Tahereh Aghdassifar
January 19, 2006
iranian.com
                      
My dear Alireza,

In your article "Where are our good girls?", you asked me to ponder why Iranian women behave in the way they do, why they marry outside of their "kind" as you kept putting it and after considering it for quite some time, I've decided to pose a few questions to you.

Why is it that if you cannot find an Iranian woman you are "compatible" with after dating five of them, that it is their fault for not being what you wanted?

What gives you the right to generalize all, or even a majority of Iranian women, as those who don't care about their own culture and all purposely seek to marry outside of their ethnicity?

Have you ever considered the fact that at least one of the five Iranian women you have dated have sat on a date and listened to you ramble and decided you were a judgmental fool who wasn't really seeking a true Iranian woman, who instead was really just searching for a religious Muslim?

It sounds to me what you're reaching for here is a devout, religious Muslim woman. And there is nothing wrong with that! If you are a religious man and believe you deserve a religious woman, then by all means, seek her out! But to judge all Iranian women because you haven't met one that is religious enough for you is juvenile.

I'm also curious to see what exactly is "Iranian" enough for you; you mention in your article that "Iranians are all about this superficial and shallow Persian pride when most haven't either never been to Iran or haven't been back in along [sic] time." What the hell does going to Iran have to do with loving your country? Do you gauge one's "Iranian-ness" on the number of trips taken back home?

I am 21 years old and I can say that the majority of Iranians in my age category aren't terribly patriotic or even care very much about what is going on in our homeland, politically or otherwise, however almost all of them visit Iran about once a year. I, on the other hand, love my country, my people, my language, my culture and fully embrace all of it, but I've never been to Iran. I wasn't even born there.

In fact I've never been to my own home because I'm not allowed by the government running the country, because my family belongs to a religion that the Mullahs find sacrilegious and believe should be eradicated. They believe that our houses should be torn down, our cemeteries desecrated, our teenagers denied the chance to attend university and our community leaders tortured and "disappearing" in the prison system. They also believe that if I attempt to enter the country that I should be thrown in prison and left to disappear as well.

So who is Iranian enough for you, Alireza agha? My peers who visit Iran yearly but couldn't tell you simple things like who wrote the Shahnameh, where Naghsh-i Jahan Square is or who designed Azadi tower? Or me, who immerses herself in Iranian literature, history, music and people but yet has never been allowed to Iran?

Perhaps your five Iranian ex-girlfriends weren't compatible with you because they weren't able to handle such an ego maniac, or perhaps they didn't have the patience to deal with a sexist. What sort of comment is "I hate to break it to you if your daughter is sleeping around, it's not because of Islam it's because you failed to raise your daughter right with morals; same goes if your son is a drug dealer or user."

Let me see if I understand this correctly, an Iranian woman who sleeps with a man, or two men, or however many men she chooses before she is married then she is immoral, however an Iranian man is only deemed immoral in your eyes if he is involved with drugs? If an Iranian man decides to "sleep around" there is nothing wrong with it, but it's not moral if a woman decides to sleep with more than one man.

Also, what is this: "Ask yourself why are their [Arabs, Afghanis, etc] women more loyal than ours?" Are you kidding me? Do you sit each night and plan out the most benighted, sexist statements ever or does it just come naturally to you? Because either way you've got me frightened. Loyal? Loyal? Because now we are puppy dogs that need to stay "loyal" to our masters, the all knowing, all powerful Iranian men ? You are a joke.

I, also, hate to break it to you dear Alireza, but you failed to connect with your five Iranian ex-girlfriends because they weren't willing to submit to such an arrogant and judgemental Iranian man. The next time you're rejected by an Iranian woman or see her marrying outside of our ethnicity, ask yourself if perhaps your actions are the reason why.