Monda

Iranian Reader joon

You posed a great question here! What would I have wanted to do with my crushes back then? You got me thinking now. I guess the feeling of being in love was enough for me!  I was happy with feeling my the intensity of it all!...fast heartbeats and the rush of blood to my cheeks and ears, so forth! I guess that's why my crushes and I didn't talk. I for one was clueless about the basics of human contact which one could include vocal communication  as an integral part of. You know when I read JJ's piece, I envied him for playing all those games and tricks to be near his love. He was one gallant  lover if you ask me. messle man bi orzeh nabood :o)

Please let your son know that we did not go on a honeymoon either. My daughter may have been around your son's age when she asked where we went on our honeymoon. When I asked her why honeymoon is necessary, she said people fall in love, get married and go on honeymoon. She wanted us to go to Hawaii with her.   

Monda jan kheili lotf dari

me? brave? well not when it comes to "les affairs du coeur", usually I am in complete denial in that department and things haven't changes since I was in elementary school (ouch) ;-)

we spent a lot of times together with both our families and I was supposed to be friends with his younger sister, but I had more to talk about with him. His father taught us how to swim when I was about 7. I didn't know if Kourosh saw me as a girl or just a buddy and I still don't know....

Maybe some day I may actually talk to him. But I think I'd rather keep the sweet memory of the crush. 

Iranian reader, sweet suggestion by your kid!  I never had a honeymoon either. Maybe next time :0)

IRANdokht

It is true, it was more than a crush, and it's a funny thing

because I think there is a significant cultural element here. I used the word "love" because I truly believe I was in love with Allen, yet at the same time I used the story in response to your blog about crushes. Every American I have ever told the story to has denied that could be love, I think Iranians (in general) have some insights here which I share (very outside of my culture and part of why I am drawn to Persian culture...)

Allen was different from everyone I grew up with. In Forest Hills Queens we had lots of rockers (Ramones and Simon & Garfunkel all came from my high school, e.g.) but they did not have a cosmoplitan je ne sais quoi about them like Allen did. I found out later that he was the son of a very important editor of Stanley Kubrick's and had travelled back and forth with his dad to be with Kubrick in London and LA while growing up. Allen now works for a major film studio in LA and also makes his own films.

I think Allen struck very deep chords in me about my own goals and potential and the person I would become at the time when I was leading a rather parrochial life in our little semi-suburban neighborhood. I think there was a great depth to my feelings for Allen because I intuited that he held a key to my own evolution and self-understanding. So yes I think it was a kind of real love. But I don't think Americans can "get it" and that is probably the reason for the contradiction you sort of caught me out on--that I called it "love" while classifying it as a "crush"... Americans have "rules" about what constitutes "love"..it must develop first this way then that..all else is obsession, addiction, etc., in other words it is psychologized away...anyway...

as for Donny, no, for me he was the essence of not cool and Bolan was the essence of cool. His death was tragic. Donny flourishes as a star in Vegas.

And when I remember Laurel (mystery girl) in her cheap polyester pastel-colored highwater pants with Allen somewhere in between Bolan and Kubrick...well..what can you say but that life is a (tragi-) comedy of errors? "And all these years I thought she hated me.." What if I'd just once been able to crack him a smile?

Thx for the reply here and on my thread.
Roxane

This got me thinking...

My secret crushes were all imaginary. I invented guys and fell in love with them. Believe it or not, one I named Jahanshah...! And there was always skiing involved. In fact -- I wonder -- what did we all imagine doing with our crushes?

Recenetly my son asked me what his dad and I did for our honeymoon. We hadn't gone on a honeymoon so he said maybe now the three of us should go on a honeymoon. So I asked him what his idea of a great honeymoon is. He said, pitch a tent by a lake and go canoeing together!

I imagined going skiing with my Jahanshah, dangling our legs from the chairlift and chewing gum. I think I was influenced by Tom Sawyer and Becky Thatcher!

Dear t

You said, "His reponse was that he loved me too.My thoughts, "I still want to be with you". His reply "me too". So many years, so many events but we were in each other's heart and mind." And what are you willing to do with that? Sounds like a huge responsibility...But wait were those in your thoughts or vocalized? Thank you for your comment.

IRANdokht aziz

khasteh nabaashee khanom! you are a maniac! i so enjoyed your selection of poems...i'm surprised that you and Nazy even noticed my blog!

WOW be khodet IRANdokht...you were talking to your prince on the balcony at age 12... now that speaks of better than average self esteem at that age. Wouldn't you say?! Well in my book anyway. khosh behaalat, afarin.

Why not tell Kourosh about your feelings for him all those years ago? zarfiat nadaareh? por roo misheh? Only you can decide.  Depending on the man and how you want your storytelling to be interprested, right? I'm sure as wise as you are, you have clear reasons for not telling him. Some people take these things too seriously and they may have good reasons for doing that.

Now back to your moshaareh before someone posts theirs :o)

Nazy aziz

It's wonderful that you are in touch with two of your princes. (Naagholaa how many were there?!) Isn't it about getting to know ourselves more completely by ackowledging each part of us at different stages of growing up? 

p.s. Nazy i'm really impressed by your knowledge and hozoor zehn at moshaaereh lady! how did you have time to leave me a feedback? :o)

I did the same

There is something to be said about vocalizing your love to a past flame. When I did it, I felt liberated. Like you Monda, I didn't want to take what I felt for him to the grave with me.

His reponse was that he loved me too.My thoughts, "I still want to be with you". His reply "me too". So many years, so many events but we were in each other's heart and mind.

So to all others thinking about it, try it. At a minimum you get it off your chest and move on. I think Iranian women of our era and older think it is improper and not lady like to mention that they loved someone in their youth. There is nothing wrong with loving someone and more importantly sharing the thoughts and feeling you had/have for that person with that person.

but Rosie that was bigger than a crush!

and I'd probably leave it be in my head like you did..or maybe not I don't know. Hey I was very much into both T Rex AND Donny Osmond! I wonder which group I'd fit into if I was here back then. In Iran of mid 70's I used to watch Donny & Marie on thursday nights @8 because I had nothing better to do unless we had family gatherings! I was not not allowed to date or even play tennis with boys until age 19. So Donny was a big event in my life. Hey he was cute ok? T Rex on the other hand does not need one bit of justification for having been one of my all time favorites, I used to play their LP's over and over until the needle would skip, in which case I'd save my money and order another one from this huge record store called Beethoven in Tehran.  

Incredible...I found the boy I was madly in love with...

 in junior high school and my first year in high school in Queens, NY on the Internet a couple of years ago. He was my best friend's next-door neighbor. He was so hip, so popular, and I was scared to death of him and every time I'd see him I'd freeze.. I never talked to him. After suffering for two years I got another close friend to call him for me and without telling who she was or her connection to me, to tell him the few things I knew about him from being so close and yet so far. She was the biggest nerd on earth, she was in love with DONNY OSMOND and Allen was this major rocker and I was into T Rex and Yes but out of the loop of the cool crowd. He was intrigued by her and asked her to call back and started calling her his "mystery girl",  After a few weeks he asked to meet her and they became a couple. I almost had a nervous breakdown, a real one. Then I had to become friends with him and hang out with them next door. She told him everything and she told me all he said was, "And all these years I thought she hated me."

I found him by I'net in a couple of places with direct contacts. He works for a major film studio and has been happily married for 25 years. I wanted very much to contact him but an experience my sister'd had with a high school friend she'd dredged up on I'net had been disappointing. And so I decided to leave the past past so I could remain true to it exactly as I'd held it in my memory all these year, and keep him as he'd been. And keep that time of my life in all its pain and magnificent beauty. 

And so I have.  But that's just me.

Wow!

How amazing! Wish you the best.................

 //www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dUxiXj9Z2g

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxjEdGtTNJw

Life

... is beautiful, no? This is so sweet, and human, Monda.

Monda jan

Yes I am still awake and all wound up and just finished reading your blog! 

WOW!!

You are one brave lady Monda. I don't know if I would do this. I know my childhood crush (the boy next door) lives in San Francisco for the past 32 years. He was older than me and he left for US before the revolution. Our bedrooms had a common wall and we used to knock on the wall and then meet on the balcony to talk. I don't even remember what we talked about!! I was 12 at the time we moved away. Our fathers are still friends and I have even spoken to his Dad on the phone as recently as last year.

I think I'd rather die with the secret than talk to Kourosh about it.

Thanks for sharing your story

IRANdokht

Fantastic!

That's really great Monda! And what a great story you wrote! Afarin! You should write more. I can't wait to hear more about your new-found old friends. What a brave thing you did, though I'm not tempted yet. I am in touch with two of them and that's enough for now!