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mack_baniameri@hotmail.com
homepage: Iranican-Dream.com
Book: The
Iranican Dream
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Scary and exciting
Sarakhs' new album "Mordad 85" July 27, 2007
Save the earth?
True illustration of hypocrisy
July 9, 2007
Dear Mack II
Emails from women married to or dating Iranian men
June 18, 2007
Even exchange
I recommend that the US government consider arresting a number of Iranian-Americans as well
June 8, 2007
Good hair day
I especially enjoyed Iranian footballers' fake tumbles and Hollywood-style dives while maintaining a perfect hair posture
June 3, 2007
Mack's da man
Photo essay: Meeting iranain.com's favorite writer Siamack Baniameri
Jahanshah Javid
April 30, 2007
What are you going to do about it?
There is one thing we all can do about the 300 movie
March 18, 2007
The pussyfication of Iranian men
Stay out of the way and let the women lead
March 9, 2007
Dear Mack
Iranian Men: User Manual
January 25, 2007
The Spartans are coming...
... to a theater near you
January 15, 2007
God, what a year
Thoughts I couldn't get out of my head in 2006
January 1, 2007
Ugly people
Iranians of the year
December 23, 2006
How not to make a sex video
Alleged soap star and her lover
November 21, 2006
Rewarding disobedient wives
Fatwa
October 31, 2006
Let them have fun
Zealots
October 24, 2006
My beautiful gold digger
Negotiation
October 11, 2006
How to defuse Moslem anger
What I would like to see the Pope do
September 26, 2006
Topless dancer
My ambassador
September 21, 2006
Amuse us for once
Bush vs. Ahmadinejad
August 30, 2006
I'm in a movie with Jamie Foxx
Classic "guy moment" when your dick does the talking
August 3, 2006
A couple of sandwiches short of a picnic
Ganji's expectation from Iranian expats & opposition groups
July 20, 2006
If you don't hear from me
Hunger strike
July 17, 2006
Where do I sign up?
Laptop Revolutionaries
June 21, 2006
Pink security forces
Gender-specific security forces
June 14, 2006
I 've got an idea
World Cup
June 9, 2006
Team Melli VIP treatment
World Cup
June 7, 2006
Thank you Agent Smith
"Listen, don't do it, man," the voice said
May 15, 2006
Chop chop
Shorts: Ahmadinejad's letter to Bush
April 13, 2006
Iranian-American Internment Camp
Shorts
April 13, 2006
Priceless
Shorts: Iranian satellite TV commercial for MasterCard
April 5, 2006
Priceless
March 31, 2006
Shorts
False advertising
March 31, 2006
Shorts
First, let me put on my seatbelt
March 17, 2006
Shorts
Latest news from the Middle East
March 13, 2006
Shorts
Hamas outsourced to India
March 2, 2006
Hamas opened a call center to assist suicide bombers with bomb-making technical questions. The call center was later outsourced to India. Hamas suicide bombers have been complaining that language barriers and accent problems have created mishaps, resulting in some bombs detonating prematurely. In one instance the Indian call center analyst told the would-be suicide bomber: "Be calm and do not twitch." However the suicide bomber heard: "Hold the bomb and push the switch."
Heavenly trade
February 27, 2006 If I somehow end up in heaven with 72 virgins, I would like to trade in 71 virgins for cigarettes, alcohol, Xbox and an experienced hooker. I might keep one virgin around just in case things don't work out between me and the hooker. I'm also willing to trade in some of my virgins for an occasional pass to hell to visit friends and family.
Danish brokeback
February 23, 2006 A prominent Iranian director said, "Forget movies about gay cowboys. I'm making a movie about gay Arab suicide bombers who find it difficult to blow themselves up in a bus full of naked Danish male dancers."
Ready to go
February 18, 2006 When America attacks Iran, as an Iranian-American, I would like to fight for the Iranian side, Monday through Wednesday and for the American side, Wednesday through Saturday. And I would like Sundays off to run errands, do laundry and catch up with some sleep -- if it's okay with both sides. In a case I'm taken as a prisoner of war by either side, I refuse to perform human pyramid tricks or commit suicide by downing hair removal creams. I also like to request from the Iranian side not to ask me to blow myself up, and the American side not to ask me to attach electrical wires to nipples of hooded prisoners. Other than that, I'm ready to go. Where do I sign up?
Cheap bastards
February 15, 2006 President George W. Bush has asked Congress to authorize an extra $75 million to help the United States spur democracy in Iran. I'm thinking a $75 million translates to a dollar for every Iranian, which means each Iranian is worth a lousy $1 to America. Considering 30% annual inflation in Iran, and the annual 17% increase in cost of living, that $1 per person will be worth 50 cents by the time Congress authorizes the $75 million. Well, thank you very much, you cheap bastards. As an Iranian, I will not give you a discount -- not today. So, contact me when you increase the freedom money to at least $5 a person. And in addition, I would like a company car and a signing bonus.
My mom
February 6, 2006 I married an Iranian activist, who was sentenced to be stoned to death, so she could stay in the US and escape Islamic Republic's wrath. She filed for divorce and moved back to Iran after she met my mom.
Pickle tickle
I felt inadequate by the small size of Persian pickles on display at the grocery store. I asked the manager to remove them from the shelf immediately. That was not the image I wanted the world to see. I later changed my mind when I saw that Indian pickles were even smaller.
February 2, 2006
Screwing with spammers
Responding to spam emails
January 4, 2006
The second coming of Elvis
I don't think "Allah o Akbar" is a good substitute for an engine
December 12, 2005
It's good to be gay!
Part 3: The Islamic government is looking for my ass...
Part 1: "I finally made it to fuckin' Canada."
October-November 2005
Happy ending
Want to fight terrorism? Legalize prostitution.
September 22, 2005
Persian cat on crack
She constantly nags, starts
rumors, gossips all day and considered me a failure
August 7, 200
Give it up comrade
Ganji should go home, down
a huge chelo-kabab with gigantic onions, relax, take a shower,
have great sex and apply for Canadian citizenship
July 16, 200
Heaven
can wait
The thought of going to heaven the next time a suicide bomber
steps into my bus certainly makes me feel secure
July 12, 2005
Money
for nothing
I know it's our country's flag and our identity, but I don't
find the beast particularly attractive and I don't think a scary-looking
creature characterizes my identity
June 24, 2005
Cute
won't cut it
Reza Pahlavi should fly to Iran ASAP and join ranks with
those who have decided to stay and resist
June 13, 2005
We're
not impressed
People and things I'm sick and tired of
May 23, 2005
It's
a small world
Illegitimate lovechild of a metrosexual ayatollah who donated
money to the president of Halliburton whose brother was a fashion
designer for Chechnian rebels
April 29, 2005
Ferey
My Iranian of the year
April 5, 2005
Payback
time
A woman leads prayers? What's left of Moslem men's dignity?
March 21, 2005
Zan
Zallil
Magazine 4 Persian men... who can't make decisions
March 15, 2005
A
letter to the woman upstairs
Weighing heaven and hell
March 4, 2005
Sex,
lies and shish kebob (Part Three)
Anything's okay, so long as your ass remains a one-way
street
February 21, 2005
Sex,
lies and shish kebob (Part Two)
The games Iranian girls play: always acting, always dramatic,
always cunning; it never ends
February 11, 2005
Sex,
lies and shish kebob (Part One)
Why are you Persian guys such loose mouth, perverted liars?
she asked
February 5, 2005
I
can play terrorist, easy
Seeking acting jobs in Hollywood
January 20, 2005
The
Iranican Dream
Introduction to a book of Iranian-American satire
January 10, 2005
Letter
of resignation
By a suicide bomber
January 2, 2005
XXX
revolution
I would like the next Iranian revolution to be sexy and
bloody
December 5, 2004
No
Kerry, no bush
Grandpa was determined to support his hero. But there
was a catch.
November 15, 2004
The bartender
Part
1 | Part
2
October 13/22, 2004
Number
one
Atefeh's defiance of all conceited Iranian social and cultural values
is what makes her my number one girl
September 25, 2004
Beamer
survey
Is it true that BMW owners have sex average 2.3 times per week?
August 12, 2004
Drama
queens
Even our sporting events are filled with tragedy
July 27, 2004
Survival
of the fittest
Israel and the IRI are strong. Palestinians and Iranian opposition
are weak
April 1, 2004
Oral
thoughts
Responses to news about oral sex/mouth cancer link
February 27, 2004
The
right breast
One breast better than no breast? I don't think so
February 6, 2004
A
good beating
Like what we got in Iran when we were kids
January 7, 2004
Great
year -- for who?
For Iranian women. And Iranian men are plain jealous.
December 16, 2003
Amoo's
checkup
I took my uncle, who was visiting from Iran, to the doctor
November 17, 2003
Dumber
than me
A reply to Siamack Baniameri
September 26, 2003
Sick
and tired
Do you want to know who I'm sick and tired of? I'll tell you who
September 20, 2003
Hooray
to hooligans
Forget university students
July 14, 2003
Satellite
Revolution!
Dude, it's over. People are in the streets...
June 12, 2003
What a
shame
Looting of the oldest "dildo" from Baghdad Museum
May 8, 2003
You
call this a war?
I wanna see some Iraqi fedayins' guts shoot at the camera and cover
Christiane Amonpor's face
April 14, 2003
Interview
with an Iranian man
Iranian men have "tendencies"
March 7, 2003
Private
thoughts
What I learned in the past year
January 1, 2003
Hell.
A.
"Amigo, are you OK?"
December 24, 2002
Hell
of a day
Fasting on Ramadan
December 11, 2002
My
brain
The big head vs. the little head
November 1, 2002
Healthy
society
Junkies and prostitutes contribute more to our society
than you and I ever could
October 4, 2002
Zan
zalil
Most Iranian women like to keep their man on a short leash
September 13, 2002
Bridal
imports
We are dealing with a generation that is a bit shaky upstairs
August 20, 2002
The
OK mullah
Religion, for example, is one thing I have problems with
July 26, 2002
I
wanna be your king
Persian Warrior vs. Reza Pahlavi
May 24, 2002
I'm
not his slave
My husband jumped on me and started beating me up
May 14, 2002
What
crisis?
If I could just get my hands on her, politics would be
the last thing on her mind
April 19, 2002
Shahscam!
Dad, I hope you are not planning on coming to America anytime soon
February 12, 2002
Suckers
come in all forms
Johnny Walker should be forgiven and sent home to his family
December 14, 2001
Ouuuuuuu....ch!
What do you take to a circumcision party? Flowers, cookies, Band-Aid?
November 30, 2001
Passive
aggressive volcano
I'm having one hell of time romancing Iranian women
November 5, 2001
Chop
chop
I hate revolutionaries
October 5, 2001
Cool
jobs
How do you become a suicide bomber?
August 13, 2001
Where
is it?
Beep beep beep beep. BINGO.
August 13, 2001
Old
man's money
My father-in-law is a very rich. And I want his money
July 11, 2001
Salvation!
How much are you gonna pay me to join your religion?
June 20, 2001
Persian
for president
To bring back the glory of the Persian Empire
May 23, 2001
Cover
your donkey
I love this molla dude
May 4, 2001
Just
shoot me!
Iranian family values
April 24, 2001
Quit
whining
God's open letter to Iranians
April 13, 2001
Mageh
marizi?
Teenager from hell
March 22, 2001
The
hell with romance
Persian men can't even spell "romantic"
March 13, 2001
Art
of kissing
Kissing guys on the cheeks is something I needed to learn
February 28, 2001
Persian
lover
Women simply don't understand me
February 14, 2001
The
blue pill
The one that turns a Paykan into a BMW
January 31, 2001
Moslem
gigolo
God has made us who we are
January 17, 2001
PMS
Persian Male Syndrome
December 27, 2000
Persian
warrior
I'm the pride of 2,500 years of history
December 7, 2000
Negotiating
with the devil
They sounded like they were trading camels
November 28, 2000
Price
is right
"I need to borrow your date for a few hours"
November 17, 2000
The
rules
... of dating Iranian women
November 8, 2000
Ali's
nose job
His nose defied all laws of physics
October 30, 2000
Blind
date
With an Iranian feminist
October 17, 2000
A
private matter
"I need you to fix my daughter's problem"
October 6, 2000
Doctor...
Doctor...
Dude! Everybody is a doctor here
September 19, 2000
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