Modern maturity

My friends, if you have something reasonable to say, say it politely


Modern maturity
by varjavand

I submitted and published my article "Defying conventional wisdom" to this medium a few days ago. In it, I discussed overcrowding in Tehran and how it should not be an excuse for complaints. My argument was meant to be a pleasant departure from the conventional wisdom as indicated by the title of the article. I would be dissatisfied if everyone agreed with everything I said in that article and would also be disappointed if everyone criticized me.

Luckily, there are a few good comments and a couple of hostile unsubstantiated expressions that gratuitously attacked my academic credentials for no apparent reason except that I have a Ph.D. I am confused why should someone attach you for possessing a Ph. D?

We should be grateful to the publishers of this journal for providing this public forum so that fellow Iranians and others can express their opinions and post their comments. We should certainly be able to do that with outmost respect for each other and no verbal harassment. Those who responded to my article with their thoughtfully crafted comments, I appreciate your sincerity. Those who were agitated by my arguments and made hostile remarks merely revealed a lack of analytical capacity to engage the topic.

I intentionally didn’t respond to individuals because I didn’t want to legitimize their ad hominem attacks. Their misguided attitudes reminded me of a story. When I was a kid living in Iran, there was an old farmer who used to live in our alley: his name was Mash Gholam. He was a 100% religious fanatic, not well educated, who accepted no logic except his own dogmatism. One day I ask him amusingly what happens if someone tells you there is no God. He became so furious and said angrily;” I will beat him very hard on the head with my shovel!”

My friends, if you have something reasonable to say, say it politely. If not, you will be better off to remain quiet. You get more respect by doing so. Have you heard the story of a wise man who gave a speech to a group of people?

All of a sudden, a lunatic stood up, and appraised the man for his speech. The man terminated his speech and left the place with disappointment and regret. He said the speech for which I get a compliment from a lunatic should really be a deplorable one. I certainly did not intend to appease everyone when I wrote that article especially assailants and attackers. The type of mentality some expressed, I believe, does not certainly belong to a public forum like this. It belongs to the places when issues are resolved by use of force not reason.

I don’t understand why sometimes we become so hostile toward others for no apparent reason. Does anyone recall that TV commercial featuring a beautiful actress who popularized this slogan: Don’t hate me because I am beautiful? Even though, the advertisement was for some kind of hair care product for women, it describes a mental problem some of us may have. We sometimes hate other people simply because we envy them. We resort to spewing nonsense because we have nothing else to offer.

After I saw the comments by a couple of readers, I asked myself what could have I done to agitate these people. What did I say which was offensive to them? All I said in my article was that you cannot complain about something that you are part of. When I was a students living in dormitory, I was frequently distracted by noise and other interruptions. One day I complained to our housemother that this building is too noisy. She told me astonishingly,” if you don’t like noise, don’t make any”. If you don’t like crowds, don’t live in the crowded cities.

If my balanced and reasoned article could elicit such unsubstantiated and personal criticism, you have serious social/psychological issues my friends. You need to strengthen your mind and learn how to avoid bigotry. What is the difference between you and those harassing thugs in the street of Tehran? Grow up; get used to unconventional wisdom and yield to modern maturity. I did not assault or insult anyone directly or indirectly. Neither should you.


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more from varjavand

Arezu, I agree.

by Farhad Kashani (not verified) on

Arezu, I agree.


It has been a long and painful

by Nadias on

growing process. It is actually better than it used to be at the beginning of the changed format. It was really harsh.

 They used to insult the writers family. Especially the women in their family. You don't even want to know, some of the things they used to tell the women writers.

 I personally took a lot of abuse trying to stop some of the madness. Things are better but more improvement is needed.

I would not be surprised if someone told you to "grow a thicker skin". I know I got plenty of that comment. Some don't want to change and prefer others to change.

I still hold hope that will get better. It is why I still come to this web site.

It is sad that some writers have stopped writing for this web site. I was learning so much from them. I am hoping they will return in time.

You can really see how harsh things can get on the "Iranian of the Day". They always find something ugly to say about the person.

I did read the article you mentioned. The comments were  bad but it was their version of taking it easy. Just ask Arezu, we both have been on threads in which they are out for blood, and take no prisoners type of mentality.

You are a very good writer. Never doubt this, no matter what they say.

solh va doosti



To: Varjavand

by Arezu (not verified) on

You are absolutely correct.

Unfortunately is filled with commentators who like nothing more than criticize without having any facts to substantiate their arguments; they like to bash people for no reason at all; they don’t even read the articles or comments to understand what the author or an individual is saying before they jump in and give their own remarks; and they use the most foul language that I have witnessed from any other web-site.

In fact these people have done more disservice to through their actions. Many valuable contributors no longer have any interest in posting articles or marking comments here.

Unfortunately, once in a while I get tempted when I see some outrageous remarks and then regret making a comment. If you think you are on a web-site where people are going to engage in a civilized, intellectual dialogue – this is not the place. Very soon, those who still remain here will be having dialogue among their own cheerleaders.

And to answer Naazokbin - No this is not the real world - it is very specific to people on, who feel that this is their private chat room and they can be offensive and abusive.
Furthermore, it is a very poor reflection on Iranians.


In our defense...

by tazekar (not verified) on

In our defence, I might add that we are new at this. We have not been exposed to many public forums as such to express our views, but this is a good start.
There is a need foe other sites like this to come to life and little by little we learn....



by Naazokbin (not verified) on

Dr. Varjavand,

Welcome to the real world!