Nazy Kaviani

Alternate ending, (humbly, of course ;-)

"All these numbers led her to believe in the significance of this page, which was as….... "

….expected, where the list of names were recorded. She shook the voodoo thoughts from her head and refused to believe in hidden powers of an old manuscript.  She knew there would be a material ending to her and Henry’s story.  She entered the list of names into her decoder program.  

Sonny Mehta! That is what the names spell! Sonny Mehta.   In a satisfied tone she said: “Drive East”.  The drive to New York was in silence.  As they entered Knopf's headquarters they were led upstairs to Sonny Mehta’s office.   Sonny, eager to receive them, took the manuscript and examined it. As he felt the thick back cover of the manuscript he took a small razor from his desk and carefully detached the paper on the inside cover and there in front of their bewildered eyes was a microchip embedded in the thickness of the cover.  “Thank you!”  Said Mehta, you have brought the last novel by the famous writer “F.K. “ before his execution in Iran, to its home. This is an English translation of the novel by his erudite sister. The original has been destroyed.  An Iranian who had smuggled it outside Iran gave Henry the chip at Ferdowsi symposium in Cambridge two weeks ago. We received a note to expect a manuscript, which would contain the chip and here you are!   

“Henry must have known the three of you very well.”

***

What a day it had been, Sanam walked out of Knopf’s offices alone.  In the bustle of the city, she thought tenderly of “F. K.” and her Quiet American colleague, she was so envious of when he was the one chosen to attend the Ferdowsi symposium.   

Coming from you, MPD, a compliment is

ten times more humbling. With storytellers such as yourself, Nazy, Flying Solo, Ari (and I'm sure I'm missing more), MA BAYAD LONG BENDAZIM! Yes, that's 'mosalsal', sorry for the typo. This team work has been fun and the ending only built on all the previous wonderful contributions.

“Khomeini, Pahlavi, CIA, Khoon, Shahadat, England, Naft...

I didn't get the last one, "mposalsal".  Is it supposed to be "mosalsal" [machine gun]?

For the non-Farsi readers, khoon is blood, shahadat is martyrdom, naft is petroleum or crude oil.

I Googled "Hotel Chocolat"?  There is a chocolate TASTING club in Massachusetts, established in 1998, with around 100,000 members.  It looks like Angel of Death is expanding his operation quickly, with some stores opening in the Middle East!

I am sure I have not figured out everything yet, but so far it is amazing. 

Either way, the ending is sheer brilliance.  It took me several readings just to read it, but each time I read it, it gave me more goosebumps, and when I get goosebumps I know I am up to something good.

Thank you Desi for your contributions and this wonderful ending.

... to believe in the significance of this page, which was as

unbeknownst to Sanam’s eyes as the power of charm. An odd mix of adrenalin-induced human survival instinct, divine thrill of a grand discovery, and omniscient control of life and death shook her mind and guts just as the mother earth’s squealing at a ditch of death getting deeper. “Illusion, just an illusion!” Sanam screamed hysterically. Yes, this obsession with ‘three,’ this spark of a desire to find meaning in Henry’s wisdom and death, was just crazy. She was blindfolded, emotionally and mentally, into the taste of death, shared on three dancing tongues. “I’ll take the ‘three’ of us to the ditch,” Sanam thought, if her life was at the mercy of just a petty number. If it was petty though, why did Henry have, on his last day at the office, the picture of his little son’s tricycle with that strange caption on his screen? With this last thought, Sanam’s mind reverberated sounds of ‘three’, and a soft, angelical voice filled the car with ‘SEH’!!! (three!!!). At this, Behrang braked and the world came to a tumultuous stillness. The two men turned and gazed at her as she whispered, “ni khom ein, lavi pah, cia, nookh, tadahahs, silegni, tfan, mosalsal, lala lala, lala lala,” and with that last bit she tasted a bitter taste on the tip of her tongue and felt her obtrusive thoughts weighing on Behrang’s soul, squeezing it drop by drop out of his corpse which at that moment looked like a dark shadow climbing a ladder. Sanam got out of the car as though she was on her way to Hotel Chocolat, leaving behind a suitcase, a dark shadow, and a nothingness of a husband.

Nazy Jaan

I've missed you and your generosity!! I'll post my ending, in humility, and hope alternative endings will follow.

What a intriguing story, wow!!!!

I love it! What a big success! Guys you are marvelous!

I wish I could find a little bit of time to contribute, too.....but am afraid it's going too fast for my little talent :)

Look forward to read the rest of the story....

The good behavior of the people, warms our heart and make us thankful.....  And the bad ones, just make us to recognize and appreciate the good ones!

Comment

Thank you, everyone, for your hardwork and creativity........if there is inconsistency or discrepancy......we can try to fix it......but don't be too hard on yourself.....it is not easy to be perfect.....even the block-buster movies have glaring mistakes! You-tube has many movie mistake videos!

I am just curious how the story will end: peaceful ending? violent ending? anybody murdered or martyred? Will Nasser and Sanam reconcile or split?

I read two tongue twisters from today's entries: impeccable and implacable.....wow! They sound so poetic! ......sound like GRE words, too!

...thinking ahead of what you’re going to do with the money! "

Sanam finally collected herself, threw the travel brochure to the side, and told the two men, “You don’t even need to see the manuscript. I have spent a quarter of my life studying it. I can almost recite the whole book, especially a pivotal page.”

The Esfand Manuscript contained 1998 pages of written text, with 1998 coincidentally being the year the manuscript was discovered. It had repeated the phrase “page of time” 333 times, exactly once every twelve pages. The final clue that focused all her attention to a specific part of the manuscript came when Sanam discovered that the words “Angel of Death” were mentioned 12 times in the manuscript, exactly once every 333 pages; the first time happening on page 333, of course. All these numbers led her to believe in the significance of this page, which was as…

Comment, winding down

What a fabulous surprise to see Desideratum back with us again!

You guys, this has been so exciting and entertaining for me! You guys have all been great sports and good team members, even in the face of disagreements!

Reading what we have so far, I think Esfand's contribution can stand. So, I continue the story after him.

After my entry, Desi can end the story in 280 words.

After Desideratum, I would like to invite all the others who wish to write alternative endings to please do so!

MPD, Desi will oblige. but

she nees to take a break and get a bite after 10 hours of nonstop writing to catch a deadline and come back to this. Will be back soon!

Comment and story re-write,

My story entry on 'Thu Jan 06, 2011 11:39 PM PST' was objected to because it contained an error.  The entry can still be valid with some explanation from a next story part, meaning why the manuscript is not in the suitcase even though in a previous part it said it was, HOWEVER for the sake of continuity and wrapping up the story, I hereby nullify the last sentence of my last entry, so now it reads as follows:

[start of entry]

“You, idiots, want the treasure without having the requisite intelligence or dedication!”

***

[narrator]

National Museum of Antiquities is located in Leiden, Netherlands, where Sanam and Henry researched the Esfand Manuscript for many years.  After Henry mysteriously died, Sanam and Nasser decided to leave NMA unannounced, but not before Nasser stole the manuscript, and shipped it to Sanam’s USA office.  When Sanam opened the package she knew this was the end of her, since before Henry’s death, he had told her that whoever gains the hidden knowledge contained in the manuscript was doomed to death, by yet unknown forces...

Sanam didn't want to bring the manuscript with her to USA, for the fear of being tempted to read through it, but was forced to stick it into her
suitcase when she discovered it in her office...

[end of entry]

Note: I think Desi should write the next segment to include her suggestion about page 333.

Thank you all,

At MPD

Your shrewdly read what I had in mind. As a suggestion, if you can fix the last sentence to the effect that she didn't want to bring it with her to US from the Neth. for the fear of being tempted to read through, but was forced to stick it into her suitcase when she discovered it in the US, it should work. Besides, there is one page in the whole manuscript (p. 333) that contains a call to the angel of death and not the whole text!

Comment, dear fellow writers

I just woke up on my day off, and I see that I have made a big mistake in the storyline, but before reading the rest of the comments I need an hour to figure out whether my mistake is repairable, or it is a big fuck up.  Thank you Mehrban for your implacable objection.

Ok I rescind my entry if there is another objection.

Everything is sacred

Comment

True! Good Semaritan could be a cover but that is not what you present in your entry.  You ask with no reference to the past entries "I want to know who sent you!".  

Comment

I didn't change the manuscript to the travel brochure.  I just took a travel brochure out of Sanam's kisse mari and threw it at Behrang!  The manuscript is still there.

I guess I'm haggling too much about where I was going with it but if others, another objection, want by all mean this will be just another one of my deleted entries!

I'm just saying in a "thriller", which this seems to be, there are twists and you don't know the result until the end.  The good samaritan may be a cover.  No one is who they claim they may be but as I said it's up to y'all.  

Everything is sacred

Comment

Dear Esfand, even the manuscript has been named after you because you loved it so much ;-).  You need to read the previous entries "carefully" Behrang says he is from "Good Samaritans Without Borders".  At this stage of the game to ignore that and make the manuscript into a travel brochure is (in my view) a drastic change.  

My First "objection" is sustained.  

Comment

Behrang told Sanam his side of the story, yes, but what was his side of the story?  That "We" got to her through Nasser's corruption.  Who is "We"?  Is Behran a pawn and just a hitman/delivery boy that can be killed once the manuscript is delivered or is he going to take the manuscript all by himself and thus no "we"?

I'm not trying to prolong the story, just that Sanam may think bribing Behrang may be a better way out, otherwise she'll be killed either by Behrang or the shadowy "We". The quarrells are about Nasser having been bought so easily who may lose his life in the process!

Everything is sacred

Comment

I agree with MPD in that in this late stage in the game we should concentrate on the "de·noue·ment!"  (thanks Yolanda)  

Please try to avoid entries that do not move us closer to the end.  Such as never ending quarrels between the characters.

Comment

According to a previous entry Behrang told Sanam his side of the story.  Esfand's entry ignores that content.  Objection!    

“You, idiots, want the treasure without having the ...

slightest idea what the fuck you’re looking at.  You think this is Ferdowsi’s personal handwriting? 

Sanam took a travel brochure out of her suitcase and shoved it in Behrang’s face pushing and crushing his nose …. Here, look at it, looooook at it, satisfied?  She then throws the book at Behrang’s face which bounced off his head and fell on Nasser’s lap.  Idiot! 

I want to know who sent you!  You thought you’re going to just take the manuscript?  Were you planning to give me something in return or just a bullet?  Badbakht (out of luck) they’d do to you what you’re planning to do to us!  Sanam hits Nasser’s forehead with her left palm when she said us!  So tell me what you know now and you may live.  Don’t be stupid like Nasser (hitting him in the head again) thinking ahead of what you’re going to do with the money!

Everything is sacred

I see that objection and double it!

Here's the earlier comment about the manuscript being in the suit case. 

Everything is sacred

Comment

MPD. In an early entry there is a phrase that says Sanam thought about the Manuscript that was in her suitcase.   As I appreciate your otherwise impeccable input I have to object to the "comment" that Sanam is not in the possession of the manuscript.   

comment

This serialized story is approaching 3800 words........thank you, everyone....wow, National Museum of Antiquities, Leiden does exists!

I read this story at home and also at work.......I am looking forward to the de·noue·ment! 

Comment, dear fellow writers

Dear fellow writers,

Thank for your hard work.  I believe my last story entry explains all the loose ends.  Sanam doesn't have the manuscript in her possession otherwise it would have been taken away from her already, her life and the others are in danger of death, we still don't know what's in the manuscript, what, and for what purpose, the names in the manuscript are, who the counselors are, and so on.  So, let's focus on wrapping the story up without adding any new twists.

“You, idiots, want the treasure without having the...

“You, idiots, want the treasure without having the requisite intelligence or dedication!”

***

National Museum of Antiquities is located in Leiden, Netherlands, where Sanam and Henry researched the Esfand Manuscript for many years.  After Henry mysteriously died, Sanam and Nasser decided to leave NMA unannounced, but not before Nasser stole the manuscript, and shipped it to Sanam’s USA office.  When Sanam opened the package she knew this was the end of her, since before Henry’s death, he had told her that whoever gains the hidden knowledge contained in the manuscript was doomed to death, by yet unknown forces.  Sanam then video-recorded the manuscript for 3 minutes and 33 seconds to prove that she had possession of it, then hid it away in an unknown place, making sure she didn’t carry it in her suitcase and bag, since she knew it would mean death if it was found with her.

Sanam closed her eyes and thought there was just no more to lose

Sanam closed her eyes and thought there was just no more to lose. The game could go either way, and she was in it up to her neck. She then gazed at the two men’s necks and wished her gaze could cut through and put them to sleep like a pair of terminable, conspiratorial dogs. “OK, you will have it but on one condition," she said calmly. “You, you …. Give it to me here and now, with no if or buts …,” Behrang was trying to say when Sanam cut him short “I will hold the manuscript open, but for three minutes and 33 seconds, you dare not move.” “Was I living with a witch?,” Naser wondered, before Sanam slapped him, less out of frustration than with a glimpse of victory. “You, idiots, want the treasure without having the

........... one last time, WHERE IS THE MANUSCRIPT??

"Sanam, you know where the manuscript is so don’t play that game." Behrang said.  You should also know that I am a counsel from Good Samaritans Without Borders.  We received desperate notes from an unknown source months ago, they were sequential clues which lead us to your colleague Henry and the manuscript at the Museum of Antiquities.  “Henry?!” Sanam asked. Poor Henry just killed himself!  

“Well, maybe he was pushed” Behrang said knowingly.    After Henry’s death you were assigned to authenticate the manuscript.  That is when we contacted Nasser. Given his and your recent financial difficulties his price was not high.  Nasser took the Manuscript from your desk when he visited you at your office last week and put it in the old package where you found it.   This is what we know, the rest should be in the manuscript.

Comment

Beautiful story, yet I haven't finished reading. Sorry I was busy yesterday and eventually even today. I'll catch you up later, if I can. Lovely story, a true delight to read. Thanks guys.

The good behavior of the people, warms our heart and make us thankful.....  And the bad ones, just make us to recognize and appreciate the good ones!

The stink of ur feet r killing me, open the window, said Sanam

The stink of your feet are killing me, open the window, said Sanam.

Well I’ve been in these clothes for the past 36 hours and with the blizzard and everything …

Sanam opened the window and took a deep breath, ahhh fresh air … after pulling back into the car and adjusting herself she said; Ok I’m not going to waste my time any longer looks like the problem is from somewhere else, what’s going to happen to the manuscript?  Who is the ultimate buyer? HUH? Shoving the gun back into Nasser …

What difference does it make?

It makes all the difference. I want to know what they’re going to do with a 900 year old manuscript that may not even be the one their looking for.

Well THAT’S the one they want! 

Ok I’m going to ask this one last time, WHERE IS THE MANUSCRIPT??

Everything is sacred