Iranians in Psychotherapy

I have zero sympathy for men

I have zero sympathy for men who marry much younger women, and end up divorced, and are taken to cleaners. They had it coming.

?

Do you mean to say that divorced women are not upset. They are not upset for having failed in their lives?

For having gone through bitter divorce battle?

If so then that is why the men are so angry, angry at heartless women who might have used them to get the Green Card, and then when [khareshun as poul gozasht] get the divorce, get half the money and prance around the night-clubs?

Trust me, I have dealt with many couples like that, I have been married close to 3 decades myself to the same beautiful Iranian woman. So this is not about me at all. I am talking generally, so to speak.

For Gods sake do not call that kind of girl naive and innocent, some do it pre-planned. This self-victimization sense some of our young girls demonstrate is pathetic and sickening.

Cheers

-YT

Dear "minadadvar",

Be sure you can change Bitter Divorced Men into Bitter Divorced Women, and you will get the same result.

Dear BDM

Is this blogger a doctor?

Has she claimed to hold a Ph.D?

Why are you addressing her as "doctor"?

?

Did minadadvar every say in any of the blogs the area of expertise?

Some of the questions being posed by the blogger have  common sense type answers.

My mentor at university has her doctorate in Psychology. She never had this kind of thinking. It is why I am a little confused about this blogger.

*************

Why are so many bitter divorced individuals (regardless of gender or ethnic group)? They resent having to give up half or more of what they have worked so hard for.

 Even worst when someone has to pay alimony for practically the rest of his/her life. You know, money doesn't grow on trees.

 I would be pissed off too but like IRANdokht mentioned, you have to let it go. If one holds on to the hatred and resentment you only harm yourself. The best revenge is to move on with your life and be extremely happy. :o)

Proof: My ex just hates finding out how much better my life keeps getting. :o)

I on the other hand prefer to not speak to him or know about him. As far as I am concerned he is the past and I live in the present .........moving towards the future. As it should be.............

Dear Doctor Dadvar,

I've noticed you don't participate in your own blogs, and then in one of your blogs I noticed you said, "I hope that responding through a blog is not too inappropriate. I am new at this and did not know a better way." So, I'm assuming you don't know how to post comments in your own blogs, so here is how you do it to start a dialogue with your reader; after you log in to your registered name go to your blog, at the bottom of your blog there is comment section, in the subject area type in a subject, then in the comment area type your comment. If your comment is too long consider typing it in a Word document first, spell and grammar check it and then copy and paste it in the comment section, then click on "Preview comment", then if you like it click on "Post comment".

Here is another hint, in the subject matter if you want to direct your comment to someone specific type the person's name there. And here is another hint, don't be discouraged by non-registered users like me, there are a lot of people out there that will test you to see what you're made of.

I hope this will help you better manage your blogs, and please try to act professionally since you discuss professional matters.

No Two Cases Are Alike

There are the bitter guys, bitter because they're going to pay through the nose for child support, for example, knowing that very little if any of it will go for the child.

Then there are the guys who are glad to pay so along as they never have to see their ex-wives again.

And there'e everything else in between. It's not unique to just one culture, it's global.

When men get married nowadays, they usually don't think it through. Ask a guy in the days leading right up to his wedding, "where do you see the two of you __ years from now?" The answer will invariably be either "happy with 2 kids and a mortgage" or "gee, I dunno". Scary, but true.

The "it won't happen to us" syndrome always leads to disappointment. Not always a divorce, but always a disappointment. And who are you going to take it out on? Your neighbor?

t you need help

Stop being ridiculous and stop spewing venom and hate! both the blogger and the anonymous "t" should seriously seek professional help to get over their personal vendettas. 

I am very sorry for what you have obviously gone through in your personal lives, but sh.. happens: get over it, move on and try to find peace.

IRANdokht

Why Bitter?

Why feel bitter? Simple and understandable;and by the way I'm a woman talking. It's not a matter of whether you're a woman or man, rather the economic unfairness. Men are generally the victims of it because they are the bread winners and the women the nonworking person who think are entitled to at least half at the time of divorce. Not because of their contribution but because of loss of opportunity to marry someone richer.
The man goes out and works his ass off to make a good living while the woman sits home. BTW, I can't believe how many educated Iranian woman with high degrees sit home after having a child or reduce their work to 2 days a week. A joke in my mind. And, no they are not there to take care of the kids, rather they have nannies and are having a good time with their other stay home friends. So, esentially they are not making much of a contribution to the community(in terms of money or house work)but at the time of divorce think they at least deserve 50%. Why? Where is the justification.
The problem are the men and their judgement when they marry these women. They don't think through these issues. They fall for those gals who have time all day (because they don't have a career) to work out at the gym and take care of themselves. After all those are the "bahal" ones. Those gals are the ones who know how to play the game right because after all to marry Mr. Right is their career goal. Also, it seems men are intimidated by the career woman who if not equal could be better than them, so they fall for the gal who makes them feel more important.
Divorce is difficult for both parties. Bitter Divorced Man, although you feel there is economic unfairness there for you, at the end of the day you're better off than your ex because you're in control of your life and destiny. She is completely dependent on you. Most likely before you married, she was dependent on her parents, then she became dependent on you and in the future she will have to find another man to depend on or if she were to not marry she will become dependent on your kids. That's a sad life.
Go have a hell of the time (specially with those other desparate divorced woman who are looking for their next victim to support them). Just don't fall for it again. Marry a financially independent woman next time. By independent I mean the woman who makes her own money and not getting a support check or got half of someone else's money. Those women are generally better life companions and are marrying for love as opposed to money.

Lets not generalize

I would think that an educated professional (assuming that by the subjects you bring up in your blogs) would know better than to generalize like this.

Trust me, I have seen a few bitter, angry, divorced Iranian men in my life, but I have also met Iranian men who are friends with their ex, participate in their children's lives and support them without feeling used.

I am sorry that you have only seen the worst, but if you really are educated in the sociology or psychology, you should know that not all people of the same nationality act the same way. 

IRANdokht

just curious...

doctor in which field?

Are you talking to me?

There's nobody else here! you must be talking to me. But I am not angry and I feel kind of guilty about it. I didn't have to share my wages and I was free to move on. Then maybe you are not talking to me. I like marrage and beleive everybody should get married at least 3 times.

Come down dear Doctor

"What the hell" is the matter with you? Good grief, you sound out of control! For someone who has a PhD, you sure ask a lot of questions, instead of providing some answers. God forbid, do I detect some anger and frustration coming out of you?

And who said I am going through a hard time? I'm having one hell of a time, one hell of a time!