his neck in college debt,
but he's kind enough to spend all this money on you, because he's
had his eye on you every since
he saw you in that mehmooni, and he didn't approach you in a drunk,
sweaty and horny manner, he waited until he say you walk in the
that date, he never talked, hinted or approached the subject
of sex, something your
previous Chino, Tyrese and Billy-Joe-Bob dates hit on within the first
5 minutes, grabbing your ass and shoving you in the corner
while some you willingly accepted.
And yes, Ali, wants a serious relationship, wants
3 kids, 5 bedroom house in Westwood, allowing you to work, but
doesn't really want
you to because
he's making enough money anyway in his new surgery, paying for his
parents, and in-laws, and writing a letter of invitation with that
a uncle you have back in Tehran, what do you think
You say: "Ah! Just drop all the sweet talk.
The guy needs to come out and say, listen u are a clean woman
have to have sex
at least and ur gonna clean the house pop out kids and do as I say
... if u make money u cant spend it all at the mall ... and
me before u do anything to ur hair or body ...there is no such thing
as gainin weight and growin old. u gonna have to keep the same looks
And the girl
should say, "That's cool, but ur dick is mine from this day
on ...it cant so much as search for another hole to crawl in ...ur
money is my
...sure i wont spend it all at once but u damn well better believe
if im poping out kids
for u. I get 50% profit from that cash u be bringing home ... not
one cent less."
Khoshgeleh, that only works if you
kept your side of the agreement (u have to have sex with me 5 nights
play Naz-Nazee hard to get, you wonder
why we divorce you and get another wife.
And yes, we are hairy,
it. Do you know what hairy means? Yes, full of testosterone, how
else do you
and Rezazadeh are/were No. 1s in the world? All that noon-o-paneer-o-chaaee
in the morning isn't the solution. And more testosterone means
on, and on,
and on, and on in the night with you ungrateful Irooni girls. That's
why Irooni girls keep nagging
that they've had a long day and want to go to bed. Ever seen an
Irooni girl regularly stay up until 3 am?
What really pisses me
off the most is when you get these
Irooni girls labelling
Irooni guys about
being "feminine", "camp" and even "gay" because
we like to have a shower every day, be clean shaven, dress well
with the most famous designer labels, and those "too
hairy" are forced to pluck their uni-eyebrows because they
were tormented by the same Irooni girls from 4th grade, who then
the cheek to accuse
them of being feminine for plucking them!
The thing is, most
I know are hygienic, but those who are "gay,
feminine" fit in with those bacheh-soosool-khatami-supporting-Metallica-loving
idiots who go on raving about freedom in Iran, while having absolutely
no idea what Democracy is (at least those students who brought
down Khomeini were educated). And if we don't shower, shave and
dress well, they knock on our heads and tell us the benefits of
hygiene and ask
us if we've every
And what's wrong with us being close to our mums?
Yes we do cuddle, kiss them and occasionally
visit them when we feel like it. What? We're too weak and insecure?
You're going to throw Freudian theories in our face about the Oedipus
just learnt from your Jewish-Feminist-Lesbian-Psychologist professor
in your Human
Behaviour lecture, paid for by Baba joon (yes he was once an Irooni
Are you trying to tell us when you have kids, you
want your sons and
daughters to abandon you, steal your house, chuck you in an old
people's home, and
loose contact with you forever? Do you know what, you deserve it.
When we don't smoke, avoid drugs, drink 2 litres of water a day,
eat a healthy balanced meal, go
to the gym 4 times a week we're labelled as health and gym freaks.
You have a problem with us keeping fit? You want
a skinny, hunched back, pot-smoking freak in your life? Fine, go
ahead, go and get
a druggie boyfriend
or husband and see how many kids you can get out of him (good luck,
sperm count is minimal after his horrifying diet, intake of drugs
Oh yeah, pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssse someone
tell me what the
deal is when you get a gorgeous Irooni girl with a damn ugly, looser
Is it because you have such a problem
with your Iranian identity and want to "fit" into Western
society by getting a non-Iranian
boyfriend or husband?
I mean I'm no racist and I've got many non-Iranian
friends, but when an Irooni girls gets out of her way to avoid
Irooni guys and date ONLY non-Irooni guys really pissess me off.
was at this
Iranian cultural demonstration at the British Museum in London
and I noticed this hot 35-year-old Irooni woman with her arm around
this ugly, ginger
45-year-old English guy with buck yellow teeth, which would
put Ronaldo and a New York tramp to shame.
The guy was complaining and
he wanted to "get out of this primitive
shit and go home". She was like, "I'm sooo sorry
Jaaaaan (John), I veel mayke eet up too yoo,
peleeesee let us estay forrrr fyve morrr meneets." I nearly
went over and punched the guy in the face, I swear to God I got
protective over their sisters? What? What is too protective?
Is it because we care about our sisters and don't want anyone messing
them? Is it
because we know what bastards men CAN BE (NOT ARE!) and feel that
it is our duty we make sure our sisters choose the
And if you're complaining about those Irooni guys
who screw around and then shut their
sisters home, then you're complaining about those Irooni guys who
screw around and then shut their sisters home, NOT ALL IROONI GUYS!
If we're not virgins you go ape-shit because we expect you to be.
Some of you Irooni girls
think its OK
to cheat on their loving Irooni boyfriends, to loose their virginity
off this low-life Taco-selling looser, so they can have their
own back. And
Irooni guys which are virgins, they're labelled either as loosers
for not being to get it, or dirty liars because according to
all Irooni guys think about is sex. So we never win.
came over to
the West and set up their own business, and now they've got a bad
back and want to retire. What is wrong with us Irooni guys taking
business? Does anybody have
a problem with that? What? Just because YOUR Dad didn't have
a business to pass on to your brother
you're getting jealous? Everyone on this world has to work
to the bone and sweat to get
somewhere in life? It's not fair that some of us have it easier
Do you know
what's not fair? I'll tell you what: IROONI GIRLS
COMPLAINING ABOUT IROONI GUYS! Luckily I'm complaining about the
minority of Irooni girls who complain about Irooni guys in this
way. And most of them are
these ugly, fat,
never visit Iran because of the abroo-rezee they caused when
they went there when they were 15.
Most of the Irooni girls I've met and dated don't
complain this way, and have all the qualities an
Irooni guy want, in fact EVERY GUY WANTS!