SANCTIONS

OK, it's been a week and not a peep has been heard from either NIAC or PAAIA and their thoughts on the recent "Plot".

To be fair, PAAIA normally waits until after NIAC copies and then pastes/republishes their Huffington Post piece on this site.

To be absolutely even more fair, PAAIA was in fact recently mentioned in the HP, or 2 lines in an outdated and off topic piece about the unusual argument of how the real harm of Iranian sanctions, hurts Iranians in the US trying to sell family property for millions, and do routine illegal business deals with rogue cousins back home. This was posted by an Iranian "writer", and PAAIA promptly told everyone they were "...featured in the Huffington Post..." making it sound like Arianna herself interviewed them. Whoever them is. Apparently them is definitely not Rudi Bakhtiar these days.

But it is quieter than a church, or masjed around here, as we wait for the no doubt brilliant way in which Trita Parsi and his Posse (Parsi's Posse?) will intellectualize yet another outstanding argument for yet more "less sanctions on Iran". Even after this latest debacle.

I can't wait to see how they will spin this one! I haven't been this excited since the Twilight books! Wait, who's the werewolf again?

Regardless of which side of the fence you rest your sorry lazy fat Iranian ass on (since Iranians won't ever lift a finger here to address the problems there. Apparently), there's really only 3 options;

1- Reduce the sanctions like NIAC wants.
2- Increase them like retired US generals, retired CIA agents, and retarded Republicans want. Or.
3- Remove them altogether, like I want. (Yes! Remove!)

Before you Monarchists, Iranian Airforce groupies, and Gahajris start commenting, let's eliminate any thoughts of military action right off the bat. An outright war on Iran even with the Iraq troops coming home soon, won't sit well politically and Obama isn't about to jeopardize his newly re-invigorated second-life chance at a second-term over shitty Iran for sure. Plus since 120,000 US troops can't seem to subdue the less than 12,000 Taliban, (OK 13,000 including the Haqqanis) in over 10 years now, I think I've made my point. No wait, I think Mash Ghasem and his "Beel" could stop the US.

So all we really have left to consider is LESS, or NO sanctions.

NIAC's position on LESS is ridiculous to me, primarily since NIAC is against the MEK. Well not really, I just know it irks NIAC when anyone mentions the MEK with the slightest admiration. But NIAC correctly suggests that all of the levels and variations of sanctions on Iran have not worked so far. Not since Reagan put them in place. So more of the same ineffective sanctions certainly won't work either, and to be fair to NIAC, more of what doesn't work already, is stupid and ludicrous. Stupicrous. Which means that the Republicans love it.

NIAC's position has correctly been, that the current trove of sanctions that have been aimed at Iran, have only harmed innocent common Iranians who aren't actually involved in any of the conflicts between the US and Iranian governments. And if they weren't so affected by the sanctions, Iranians would of course rise up against the mollah-machines like in the first 3 Terminator movies (But not the last one).

NIAC also very correctly suggests that in order for the sanctions to be effective, they need to target those higher ups in the Iranian government, so that they feel their pinch directly and surgically, and not impact the innocent Iranians.

The problem with that argument, is that Iran is a typically Marxist system (Yes! Goftam Marxist!), where everything has been taken over from the "Bourgeoisie" (Taghoot), and is now being run by the Superstructure (mullahs) in order to redistribute the wealth to the "Proletariat"(Mostazafeen). The Iranian higher ups effectively control all of the areas that affect the average Joe-Iran, so there is nothing you could effectively sanction, that doesn't impact innocent Iranians in some fashion. They also control fashion. They especially control information, which keeps Iranians nice and quiet, and tame, and docile, just like those village donkeys your mom used to make you stand next to during Sizdah-Bedar in the Deh, so your Amoo could take your picture to send to your Ameh in Landan.

NIAC NAIIVEly (but sounding like they really know something you don't know) suggests that the US should take "steps" that freeze the foreign assets and overseas bank accounts of Iranian government higher ups. The US should do that. Of course this assumes that the Iranian higher ups use their real names to open Swiss Bank Accounts, and that the Swiss will instantly betray their entire history and trademarked brand "+ means more", and cooperate. I think the Swiss would give up Chocolate and Cuckoo clocks before they ever did that.

So the NIAC way ignores the realities of how easy it is to hide funds abroad, and does nothing to penalize Iran for being brash. Which is the whole entire desire here. At least I hope it is. Sometimes where NIAC is concerned this gets a bit fuzzy.

My position though, is to eliminate the sanctions altogether. Before you click the close window box, here's why;

As long as Iran has sanctions imposed on it, it has an internal excuse to give the people as to why the people have to suffer this or that shortage. Sanctions that have so "...unfairly been put on Iran by her enemies...". No sanctions, no shortages, and certainly no more excuses.

If Iranians have no more shortages, they can get fat. When Iranians get fat (like in 1979) they start complaining more. They get so fat that they start to think they need to exercise. And exercise leads to walking. And walking leads to marching. And marching leads to throwing, and burning, and so on. If this theory is correct, contrary to my esteemed colleague (I am an amateur gynecologist) and distant relative, Dr. Hamid Dabashi, the reason the Green movement sputtered and fizzled is not because it was a cyberspace rebellion that simply lost it's focus when Twitter trended from Iran to Adam Lambert's stunning news that he was gay, but my assertion that the protesters were simply too skinny. Certainly the ones I saw seemed far too fit to properly revolt.

Someone once told me that the colonial British had a saying, "Keep the Persians hungry, and keep the Arabs fat.", implying that in order to control Iranians you have to keep them worried all the time.

As much as I hate to give the British any credit, we have been timid and worried for 30 years, and now this saying seems all too true. Certainly the government of Iran believes it. Looking at the Arab Spring riots and all the YouTube videos, those Arabs looked quite gaunt and trim now that I think about it. Damn you Nigel! You know us so bloody well!

So removing ALL the sanctions on Iran allowing everyday Iranians to choke on all the Hot Pockets (owned by an Iranian!) iPhones, iPads, and iKooft they can swallow, might just swing the decision towards standing up, from the current "besheen yeh deygheh, let's wait and see".

Maybe if Iranians could get Coke Zero, they would have Zero tolerance for the bullshit they are being fed on Fridays. Maybe if Iranians had a TGI Fridays, they wouldn't put up with the SL Fridays they have to hear now. Maybe if Iran had a Hooters... I think you get my point.

The risk is significant. I am sure the Iranian government would insist that they won the battle against the US, if the US lifted all sanctions, so this would require the best PR that Hollywood or Perez Hilton can muster. While the US is the best in the world at crafting PR, you wouldn't know this, watching Iran's mastery of it as of late.

With barely lifting a pinky, Iran has managed to turn the PR around on the recent Saudi Ambassador assassination plot, to it's favor. Virtually every single European newspaper has smirked at this seemingly outrageous claim by the US. At one point in Obama's announcement, I sensed his pause, and think even he disbelieved what the teleprompter was scrolling him to say.

But I would get rid of any and all excuses for Iran to claim victimization. Once there are no more excuses, and everyone is fat and full, I think Iranians will do what everyone has been waiting for them to do since "The Great Swindle of 1979".

And that is to start their own Tea Party.