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Interview with an Iranian man
Iranian men have "tendencies"

March 7, 2003
The Iranian

I was badly in a need of an interview with a polemical figure to pass my stupid journalism class. The professor challenged us to interview a controversial individual with a unique social status. At the same time he wanted us to pick a subject matter that was particular and untouched. Well, let's see? Prostitutes, junkies, torturers, political prisoners, and murderers had all been done before. There weren't any original subjects left.

Like any good journalist, I asked my mentor Dr. Jose Cuervo for advice. After twelve shots of tequila and a long night in the neighborhood nudie bar, it hit me like a lightning bolt. Why not interview an Iranian?

Q. In your opinion, what's the population of gay men in Iran?

A. Well, in my opinion, inside every Iranian man there is a gay man screaming to come out. So, It's difficult to come up with an exact number?

Q. What do you mean?

A. Let's face it. We Iranian men have tendencies. Look at the way we sing, dance, kiss, and touch each other. It's so obvious.

Q. What's the AIDS situation among gay men in Iran?

A. "Don't ask don't tell".

Q. You mean if you ignore the problem it goes away?

A. Like everything else in this country.

Q. Where do you go to have fun?

A. Everywhere there are men.

Q. Is there a drug problem in the gay community?

A. Yes, drugs are essential when you're trying to escape reality.

Q. The reality of being gay?

A. No, the reality of looking at all these ugly men. They don't even take a shower.

Q. What is your education?

A. I have a Ph.D. in social sciences and a Masters in tobacco industries from Azad University.

Q. What do you do for a living?

A. I have never worked in my life.

Q. How do you make a living then?

A. Without getting into specifics, God provides.

Q. When did you realize you were gay?

A. High school.

Q. Was there an experience that triggered certain feelings?

A. Yes, his name was Babak.

Q. How do your parents feel about your sexual preferences?

A. My father doesn't know anything about it and my mom is in denial.

Q. Denial?

A. Yes, denial. She knows damn well that I'm gay, but she is still trying to find me a wife.

Q. Is there a particular place where gay men meet in Iran?

A. Yes, we like to hangout at demonstrations and reformist meetings.

Q. Why demonstrations?

A. Where else can you find thousands of men squeezing against each other in one place?

Q. What is your favorite Iranian past time?

A. A day of fun, splash, and relaxation with friends in a HAMOOM OMOOMEE (public bath).

Q. What does the future hold for Iranian gay men?

A. Hopefully a rich, well connected, beautiful man who has a house, a German car, and a Green Card.

Q. If you could ask one thing from the Islamic government, what would that be?

A. A complete separation of men and women in all public places is all we are asking from the government. Get those bitches away from us.

Q. Is there such a thing as gay men marriage in Iran?

A. Not yet. We can only do temporary marriages.


A. We are against the use of Arabic words. We call it "SHABEH SHAHVAT" (Evening of desire).

Q. What is your favorite sport?

A. Sword fighting.

Q. Favorite food?


Q. Favorite book?

A. Moby Dick.

Q. Moby Dick by Herman Melville?

A. No, Moby Dick by Moby.

Thank you for your time.

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