by n.zanincanadai

Yesterday, I wasted your time with random thoughts about monarchists (I'm equally disappointed by non monarchists and my wrath will eventually descend upon them with great fury). Today, I want to talk about virginity! Sorry folks, I won't get into physical details as my goal is to go deeper than the hymen (no pun intended).

In this blog I won't analyze religion because most religions declare fornication a sin. What kind of an argument can you make if God himself was born to a virgin?

In a pessimistic world view, lack of sexual experience, innocence, is central to how people are defined. In a world full of violence and rape where even a minimum level of personal security is a myth, virginity is a big deal. If one lives in constant danger and doesn't even trust his neighbors...virginity is a big deal. It's logical because safety and sexuality become unrecognizably tangled. They're both territorial notions.

In an unstable social environment where a large portion of the population is wasted pulp, gossip is a tangible problem. When many bored young people don't have easy access to education, women's talents are overlooked or men lack a steady stream of intellectual challenges, what's between your neighbor's daughter's legs is a big deal. Add gender segregation, fear and anxiety and you end up in societies that cloak their women head to toe (many places imprison women in various forms of "modest" attire).

In that fatalistic social order, everyone wants to protect their family's reputation! Wouldn't you? What else is there?

What about economic instability? It's impossible to have a thriving global economy and leave half the population at home making polo. But when jobs are scarce, it's only natural that men would have precedence. And if women don't have economic power, their bodies don't belong to them. It's always been this way.

Aside from socioeconomic issues, it's a historical fact that when human beings made the connection between sex and pregnancy, Goddess cults began to subside and women had to take the back seat. This is understandable because if a man can't be certain about who has fathered his child; he has to control his wife's sexuality. But I ask you, do we want to hold ourselves to that same level of biological ignorance and mistrust?

Let's consider an alternate world view. Imagine a place where sexual relations are a personal choice and no one is punished for their preference. No one is called names, considered unmarriageable or considered impure.

I have to be fair, anti fornicators aren't always religious zealots. Some men choose to marry virgins and hopefully there are an equal number of potential mates who willingly and consciously meet that demand. Shiny happy people holding hands. But it would be nice if virgin lovers would at least be conscious of their choices beyond traditional bounds and made decisions based on logic instead of outdated and morally reprehensible concepts. By the same token, I hope that everyone is fair and wise enough to extend their expectations to both genders. Holding genders to different standards is a sign of bigotry and ignorance.

In a positive world view, sex is seen as part of a healthy life style. Sex isn't dirty (don't be naughty, you know what I mean!) and people don't want to control their neighbors' activities. No one obsesses over curtains and rods and other body parts. A woman's fidelity, love, respect and worth isn't reduced to her virginity but her social and economic accomplishments (some of which could actually include past relationships).

Is it wrong to assume that some societies may have better sexual norms than Iran? Anyone who denies that Western societies have healthier sex lives (at least in terms of comfort and privacy) is being gheyrati and kidding themselves. New York might have more VD than Shiraz and teenage pregnancy is a real problem in some areas. But are those things worse than repressed sexual urges on a mass national scale? Nope. It's noble and intelligent to learn from societies we interact with and teach them a thing or two in the process. I'm not apologetic for the positive things I learn from other people (which is mostly made up of immigrants anyway).

In these hours, my thoughts are with the women who have to carry the social dysfunctions and economic burdens of their societies on a frail little thing called the hymen.

To my Lover:


Recently by n.zanincanadaiCommentsDate
اینگونه فریادم بی صداتر است
Aug 11, 2009
Glad to have known the pleasure of your company
Mar 24, 2009
I am an arab
Dec 15, 2008
more from n.zanincanadai

What goes on in the pauses

by n.zanincanadai on

What goes on in the pauses of this converstaion? Which is about free will and politics and the need for passion.   Just this: I think of the woman they did not kill. Instead they sewed her face shut, closed her mouth to a hole the size of a straw, and put her back on the streets, a mute symbol.   It doesn't matter where this was done or why or whether by one side or the other; Such things are done as soon as there are sides. And I don't know if good men liviging crisp lives exist because of this woman or in spite of her.   But power like this is not abstract, it's not concerned with politics and free will, it's beyond slogans.   And as for passion, this is its intricate denial! The knife that cuts lovers out of your flesh like tumours, leaving you breathless, and without a name, flattened, bloodless even your voice cauterized by too much pain,   A flayed body untangled string by string and hung to the wall, an agonized banned displayed for the same reason flags are.   Margaret Atwood


حاجئ اقا کجائی


حاجئ اقا کجائی که یادت بخیر. این صحبت تو رو میطلبه. قهر نکن و ما رو از نظرات خودت مستفیض کن. بیا بابا بیا. ببین فارسی هم برات نوشتم که دیگه ناز نکنی. اومدی ها!؟

persian westender

Nazanin,  Of course men

by persian westender on

Nazanin,  Of course men can remain virgin like women. I only was saying that since men have no hymen like women, they can not prove that they are virgin like women, so unlike women their virginity or so called sexual obstinence, remains a mistery. I also was saying that since this anatomical member; according to mentaliy of 'ancient elders of the clan', is created by god only for women and not the men; PERHAPS they started to see that only women should be accountable for sexual abstinence and not the men...and maybe the story of gender inequality starts by this and similar assumptions. Socioeconomic factors contributing in gender equality are in next level, and historically are based on physical differences between men and women.

Apparently, no bio-physical difference should be a reason for inequality. 





by American Wife (not verified) on

Without getting into a religious discussion, there are a WHOLE LOT of people who do believe in "immaculate conception".  But to respond to that comment jokingly, you most certainly can get pregnant without  And there are lots of young girls (and boys) trying to convince Mom and Dad that "but Daddy, I swear I didn't go all the way". 

Ahhh... the memories of "firsts".  

Ebi... you're making me miss that old

bajenaghe naghi

nazanin jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

I am not a sofisticated and educated man but if you ask me I tell you that virginity is a marketing concept made up by the parents of good and clean living girls to attract husbands. It has worked for years and years.


We had a friend - Iranian,

by sunny (not verified) on

We had a friend - Iranian, Male , Handsome, 30-31 for whom every member of his family and friends including myself were trying to find a wife!
We were close. One day he told hubby and I
" Bubba man dokhtare bache saal e masalan aftab mahtab nadideh nemikham, chtori begam? ...nemikham... hoseleh az alf be shorou kardan yad dadan ro nadaram.
Hala hey be man dokhtare az tanoor dar oomadeh moarefi mikonan!
Dast az saram var darid, khodam peyda mikonam... "
I think in another 2, 3 years he married the girl he wanted.
I didn't meet her untill their wedding, since we had moved to another city.
She was a sweetheart.

Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez

Dear mouse.......thank you

by Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez on

for the explanation.

Solh va Doosti



Bubba is an Iranian slank.

by Anonymouse on

Bubba is an Iranian slank. I also kinda sorta use it like the English version, like when we called Bill Clinton a Bubba. Bubba actually means father in Farsi, like Daddy is in English.

Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez

mouse...who is Bubba?

by Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez on

On the definition thing, I was not aware it was a competition.

Solh va Doosti



Nice article.

by Zion on

I enjoyed it. Thanks.


My definition beats your definition!

by Anonymouse on

Bubba that was a joke!

Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez had the following definitions

by Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez on


1. the state or condition of being a virgin. 2. the state or condition of being pure, fresh, or unused. 3. Informal. any naive, uninitiated, or uninformed state.

n.   pl. vir·gin·i·ties

  1. The quality or condition of being a virgin.
  2. The state of being pure, unsullied, or untouched.

1. The quality or state of being a virgin; undefiled purity or chastity; maidenhood.


2. The unmarried life; celibacy. [Obs.] --Chaucer.


ali reza you are not thinking clearly

by Kurdish Warrior (not verified) on

Fist of all not all Iranian men think like you. And if some do they must be either narrow minded or stupid. Did you know that alot of girls who have sex before marriage can easily do operation so that when they marry, the man believes that she is virign. I personally met someone when I was 20 who did this few times, becuase she was scared of her parents whom advised her to stay virgin..These thoughts are just nonsence.


Mouse, look it up in the

by n.zanincanadai on

Mouse, look it up in the dictionary. A virgin is anyone who hasn't had sexual intercourse.

I don't have a problem with abstinence and people are free to make choices and marry anyone they want. But I've looked into this virginity, rape, and female genital mutilation and prostitution (for school I SWEAR). And they all have an element of power in them. In all cases they are socio economic consequences. I don't know how else to put it. For Aghdas khanum's daughter, wanting to wait for marriage could be defined on the basis of love. And for Zahra khanum's son, his wanting to marry a virgin could be defined on the basis of love and "virtue". But the root of the obsession is socio economic. The reason female virginity is a big deal is because women don't earn money. When women work and make money, they usually have access to contraceptives, safe abortions, and relatively healthy sex. When they don't earn money, they don't have a voice and their bodies belong to their parents, or husbands or religion.


Virgin joke

by Anonymouse on

Q: what is the definition of virgin?
A: On the verge .... but not in.

As far as male virginity, that is really never an issue. You touch and that's pretty much it. Isn't it?!

Jahanshah Javid

Hymen humor

by Jahanshah Javid on

Well said NC. The topic is always fascinating, although it's funny no one gives a damn about male virginity.

On a side note I wanted to share my favorite virginity joke. I'm sure many of you have heard it, but for the benefit of those who haven't:

Yeh Esfahani ro meegeeran meebaran daadgaah beh ettehaam e paareh kardan e pardeye bekaarat e yeh dokhtar.

Ghaazi hokm meedeh: 100 zarbeh shallaagh, 20 million toman jareemeh.

Esfahaniye meegeh: Hazrat e ghaazi, oon 100 zarbeh shallaagh o meefahmam, amaa oon pardeh ro baa maa metri chand hesaab kardeen?


Why men want to marry a virgin?

by just a visitor (not verified) on

In summary:

Q: Why do men want to marry a virgin?
A: Because they can't stand criticism.


Saving one-self for Mr. Right

by Anonymouse on

This whole virginity thing is a myth any way you look at it.

For a woman who has NO experience, sex suddenly becomes the best thing first time around? This Irani Woman on that sex documentary thread was commenting that she was asking her newly minted husband about sex on her wedding night. In such a case what is a good husband to do?! Do you claim to be very experienced or do you say, beats me, I know as much about it as you do?!

This is a no win situation for the man. If he says he is experienced, the virgin bride will say, how insensitive and what a bitch, I don't sleep around! If he says beats me and they proceed as if he doesn't know, he'll be called insensitive again and being selfish and not making me reach "orgasm", whatever that is. If a woman doesn't know, she suddenly becomes an expert on orgasm?!

So virginity becomes a liability for them. From the wedding night on, sex becomes a discussion. How to do it, when to do it, why to even bother and so on.

Men think they want a virgin until they meet one and women want to save themselves until the first man.

Perhaps they should be another class in sex education, right after the virginity class, entitled "Buyer Beware" where students learn, if you save yourself for marriage, you may end up with a bad deal that you can not easily get away from.

For virgin men, well, I don't think they need any training, do they? With them being selfish, insensitive and all! For them it is a one way street, right?!


To Vali

by n.zanincanadai on

Vali: Wether you and I beleive God exists or was born to a virgin is irrelevant. The comment I made in my blog was to illustrate the FACT that taking on virginity from the point of view of religion is like talking to your hand. But if we assume that God DOES exist, then why the heck couldn't he be born to a virgin, he's God he can to whatever he wants.

As for the nice girls. I could be one of them you can you be sure I'm not some 24 year old virgin pretending to be someone else? You could be a 69 yar old fat fart or a 19 year old nerd. What do I know, what do I care?

Get a hold of yourself Tootsie. The world isn't made of nice girls and those who sleep around. There a lot of other types of girls in between. But you probably don't get around enough to know this, or perhaps you get around TOO much. Now, let's assume that I do sleep around and the rest of the chicks on the planet are nicer. Are they stupid too? Do they get changed by a "useless" blog? It's THAT easy to influence them? If so, you better pray I don't blog about lesbianism or you'll be out of heterosexual virgins.

Persian: My dictionary defines virginity as "a person who has never had sexual intercourse." I hate to break the news to you but boys can be virgins too. It's just that it's easier to pretend they're not.

ali reza: It's ok for some men to want virgins, there's always a steady supply of women who want to save themselves for marriage. But from what I hear, some of those ladies get around a lot more than the ones who are in honest relationships. A guy friend once told me he will only marry a virgin because he won't have to work hard, she won't know the difference! Something to think about.

In places where virginity is a non negotiable pre requisite to marriage, most of the men are probably virgins too. Think of little cities in latin America or Iran. When the women can't do it, who are the men going to do it with? Mathematically there aren't enough professionals to go around. And most people never want to touch hookers. So it's fair game. It's a problem only when standards are different for women. Or when people make different choices and are punished for it. Think of our friend here Vali. People like him are the parasites of the earth. They divide humans (women are humans too) into categories based on very superficial and unverifiable things.



To Ali Reza

by Troneg on

I'm an iranian man and didn't care my wife be virgine as I wasn't myself.

Iranian men tel themselves "openminded" as long as it is good for their pleasure. I dont call it "Open Mind" it is "selfish".

At this point I prefer Islamic guys at least they are clear in their choice.

An Iranian MAN 


Stay virgin if you want to marry an Iranian man

by ali reza (not verified) on

Believe it or not,no matter how open minded an Iranian man is,he still wants to be the only one that his wife has been with.

ebi amirhosseini

RE :..... Ebi: I

by ebi amirhosseini on

Yes dear,the year,place & .....

With #3 , can't help you lose your virginity!! 20 years ago,sure!!.Roll one in less than a minute ,light it & ..........your virginity!!

P.S. stay virgin on #3 all your life please!!!

best wishes


persian westender

 Sexual virginity,

by persian westender on

 Sexual virginity, biologically and anatomically can apply to women. I doubt if men had the same anatomical member such as hymen in women, their virginity would be counted as a symbol of their virtue. But this is a good question to ask and this could be the main reason why religious mentality started to set the virginity as a necessity or a social norm for women. Unfortunately, biology provides a good justification – as a god-created thingy always has a reason for the god-obsessed mind (you know, you can not go through this without mentioning religion).

But obviously in 21 century, people’s mind is beyond the territories of their body compositions and the religious interpretation of their functions.




God from virgin mother? give

by vali (not verified) on

God from virgin mother?
give me a break. First of all Jesus was not god. second of all no woman can have a baby without a man going into a woman.
third of all the article useless.
fourth of all if you want to sleep around go ahead, do not ry to change other girls who are nicer.


Natalia: You bet. Ebi: I

by ncnotloggingin (not verified) on

Natalia: You bet.
Ebi: I find it impossible to believe that you remember the first number 1, how cool is that. Cigarettes are something else, each one is like the first one. At least when you don't smoke them anymore. And I have no experience with number #3, I'm still a virgin!

ebi amirhosseini

Dear N.zanincanadai !

by ebi amirhosseini on

Thanks .(Although may not relate to your subject),but as I told you before your writings remind me of : Janis Joplin,so here I am :

I never forget:

1-The first orgasm.

2-The first cigarette.

3-The first joint.

The first two are not the same as the first time.The third one;haven't used for more than 20 years,so I can't comment on it!.

Best Wishes

Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez

I had no idea

by Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez on

Thanks for letting us know about the technical issues.

I really enjoyed your writing. Very well written.

Solh va Doosti



PS Admin has informed me

by n.zanincanadai on

PS Admin has informed me that when I put videos, I won't be able to edit the blogs. I guess it's a technical issue they'll eventually fix. For now, I'm ghahr with him.