n.zanincanadai
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Anonymous Users Might Unite
01-Apr-2008
My fellow anonymous users,
I love you. Over the years, you’ve submitted some of the most fascinating pieces to Iranian.com. From unsolicited advice to observations, poetry and articles, you never cease to amaze me. The things you say when no one is watching (almost no one) have entertained me. You’ve actually taught me a lot too.
Many contributors use their real names here and share their pictures with us. I don’t trust some of them. Hey, I could take a picture from the Internet and register as “Sepideh Gholam-Hajari” (not a real person – don’t sue me) and boast about my bravery and guts: “I put a name to what I write man!”
Hail Mary, Joseph and all the rest of our Lord’s family! Let the proud and the bold come forth and teach me a better way. Let them convince me to commit cyber suicide and get rid of Nazanin. Isn’t it called “seraat al mostagheem” or something? Don’t they have an obligation to lead me to the Promised Land?
AMMA! Every time I doubt someone’s real identity, I remember that I couldn’t care less who they are. I just want to read them. This has never been an issue for me. I take the high road ladies and gentlemen! To be fair though, most haters have had the decency to attack me via email. If I were personally attacked where it bleeds, maybe I would feel different.
Most readers never submit their thoughts and don’t even comment. If you are one of those people and decide to join the crowd (peer pressure?), I have some advice that might be useful.
1- I suggest you pick an Iranian.com mentor, someone real. Submit your writings or comments only when your mentor makes an appearance! This way, you won’t be over exposed. Just don’t make it obvious or s/he might sue you for stalking.
2- For God’s sake (or Buddha or Judah or any other Voodoo lounge you confess to), don’t openly insult anyone. Swear at them in your head. This is a tough one because so many people are idiots (sure, include me in that group), and so many people lie! But curb your enthusiasm! Get a hold of your anger. Don’t be rude. Don’t remark on anyone’s appearance, education, sexuality or political affiliations. If you have to criticize someone, do it without involving their female relatives and without labeling them. Even in an overcharged political environment, pacifists are memorialized with national holidays. The Chechen rebel fighter gets no respect on CNN! Remember, chances are you’re no Che Guevara so take it easy from your home office compadre! "Hun" No one is counting on you to change the world.
3- Try not to say anything sexual. Otherwise, you’ll be called a professional sex worker with years of experience under your belt. I know that political leaders love sluts and pay for them, but not Iranian.com users.
4- Try not to get political. Otherwise, you’ll be asked about your education. Yes, yes, never mind that most of the criticism comes from people who haven’t read a book this week but they are more powerful. Just try to stay away from this topic.
5- Don’t talk too much about yourself. Otherwise, people will complain that you talk too much about yourself.
6- Keep your religious views away please. I don’t know why but it’s not cool to believe in something beyond yourself. You can be spiritual if you want. But not religious. So don’t admit that you believe in god and never say “be hagheh 5 tan”. Instead say “I gangbanged 5 people” or tell us about how you’ve come to the conclusion that God doesn’t exist (site at least 5 holy books you’ve read cover to cover).
7- Youtube links are ALWAYS appreciated.
8- It’s never Ok to attack another writer. But it’s perfectly fine to attack groups of people.
9- Some courageous souls here aren’t afraid of you. Yet, some how they can’t get over you. They write about you. They decide not to write because of you. They discuss you to death. They go to sleep wondering if comments by different users come from you. They wonder if you know them. They think they know you etc You are very powerful.
10- JJ is the best. Always stand up to defend him.
I can’t think of anything else at the moment. It’s a boring subject isn’t it? I just thought the anonymous users should unite and unionize. We can demand our rights too? Could you imagine? Of course, I want to be the leader. Pass chi?
What you don’t want is to be in this situation, remember high school? Someone might eventually send you to this guy's class.
Of course, if you are sensible enough not to talk, then babe, you’ve got it made!
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| I am an arab | 50 | Dec 15, 2008 |
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Nazy
by Judge (Ghazi) (not verified) on Mon Apr 21, 2008 08:50 AM PDTTake a look at Azadeh Azad's Poem Persian Dirt Under the Carpet, and what she had done to all the comments:
//iranian.com/main/2008/persian-dirt-unde...
Unbelievable!!
Jamshid
You are funny and smart!
by Monda on Thu Apr 03, 2008 08:10 PM PDTSo are most of your writings! Thank you for helping me change my mood after a long day. You remind me of this girl I knew in Reza Shah Kabir high school. Was that you?!
Azarin: When you leave a
by n.zanincanadai on Wed Apr 02, 2008 05:17 AM PDTAzarin: When you leave a comment I get to interpret the tone. The same goes for me. Criticism is very important to me because I need it to improve my writing. However, if a tone of "maskhareh kardan" is used on my blogs, I no longer accept it. After months of experimentation here, I don't think I need to stand for it anymore. In the future, please say whatever you want in any tone you want but nothing that seems like it is making fun of me or my reader. I realize this is only my interpretation but we all interpret things don't we? My ammeh has nothing to do with my insecurities, in the future, if you MUST refer to them, start with my small breasts. But don't be surprised if your comment gets deleted for being mean spirited. Love YA!
Niki. Yes I am aware that my multiple personality disorder is not under full control. Generally though, my tone doesn't come through my writing. If you saw my face you would see that what you're interpreting as mean spirited is innocent questions or fumblings which I have no problem admitting and apologizing for (if someone asks for it). I am trying to control my tone. But my edge is part of my writing and without it I might just be a nice one like you :) That would be sucky for me.
Thanks I will keep the advice as I try to improve.
Daddy take your hand off(
by zan-bil (not verified) on Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:29 PM PDTDaddy take your hand off( baba dast vardar)
een maybe/ghodrat (might) you knight (unite)et dareh koja mireh?
we from the first(ma az aval) hit ourselves to alley of crosseyed ali(khodemoono zadim beh koocheh ali chap)!
Yaa'ni nah midoonim nah mikhahim bedoonim nah aslan care mikonim... vali nashod keh, babajoon!
let's sit beside the stomachs of each other (bezar vardel-e ham beshinim) o eshghi bokonim!
Take your hand off this bald head of mine lady, (dast az in sar-e kachal-e maa var dar khanoom!
Too bad.
by Niki Tehranchi on Tue Apr 01, 2008 10:50 PM PDTI have enjoyed all of your witty articles, and some of your hilarious comments, whether to your own pieces or others' writings. Sometimes though, you lash out quite viciously against commentators and other writers (not to mention JJ) who really have done nothing to provoke such a degree of ire. At that point, it ceases to be funny and becomes just mean-spirited, even bullyish. For example, in this case, Azarin. I know, I know, you are going to tell me to buzz off and leave the donuts alone...
I ddunno...
by maziar58 (not verified) on Tue Apr 01, 2008 07:09 PM PDTman i like to follow all this comments,It looks like an L.S.D trip; But I hope not
jj keep the good work.
This piece so far is the best for 2(:-)(:-)8
by :<D (not verified) on Tue Apr 01, 2008 05:32 PM PDTI hope our Iranian singers come up with a version of Bob Marley - Get up Stand up.
Zanincanadai, your creativity rocks.
How about ...
by Anonymouse on Tue Apr 01, 2008 05:04 PM PDTShahanshah faghat Jahanshah, mellat hameh dow sar ghaf.
That may not come out right.
or how about ...
Zendeh bawd Jahanshah, comment bede yallah.
or what you said
Dolat faghat Jahanshah. Comment faghat dar khafa.
Anonymouse: Nah I don't
by n.zanincanadai on Tue Apr 01, 2008 04:27 PM PDTAnonymouse:
Nah I don't want deleting power. I just want a fun group of people that are reasonable and don't get ahead of themselves when I do! :)
Pop culture is great. I never talked about good or bad. Googoosh isn't around the group of people that molded her into what she was in the 70s. She is trying to get a new audience too. So she raps. I spend too much money when I saw her first in Toronto and then in LA. Basseshe.
JJ can kill your ID whenever he wants. This is his galaxy and he is God. He has to be in the shoar.
Hezb faghat Jahanshah dolat faghat Jahanshah is ok with me but we can make our own constitution
Bruce Bahmani...ey baba you aren't anonymous ki ejaze dad comment bedin??? Hala ma ye ahang gozashtim baratun...ehsasati nasho.
AWESOME!!
by bahmani on Tue Apr 01, 2008 04:11 PM PDTI love it...
Now Nazanin wouldn't you
by Anonymouse on Tue Apr 01, 2008 02:15 PM PDTNow Nazanin wouldn't you wanted to have the deleting power to delete links to Mozart in leningrad (third movement) from the left one?
These are the times when I think writers should have deleting power to delete some. Especially for the anonymous union!
How about?
Delete! Delete! ta rooz-e ghiyamat!
Anonymous union can not have too many rules.
by Anonymouse on Tue Apr 01, 2008 01:56 PM PDTFree at last. Free at last! Thank god almighty I am free at last!
Nothing bad about pop culture? Depends on the pop culture. By the way I bought the new Googoosh's CD, BIG BIG BIG MISTAKE. Complete and 100% bull shit. Believe you me, I buy into pop culture but this one totally sucks. She is rapping for god sake. I was holding dearly to hear at least one good song in her entire album, but nope, nada, zilch. Maybe her next album.
We can't equate khoda with JJ. Besides hezb faghat hezbollah, or hawj faghat haj agha, refer to something, so you have to say religion faghat Jahanshah or something like that.
Shoar dorost az noon-e shab vajeb tare, in all cases even in today's politics.
How about?
JJ balayee delbar! Balo balayee JJ. Anonymous ha ra namoodee, JJ, bal o balayee delbar!
Azarin don't talk down to
by n.zanincanadai on Tue Apr 01, 2008 01:34 PM PDTAzarin don't talk down to me or to anyone on this blog. I have been patient with you but take it easy ms chopin gone wilde. Pop culture is very important in the development of every culture's identity. Keep the ear phones on and look straight ahead mabaadaa ye chizi yaad begiri. This is a satirical peice. Obviously Mozart rafteh be saret khanum musical genius. Work on the bug will ya?
Oh and, stay away from the donuts.
What is it that Einstein said about brilliant minds???
On behalf of the Anonymous
by A nonymous (not verified) on Tue Apr 01, 2008 01:25 PM PDTOn behalf of the Anonymous Community of the North Pole,
Hey you guys with names (real and unreal), yes, we have rights too.
You don't believe me? would you like to meet my lawyer?
:)
Oh Oh Oh I got it...what
by n.zanincanadai on Tue Apr 01, 2008 12:58 PM PDTOh Oh Oh I got it...what about:
Will the real slim shady please stand up please stand up?
Get it...anonymous isn't real...huh huh?
Anonymouse we have bigger
by n.zanincanadai on Tue Apr 01, 2008 12:56 PM PDTAnonymouse we have bigger problems! No one who snubbs their nose to Iranian pop culture is allowed in!!! Let them eat cake!
Khoda faghat Jahanshah, Rahbar faghat X (Who ever happens to be X. Right now, it's me)
We'll use your slogan too.
Nazanin slogan is most important.
by Anonymouse on Tue Apr 01, 2008 12:31 PM PDTShoar-e dorost is more important than our nan-e shab. So we must agree on the slogan first and then we go to other things like the application process, moderation policy, etc.
Oh if we use JJ's name as part of our slogan we must get his approval in writing. We don't want to offend him and want to make sure he can take a joke, which I'm sure he can.
Anonymous users dast! Jahanshah raghs! Hala bar aks!
Azarin: //www.youtube
by n.zanincanadai on Tue Apr 01, 2008 12:10 PM PDTAzarin:
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=4G7XQ4ULBeM&eurl=//widget-a9.slide.com/widgets/sf.swf
Azarin can't see happiness?
by Anonymouse on Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:51 AM PDTWhat's the matter we are boring you or entertaining you? seems we are entertaining you which caused you to say something. So if you must say something say something nice. Poor Russian who thought you were his friend. Sit back and enjoy. We are eyeranians not Russian.
Anonymous users dast! Jahanshah raghs! Hala bar aks!
Have you commented anonymously today?
by Anonymouse on Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:43 AM PDTI like "Have you commented anonymously today?" better. Or how about?
Anonymous users dast! Jahanshah raghs! Hala bar aks!
Abarmard, Ben Madadi, Niki Tehranchi, Pooneh Tehrani or Shabnam Ghayour and others are anonymous users too. They have a picture but photo darim ta photo. You can't make anything out. You should post a photo too as your avatar. You can post a photo from behind you head so you can remain anonymously.
As for going on strikes, halesh nist. Not only JJ doesn't pay us, we are donating to his cause. So strike yani che?!
Anonymous users dast! Jahanshah raghs! Hala bar aks!
Noch. What about:Khoda
by n.zanincanadai on Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:32 AM PDTNoch. What about:
Khoda faghat Jahanshah, Khoshgel faghat Nazanin as Shoar
What happens on iranian.com stays on iranian.com as mission stmt
Or just FUBU (For us by us)
Our national anthem HAS to be this. It just HAS To:
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=4G7XQ4ULBeM&eurl=//widget-a9.slide.com/widgets/sf.swf
But what do we do is someone like Abarmard wants to join? That can't be his real name. I mean Googoosh, Madonnoa, Prince and even Puffy have real names. But he has a picture?! So it's a tough call.
We would have to have a purpose. We could hold a writing contest. Categories such as Poetry, Article, Commentary. And if it's a union, we would have to go on strike every once in a while and walk off or something. Then just when the corporation has replaced us, we could come back. Wow...the possibilities are endless.
One thing is for sure, mediation is only allowed through Jahanshah. After all everyone plays dirty once in a while right?
What will be the slogan?
by Anonymouse on Tue Apr 01, 2008 10:48 AM PDTWe will need a slogan. How about
Hawj! faghat Haj agha! Rahnar fagha Haj agha! Oops that is not going to work since you are going to be the Rahbar.
what about.
JJ be man goft. Chi Goft? Khodesh be man goft. Chi goft? MAN AZ ANONYMOUS MITARSAM! Oops this is not going to work either, we need an English slogan and JJ isn't afraid of anonymous users. He just caved in to Deleters, sorry Volunteers.
how about?
JJ comments anonymously too.
or
Anonymous users do it anonymously.
or
In anonymous users we trust.
or
Have you kissed your anonymous user today?
or
Have you commented anonymously today?
Once we decide on the slogan we can start the movement to add it as a trailer to our comments. Like Hajiagha's broken link to his homepage.
Anonymouse you will be the
by n.zanincanadai on Tue Apr 01, 2008 10:37 AM PDTAnonymouse you will be the vice president of the union. The picture, well I keep trying to upload my paintings and prints but the pictures are too big. In vasat, technical problem dashtam.
To all the readers, last advice, try this approach to all those who pick on you
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=4G7XQ4ULBeM&eurl=//widget-a9.slide.com/widgets/sf.swf
Most Excellent and original!
by Anonymousk (not verified) on Tue Apr 01, 2008 10:34 AM PDTMost Excellent and original! Thanks. I enjoyed reading every word!
Nazanin you changing avatars are giving me a headache!
by Anonymouse on Tue Apr 01, 2008 09:52 AM PDTHow come you can have 2 avatars? one red and one Shahyad. What's the deal?
If you want to help me edit
by n.zanincanadai on Tue Apr 01, 2008 08:30 AM PDTIf you want to help me edit my stuff, let me know. Real users need not apply, I'm NOT an equal opportunity employer. This is only for anonymous users who want to try their hand at grammer correction or collaborative work. Real users can register under anonymous names and then apply. That's ok.