MallyJack Secrets!

Although separated geographically by a few countries and even more kilometers, Iran and India actually have many things in common. For one, the real rulers of the roost appear to be the women, as Indian women and Iranian women more and more defy the millennia-old male dominated hierarchy in arenas such as medicine, engineering and business. Traditional docility and it's hot cousin, coy submission, are being merely laughed away and more and more gender-based taboos are fast being broken by this proving-to-be-better and braver half. Albeit more slowly in Iran, but purposeful gains are nonetheless obvious. Too obvious to go unpunished.

The similarities between Iran and India go even farther. Take cuisine. Both emphasize the creative use of exotic spices, generous infusions of the almost holy alliance to saffron, intricate complex blends of wonderfully aromatic herbs, all based around the singular slow simmered wonderfully unifying fluffy plump rice.

India has Bollywood as the primary celebratory cultural musical style often associated with elaborate over-the-top weddings. Sound familiar yet? If not, how about we've got Bandari, Baba Karam and Sheesh-o-hasht. About the same amount of gold. Sorry, no Saris though. Sorry.

Both societies value personal accomplishment and success greatly. Higher education and generally doing well is almost tattooed on the foreheads, if not an automatically over emphasized national obsession. Egos, especially the male ones, run high on testosterone. Premium, 100 octane race car grade. No one is Gay. Even if they are. Anyone who gives up high technology, medicine, accounting, or real estate, and say works to save the environment or to better mankind in any way, is Gay.

Most important though is that both peoples live their lives, largely, and always in quiet but unflinching defiance of whatever ruling body of the day happens to think they might be actually governing them. Both presidents are a shared national joke and everyone knows that the elaborate political process designed entirely to elect them, is a rigged show. To keep the other out of their business, the people and their governments publicly pretend to care about each other. Privately, neither is ever invited to the other's private lavish dinner parties. Everyone does drugs to hide the pain.

And so the parallel goes.

A while ago, I read a news item from India that reminded me of this subtle but oft ignored similarity once again. Apparently the current economic boom and fast growth being experienced in India is brushing it's bright future, up against it's ever present distant past, occasionally causing scrapes and scratches, and the presumptive random bloody fatality.

It seems the Rhesus Macacque, a familiar monkey commonly found in India (a rumored distant cousin of Reza's MyCock, found commonly in Ghom), have been going on somewhat of a rampage recently, an obvious backlash against modernity and progressivism. The monkeys have been attacking people. Often violently, even attempting to snatch or harm babies from the very arms of Indian mothers.

So rampant has this become that the deputy Mayor of New Delhi was allegedly killed by an unidentified gang of 6 monkeys who brutally attacked him at his palatial home as he was standing on his balcony on the outskirts of the city. No doubt admiring the picturesque view and beauty of India's digitally-fast-disappearing countryside. Fighting off his attackers to the best of his ability, he was ultimately overcome by their ferocity and overwhelming determination, and tragically lost his balance and fell off the Tuscan-style balcony to his death. I wonder if he had a gun would he be unloading his clip as he fell backwards in slow motion to the ground. As of this writing, it is not known if the "killer-monkeys" will ever be brought to justice. The monkeys questioned, aren't speaking to the authorities. Not because they are afraid of snitching or some dark Macaque loyalty oath, it's just that monkeys can't talk. Yet.

So here's what we have, and it may be entirely possible that the irony may be obvious to you; We have "mad monkeys" traditionally revered by Indians as the manifestation of the monkey god, Hanuman. Often given nuts and bananas by Indians who believe them to be holy. Indians are rapidly and eagerly moving away from the quaint unverifiable deity traditions and religious impracticalities, towards the more atheistic and secular western ideals and social norms. Feeling threatened by the growing arguments for abandoning them and the worship they have historically been accustomed to, the monkeys are rebelling against "Corrupt Western Progress", with every ounce of their god-granted passion, by randomly attacking anyone that they feel might be responsible, as if to send a message to the people as a whole. To keep the average person on the street guessing, they snatch or pounce on the odd child and baby now and then. Maybe they don't like the fashion haircuts or possibly it is the chemicals from the increased use of hair product that sets them off.

So, let me know if any of this sounds strangely and vaguely familiar to anyone who lived in Iran right around the 1970's? Because if you don't, and I can't find a way to stop this screaming in my head, I need to go see my doctor and have her increase my dumb-down-dosage right away.