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The Iranian.com Assassin!
18-Oct-2011
A Fictional Story about a Plot to Assassinate an IR Regime Official by an Iranian.com Blogger
Rahbar had called an urgent meeting with all the heads of Sepah and the Ghods Force. He was furious over the foiled assassination attempt on the Saudi Ambassador in DC.
“We are the butt of all jokes in the world! Whose brilliant idea was it to put a used-car salesman and a Mexican drug dealer in charge of this sensitive operation? Are you guys stupid? Do you know how many used-car salesman jokes I have been getting on my Tweeter account? Here, this one just came from Hugo Chavez, “What do you get when you send an Iranian used-car salesman to Mexico to get a drug dealer assassin? A Crack Lemon!” Gentlemen, we need to do something and we need to do it quickly.”
Soleimani, the head of Ghods got up apologetically. “We have been working on a plan to retaliate against the Global Arrogance in the same manner. We will set up a sting operation that will show that the US is behind an assassination attempt on our UN Representative. We will produce tapes as proof and will take them to the Security Council. At the end, we will agree to a swap and get our used-car salesman back. Let my deputies Commander Shahlai and Colonel Shakuri explain.”
Shakuri connected his laptop to the overhead projector and started the PowewrPoint presentation. Shahlai described the plan.
“We have been monitoring Iranian.com site for the past few months and we have seen an uptake in the intensity of the arguments between those who are sympathetic to us and those who are advocating strong action against us. We believe that we can leverage this situation and hatch an assassination plot of our UN Representative by an informant and then produce the tapes as the proof. We have identified one of the bloggers Forouzan, who is sympathetic to us and has argued strongly against military action against us as our informant. She is a single woman and is looking for some romantic adventures that could be the bait to get her to work with us. We have also identified another blogger Fardin, who has been advocating the use of force against us as the potential assassin. Our plan is to have Forouzan lure Fardin to a romantic getaway and in a vulnerable moment have Fardin agree to the plot. We will have the place all wired before hand and will have the proof to show the world.”
Hojat-ol-eslam Ghara’ati who is an expert in sexual matters in Islam chimed in. “I have studied their profiles and while they seem to be going at it politically every day on Iranian.com, I detect some sexual tensions and undercurrents there, or as it was explained by Emam Sadegh, she can make him believe that she is submissive to his desires!”
A few days later Fardin walked into his condo at a Chicago high rise and noticed an email on his iPhone. He was surprised that it was a private email from Forouzan through Iranian.com.
“What the hell, she harasses me all day on the site and now she is sending me an email too at home. What does she want from me?”
He opened the email and to his surprise, the tone was very conciliatory, “Fardin Jaan, I have been thinking about what you have been saying about the Regime and I see some merit in your point of view. I would like to learn more about strong sanctions and targeted use of force from you! I am going to Cancun for a few days and would like to ask you to join me there. I think that we can work things out.”
Fardin was pleasantly surprised. He decided to give it a go. After all, it was getting really cold in Chicago and the idea of a few days on the beach seemed very appealing.
Fardin and Forouzan met at the lobby of The Ritz in Cancun on Saturday and quickly became friends. They spent the afternoon on the beach talking about life and politics and started to enjoy each other’s company. They had dinner at the seafront restaurant and went for a walk on the beach after the chocolate soufflés. Meanwhile the Ghods operatives were in her room wiring the place and installing secret cameras.
After a while, Forouzan gave Fardin that look that was the invitation to go to her room. It didn’t take too long for things to get hot in her room! In the heat of the passion, and in the middle of the action, she all of a sudden said, “Tell me that you love me!”
Fardin whispered, “Oh, I love you!”
“Tell me that you would kill for me!”
“I will kill for you!” Fardin screamed with excitement.
“Will you kill Khazaee, the Iranian Representative to the UN for me?”
“I will, I will. I will do whatever you say.” Fardin tried to maintain focus.
“Say that you will kill him in front of the Chelokabobi on the Lower East Side.”
“I will kill Khazaee in front of the Chelokabobi on the Lower East Side.” She gave him a passionate kiss as she rolled over.
Next morning they met at the hotel lobby. She said that she had arranged for a day-long trip to Belize to do some scuba diving. Fardin was all excited. The trip was getting more and more interesting. They headed to the airport, went through the gate and on to the tarmac and towards an Air Caribe small Tupolev plane. As they got close to the plane, Fardin noticed that the Air Caribe logo was freshly painted over on what appeared to be a Mahan Air logo. It seemed odd, but he didn’t think much of it. As he got on the empty plane, he noticed the two Russian pilots were drinking vodka and singing in the cockpit. He also noticed that the flight attendant looked very Iranian, although she spoke perfect English!
Fardin quickly put the two and two together. He realized that it was a trap and that he was on a Sepah airliner, most likely headed to Iran. He quickly grabbed his bag, jumped out of the plane and ran as fast as he could towards the gates. Forouzan was shocked and surprised as she ran after him. “Wait, comeback, don’t leave me here. I want to tell you about the targeted sanctions and the red phone and the dialogue with the Regime and the reform!” But Fardin was not listening. He was running for his life as he disappeared into the crowd at the busy airport.
Meanwhile back in Tehran, Rahbar had a reception at his house for all the heads of Sepah and the Ghods Force. Soleimani quietly approached Rahbar and whispered, “We got the tapes earlier today and the Electronic and Photoshop Brigade did a great job in putting the evidence together. It is going to be air tight.” He then looked at his watch and told Rahbar, “Fardin should be on his way to Venezuela by now and then after a brief refueling he will be coming our way.”
“Make sure that Press TV is at Mehrabad when he steps off the plane. I want it to be sensational.” Rahbar said with a smile.
As Fardin’s plane was approaching O’Hare for landing, he was still trying to put all the pieces together. It was a memorable 24 hours for sure. He thought about writing a blog about the whole episode the next day, but then he just smiled and whispered quietly, “A Gentleman Will Never Tell!”
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One more excuse for Persian Cats to run away from a relationship
by Shazde Asdola Mirza on Sat Oct 22, 2011 07:38 AM PDTSomeone once said: "even our remotest dreams and fictions are soundly based on our reality".
So our dear resident Persian Cat: even in your fictional dream, you are running away from a nice and hot, but "engaging" relationship.
Don't we all? I mean Cancun is nice and Belize is lovely ... but after "she rolled over" a number of times ... do we really want to board that plane or that ship?
I must add:
by G. Rahmanian on Wed Oct 19, 2011 07:22 PM PDTAll the IR agents, supporters and apologists from the hard-line Islamists to the traitors of the Tudeh Party cadres and many of its hated members, have called/call anyone who has opposed/opposes the regime, warmongers or traitors. They never condemn the brutalities of the regime. Only on rare occasions do they pay lip-service to regime's violations of human rights. Regime's agents, supporters and apologists have been talking about an "imminent war" between the US and Iran for years, now. Aren't they stretching the meaning of the phrase, "imminent war," for a bit too long? Of course, as is customary practice with such entities, they see no need to provide proof for their claims and accusations!!!
great story, dude
by MM on Wed Oct 19, 2011 07:05 PM PDTBTW, who substituted for Fardin's daily IC-blogo-rama?
AO:
by G. Rahmanian on Wed Oct 19, 2011 06:14 PM PDTHere's what Truthseeker9 wrote to one poster: by Truthseeker9 on Tue Oct 18, 2011 06:44 AM PDT "In your anger you have been following my comments and making sideway insults at me after I note my opinion in blogs. You are doing your best in trying to get a rise out of me so dont be surprised when you get an appropriate response. As for your "wisdom", the wise usually have humility and self awareness. Unfortunately what you are is an older generation opinionated Iranian who needs to be right. It can be as entertaining as annoying, but that's life."
I have to say
by Anonymous Observer on Wed Oct 19, 2011 05:51 PM PDTThat "Lady Ghah Ghah" is one of the funniest things I have ever heard. Very appropriately too in this case, I may add. Thank you GR!I would also add that I have yet to see one of these so-called online Iranian "peace activists" without a hidden agenda. Have you ever seen them advocate "peace" for Iranians who are rotting in IR prisons?
Any Similarity Here?
by G. Rahmanian on Wed Oct 19, 2011 05:43 PM PDT"As I watched Iran being hauled in front of the United Nations 'Security' Council, a vivid picture conjured up in my mind-my native country Iran, a vulnerable and defenseless beauty being prepared for violation by brutal savages. As she struggles to defend her honor, no one is prepared to come to her aid, save a few. Even her own children, those raised on her soil hope she will be brutally raped. With lust-filled eyes, they hope to fulfill their ambitions on her ravaged ruins, her broken pride." Posted in June 2007 by another peace-loving Iranian.
See what happens over the course 10 hours! Sahray'e Karbala!
by Oon Yaroo on Wed Oct 19, 2011 05:06 PM PDTWhat happened here? Wasn't lady Ghaa Ghaa supposed to travel overseas for a while?
Anyways, is this plane a member of mile-high-club?
It all started here: Iran Central Bank Next Target for Sanctions
by G. Rahmanian on Wed Oct 19, 2011 04:18 PM PDTHG: That's exactly what I thought. Why is Lady Ghaa Ghaa, of all the all the people, so bent out of shape? It seems she said something insulting about me, but was deleted before I could see it. You must've seen the blog she wrote. It looked more like the assembly of retards than anything else, agreeing on cutting crap. This whole thing started when I wrote a comment and she responded: "Nothing is justified with the hypocrisy of the West ... the only place that it can be justified is among a few Iranians abroad whose egos are larger than life. Who pretend that they care about Iranians while they can't wait for the Iranian people being bombed or starved to death at the same time finding themsleves watching it."
Another good one Faramarz Jaan
by Anonymous Observer on Wed Oct 19, 2011 02:28 PM PDTThanks for posting. So Forouzan was a peace activist too, Ha?
Interesting... :-))
ای بابا کی
hamsade ghadimiWed Oct 19, 2011 01:54 PM PDT
ای بابا کی نظر این خانوم رو flag کرد؟ آقای اَدمین بیخیال شو بگذار خانوم صلحدوست هر چی میخواد بگه.
از قدیما
hamsade ghadimiWed Oct 19, 2011 01:45 PM PDT
از قدیما میگفتن که دزد ناشی از رو دستپاچگی خودش رو لو میده. حالا فهمیدیم که دلیل اینکه کسانی که برای ولایت وقیح دلسوزی میکنن این است که نمیخواهند ایران بمبباران بشه! آدم نمیدونه به منطق این موجودها بخنده یا گریه کنه.
فرامرز خان، ببخشید که ما بند کردیم به این همدردهای "تخیلی" ولایت که حاضرند برای رهبر یا مزد تو کنکون .... راستی این روزا مهرآباد رو فقط برای پروازهای داخلی استفاده میکنن.
HG
by Soosan Khanoom on Wed Oct 19, 2011 12:23 PM PDTI exactly know what you are up to on this site. The illusion of Neelofar is killing you.... I am not going to waste any more of my precious time reading any of yours and your friend's comments form now on.
LOL .... Here you go ..... Of course I laugh cause you guys are just a joke.
I am out of here !
Thank You Siavash
by Faramarz on Wed Oct 19, 2011 12:07 PM PDTMy philosophy is Sigheh, but without Vasigheh! I am glad that you liked the story.
I can't stop laughing....
by Siavash300 on Wed Oct 19, 2011 10:21 AM PDTFaramarz jan you always crack me up. I enjoyed reading it. Stinky ruling mullahs promote prostitution by making left and right sigheh. Sunni don't believe in Sigheh, but shia does. It has been widely practices in these days in Iran because of economy hardship or rather financial burden on Iranian's women shoulder. Mullahs contiribution to Iran history is his sperms. One of them has 16 sigheh.
Siavash
stick to the story
by hamsade ghadimi on Wed Oct 19, 2011 08:36 AM PDTfor the record, an expat who offers her/his services to the rapist islamic republic by whatever activity (or sympathizer as was told in the story) is a prostitute. not to mention that foroozan does the sigheh act for the glory of vf! if the said expat truly believes in the velayat faghih then he/she should be in iran waiting for the second coming (heh heh) of mehdi from tahe chaah. waiting for your lolz. peace :)
HG
by Soosan Khanoom on Wed Oct 19, 2011 08:18 AM PDTThe Mother of all Plots!
by Faramarz on Wed Oct 19, 2011 07:47 AM PDTThank you dear friends for reading and your insightful and funny comments.
What this plot by the Regime demonstrates is that they are capable of combining the Islamic ingenuity with the cold war techniques to make sophisticated plots and beat the West at its own game.
One way or another, we will have fun here on this site, or will die trying!
COP jaan your hair style reminded me of an Iranian actor!
by Esfand Aashena on Wed Oct 19, 2011 06:57 AM PDTI won't name the famous actor (so as not to infringe upon your anonymity :-) but you do have a full set of hair, good for you!
What good would it have done if I had told the bitch to stuff it? She'd have screamed more and I'd have to be bothered with her more than she was already bothering me. I just hope that her throat ended in massive pain for the next few days!
Everything is sacred
This is fiction and
by Albaloo on Wed Oct 19, 2011 06:53 AM PDTThis is fiction and amusing. But in the real plot FBI found a loser to seduce. I was thinking where do they find these total losers? On this site, perhaps, among war advocates. No shortage of such clowns.
he he daddy esfand
by Cost-of-Progress on Wed Oct 19, 2011 06:44 AM PDTnot blaming typing, but it doesn't help. I'll try to be more careful in my spelling, would that suffice?
Camel suede? How did you know? Did you like it? How 'bout my Latest Saudi style hair? I was able to learn about it after some of my buddies removed the head thingy (the rag, that is) so I could see. I'll bring you one of the rags next time.
I think I remember the screaming person (da beach), so inconsiderate. You should have given her a piece of your mind.
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IRAN FIRST
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COP jaan blaming typing?!
by Esfand Aashena on Wed Oct 19, 2011 06:30 AM PDTRecently there have been couple of bloggers who have blamed not writing in Farsi because of "font" and "software"! Are you blaming typing for this word?! I told you I make the same mistake, I am not kidding, so I thought to just mention it, the rest is up to you and others who mistype/misspel this word.
As for Hamed I had a great time and give it a perfect score, except for this bitch (excuse my French) who was screaming behind us after each of Hamed's songs. For two hours she was WOOOHOOOOOOOOOO, WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO. You'd get relaxed after each of Hamed's songs and then this bitch would hit your head like a sledge hammer with her screams.
I think I saw you, you had a suede jacket? It looked nice, was that a camel suede jacket you brought back from KSA?!
Everything is sacred
HG, I take issue with that article
by Cost-of-Progress on Wed Oct 19, 2011 06:29 AM PDTIt mentions "Cheap Persian prostitutes". There are two problems here:
1. It implies that there are hookers in our pure islamic land - asstaghforellah....in Iran? hookers? Nah...
2. It also implies that our hookers, if they exist, are "cheap" - Well no more...who're they to call our hookers cheap? With the cost of living so high in Iran, I venture a guess that it too has gone up in price...... if they exist, that is.
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IRAN FIRST
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marvelous
by Dr. Mohandes on Wed Oct 19, 2011 06:25 AM PDTmarvelous! marvelous!
Allow me to just get on up off my newly purchased reclining chair... and take a bow to the master... taking a bow... taking a bow...
You have put the "S" in the storytelling...!
faramarz, enjoyed your
by hamsade ghadimi on Wed Oct 19, 2011 06:23 AM PDTfaramarz, enjoyed your story as usual but i thought you would've used more details of the real plot in your story. you got the prostitute-frequenting (regime supporter foroozan) right with fardin. what about some other vices like drinking and smoking pot.
//www.infowars.com/iranian-terror-mastermind-described-as-drunk-pothead-hooker-frequenting-joke/
Daddy Esfand
by Cost-of-Progress on Wed Oct 19, 2011 06:22 AM PDTWhat would one do without your infinite wisdom and ocean of spelling knowledge?
Thanks for the lesson bro', I do know the difference, but my problem is typing also. I can't type, which complicates things!
You never said anything about Hamed's concert on the 9th. I loved it and continue to listen to his CD in the car. Such talent and the music? Farzin Farhadi's music speaks to our heart.
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IRAN FIRST
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Lose vs loose!
by Esfand Aashena on Wed Oct 19, 2011 06:07 AM PDTCOP jaan I really don't mean to pick on your spelling but this word "lose" has us Iranias all confused, including myself! Somehow this word is another achilis heel for us.
We should try and make an effort to use lose when we're losing something and loose when something is loose, like a loose woman or a man or a screw that is loose! It can also be used to say someone has a screw loose!
As god as my witness I make this same mistake but I do try to make an effort. I thought this blog would be a good place to mention what loose means!
Everything is sacred
Faramarz
by Cost-of-Progress on Wed Oct 19, 2011 05:53 AM PDTthis was fun to read and a confirmation that most of us guys think with our little heads. At least Fardin was smart enough to spot a trap before his little head caused him to loose his big head!
Cheers.
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IRAN FIRST
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FMt:
by G. Rahmanian on Wed Oct 19, 2011 05:42 AM PDTYours can be a great blog on its own. If you do make it a blog, make sure to add something about the Cutural Revolution as well.
I did not know that the blogger Fardin is a gigolo!
by Esfand Aashena on Wed Oct 19, 2011 05:17 AM PDTIt is really something when the "elite" Qods force (remember the "elite Republican Guards" of Saddam in the first Gulf war? :-) pays $100,000 to Arbabsiar (who posted under the user name Esmal Latte ;-) but pays Fardin just for a 3 day stay with benefits in Cancun!
When I first read your blog's title I thought you were going to talk about the i.com assasin who goes around and assasinates every thread!
Everything is sacred
Good for F&F
by Rea on Wed Oct 19, 2011 04:52 AM PDTWonder about Hojat-ol-eslam Ghara’ati though. What did he say about undercurrents, political ones of kors, after he'd reviewed the tapes of the hotel action? ;o)
Good one, Faramarz, autumn with humour.