Faramarz

A Fictional Story about the Search for New Owners for Iranian.com 3.0

فاکر- اندیشه کننده در کاری - لغت نامه دهخدا

A few days ago, I got a frantic call from Anahid at 6 o’clock in the morning. “Have you heard the news about the new owners at IC? Do you know anything? You seem to be in the know!”

“All I know is that JJ has been looking for new investment to transform the site for over a year. But let me make a few calls and find out. I’ll let you know.” I did not divulge much.

Actually, Gary, my neighbor down the street has been keeping me informed of JJ’s activities for the past month. You see, Gary used to be at Lehman Brothers managing the IC account. He resigned after they cut back the bonuses, but he still maintains a relationship. He knows me by my American nickname, Rufus! That’s why he never suspected that I was one of the IC bloggers and told me all the secrets.

JJ was looking for some foreign investors to overhaul the site. He figured that they would stay away from the politics of the Blogs and will not change the delicate balance among the pro-Regime, the pro-democracy, the reformers, the pro-Palestine, the pro-Zion, the anti-Arab, the Monarchist and the Mossadeghi factions!  

First came the Russians! They didn’t care much about the content, the poems or the pictures. They were ready to drop a few millions into the upgrade. Their only demand was that Iranian Personals had to go; so should Zoosk, Meet Hot Asian Girls, Colombian Cupid and Senior Romance! They wanted to replace all of that with Hot Russian Women Want to Meet You! JJ was not sure. He smelled Russian mafia. Also, he never met the silent partner behind the multi-million dollar offer. But Gary suspected that it was Vladimir Putin. Gary was afraid that as an ex-KGB man he wanted to know all the details and be involved in the day-to-day operations once the Russians took over. JJ’s concerns were more real. He had read about Alexander Litvinenko, the anti-Putin guy who was killed by Polonium 210 in his tea in London and the oil tycoon Khodorkovsky languishing in Serbian jail. That was not JJ’s idea of an early retirement!

Then came the Arabs! A group of investors headed by Sheikh Sabah al-Salem al-Sabah, the nephew of the Kuwaiti Amir wanted a more diversified portfolio of Arabian race horses, yacht clubs and hotels and were ready to top the Russian offer. They liked the Iranian Personals, especially the young Iranian women! But the blogs became a problem. They liked the pro-Palestinian part of the pro-Regime posts, but not the rest of it. They privately liked the anti-American or anti-Israeli blogs, but publicly opposed them. Then came the Wiki Leaks and the whole thing fell apart.

Last week, out of nowhere came the new owners, a thoughtful and low key elderly couple from Iran. They dropped a few millions and gave JJ full editorial control. Their only demand was, “Nothing is Sacred has to go!” and be replaced by the new logo (the picture!)