Nazy Kaviani

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One more note for rules. 

I suggest a rule be made that if a finglish word is used the translation would be given in English and the translation(s) would be counted in the word count, and preferably the finglish is written in italics.  Baashé?! (Ok?!) 

Everything is sacred

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I vote for story in English.  Since it is going to be humor I suspect it'd gather more attention in English from more readers.  Perhaps we can do another one in Farsi after it.

Also, one more rule I'd add is to have the writer edit his/her entry otherwise it'd be ignored.  We don't want an entry with bunch of commas and heeeehaaaawww in all languages and no substance! 

Everything is sacred

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I wasn't part of this last story, and wrote just once for the one before. I  would like to echo  MPD's insistence on a fixed number, hopefully below 200, and stopping the part even if in mid sentence. This adds an element of contingency, that makes the entire process more creative and challenging, cheers

P.S. Next one in farsi please.

Comment,

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I agree that a predetermined number of words is a challenge, however this challenge is what I have enjoyed the most about writing for these series. I have banged my head against the well (figuratively) many times before trying to come up with my part of the story, advance the story, be coherent, make sense of what went on before me, and set up the story in way that the next writer could carry on the torch

So, I’d say, I am in favor of a predetermined number of words, now I suggest 175 words, however I am adamantly in favor of sticking with that number of words, so much so that the writing must stop in midsentence. As a matter of fact, I suggest for the next round we must assign someone as the word count police, so no one, and I mean no one, would violate this rule. But I also know that counting words in Farsi is challenge.

In the face of difference of

In the face of difference of preferences about word limit, how about having a min and a max? The variance of 60 might bee a bit too much and may tip off the balance in style, in favor of the stylistic voice of those who choose the max side. But anywhere between say 150-175 or 180 might work. I personally thought the 140 limit posed an interesting challenge to try to find the right words and structure to convey the intended meaning and tone. But it's understandable that not everyone might like the challenge the same.

How about we split the difference?

Between 140 words (which I'd have voted for as well) and 200 words, how about 170 words?  If someone wants to say more it'd be fine up to 200 words. 

Everything is sacred

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Yeah! Satire is great, I like to laugh! O:)

I will read all the installments!

Thank you ALL in advance!

Just take your time.....there is no hurry....I am sure all of you are busy!

I'd say let's try 200 words next time around

I thought 140 words was not enough, so I say let's try 200 words next time.

Yessssssss!

Go for 200 words, please!!

I am too  verraj and 140 is not enough for me :) 

Can we also write in Farsi?

The good behavior of the people, warms our heart and make us thankful.....  And the bad ones, just make us to recognize and appreciate the good ones!

Hi! Nazy

140 was good for me.  It made the story terse.

Dear Word Wizards And All!

While we are still here, let's, as Esfand suggested, talk a little about our next project. How about if we get it on the way in a couple of weeks, and make it a satire this time?

Will you be up for it at the end of January, or should we wait longer?

Also, I would like to know how you all feel about the 140 words limit? Did you feel limited in the way you were developing the story with 140 words? Should we increase it to 200 words?

Please let me know what you think, and any other suggestions you may have which could make the experience smoother and more enjoyable. Thank you in advance!

Yolanda and MPD

Counsel:  Adviser (in business, a counsel is generally a lawyer)

Counselor: generally an adviser 

Council: Romans had a Council, or City Council. Council is a body of governance. 

Counsul:  The members of the Roman Council were called Consuls.  Also diplomats that give us our visas are Consuls.

I used "Counsel" for Behrang because I was comfortable him being a lawyer at the GSWB because such organizations have lawyers as their officers or employees.   

But I think to use counselor as for members of a council (bearded men of the Council of .....) is not the right use of the word.  I am not sure what it should be in that case.  Councillor (?) Maybe just a "council member".

In my interpretation of the verse in the Proverb 11:14 the use of counselor is appropriate because it simply means get advice from many advisers.      

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OMG! I have learned so much here.......so Mossad uses the proverb 11:14 from Old Testament as the motto of its agency!

Thank you, MPD!

Even though, this story is a fiction.........but it is educational and fun!

Comment, Counselor or Councillor

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Counselor: 1- a person who counsels  2- adviser
Councillor: 1- a member of a council.  2- counselor

However in the motto, "Where there is no guidance, a nation falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety" the word 'counselor' is used instead of 'councillor'.  This motto was use for the first time by yours truly in this part of the story:

[“There are no more bullets coming at me.  I’ve been spared, but the two of you will vanish from page of time, no doubt about it.”

Nasser felt there was no hope for him but he had to try to save his wife’s life.  He said: “She doesn’t need to be a collateral damage.  You have me.   Why can’t you let her go?  You said she could take refuge in Israel.  Why is it changed now?”

“Will the two of you stop talking about me as if I am not here,” Sanam said, being annoyed by the conversation.  “I want to know about the hidden cameras at my house.  Was there one installed in my bathroom?  I mean, when in the manuscript it says ‘Where there is no guidance, a nation falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety’, how many fucking counselors were watching me poop?”]

This motto is a biblical proverb passage, also used by Mossad.
//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mossad

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Hi! Mehrban,

      You ask great questions.....you really pay attention to details!

.........councillor can be related to council of bearded men......that is just my guess!

Does counselor mean supervisor, coach, boss, mentor, abettor in the story?

Thanks everyone!

This was a lot of fun.  

Ps. Counselor or Councillor?  That is the question.   

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Hi! Mouse,

     Remember Shahla Jahed? It makes no difference to me if she was a concubine or sigheh (temporary wife).......last night, by using your site, I translated this slogan successfully....I got really excited!

Payandeh Iran va Irani va farhange Irani-------->

Long Live Iran, Iranians, and Iranian culture?

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The site is very cool!

thanks,

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Nazy jaan thanks for this project.  May I suggest the next project to be a comedy or humor in English?  And a rule be made that no paper of any kind (letter, book, manuscript, movie script, love letter, etc. :-) become the focal point of the plot?!  With all the interest from everyone in comedy that should be some project!

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Yolanda just like any language some words have dual meanings.  Like Gay means both happy and homosexual! I think the English word you found for sigheh means that a woman who cohabits with a noble or important man, whereas sigheh in Iran it could be anybody and just means a "legal" one night stand! 

Everything is sacred

The very best ending, indeed!

Thank you all for your kind participation in this project through writing, commenting, and silently reading and following. As Ari said it so well, we had a very happy ending in this story!

I hope to see more people participating during our next projects. I also hope that as our rules become better tested and more robust, it would be easier to know what to do. I would like to say, however, that one of the best parts of this experiment was to participate in or observe the interactions among the group members, none of whom wanted to give up trying, so they all stayed together through the conflict resolution.

Think about it, while people are beating each other over the head, fighting in political blogs, not learning much about how to live and work peacefully next to each other, we are slowly figuring it out in our story-telling blogs!

I am on top of the world!

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Hi! Mouse,

     You cracked me up...you wrote:

Just keep this to yourself we don't want Sargooz to get a hold of the seceret....

I think he is busy with politcal blogs and his barbari bread....he won't be here!

Wow! The site you recomended is very powerful..

//www.behnevis.com/en/index.html

...I tried already....all the words, I input, got the correct translations except one word: shahadat............

I put the following words into behvevis.com....after I got the Farsi word from behnevis.com, I put it into Google translator to get the English meaning:

sepaas----------> Thanks

Sigheh----------> concubine

Marg bar--------> death

naft------------> oil

khoon----------> blood

Azadi-----------> freedom

shahadat-------> testimony

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It was fun!!!!!!! I hope one day someone will invent a converter to translate Finglish into English in one easy step!

Thank you!

Fun project

No matter the fate of  the characters, this story had a happy ending.

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Yolanda you can turn Finglish to English.  You 1) first take Finglish to Behnavis.com or another transliterator to get the Persian version 2) then you copy the Persian transliteration to  3) Persian to English translation and you have the English translation.

Although, the final product may not be what was intended, but at least you get an idea.  Just keep this to yourself we don't want Sargooz to get a hold of the seceret ;-)

I like MPD's ending the best and am struggling to come up with ending of my own. if I can't come up with my own I endorse MPD's ending.

Viva group projects!

Everything is sacred

Comment!

Wow! 3rd ending!

1)Last sentence:

"We have a lot of work ahead of us."

So it leaves room for possible sequel!.....all three characters are alive!

2) The message on page 333 is scary! :O)

"Council of bearded men" reminds me of "Guardian Council" of IRI....

"They (counselors) must control every government hereinafter, in every continent, every country, every locality, every business, and even the stupid thing says in every candy shop.".........it sounds like theocracy in global proportion.....:O)......even the candy shop has to be Islamic......apparently no corrupt Valentine candies are sold!

3) "Two flowers on a Persian carpet" sounds great!.....Persian proverb?........but their feud is deep..... pretty hard to re-kindle the old flame!

4) Thank you, MPD, for the unique ending! :O)

Fabulous story, great team work

I truly enjoyed the suspense of this thrilling story. I also enjoyed all the comments, debates and haggles which were characteristics of a great team work. It was a rare opportunity to read from so many talented writers in one project.

Alternative ending,,,

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All these numbers led her to believe in the significance of this page, which was as expected.  Nothing!

Sanam sarcastically went on to explain, “Page 333 is a jumble of prophecies that predicts the past.  Nothing specific about the future.  Nothing concrete.  'Thou shalt there be floods, plagues, earthquakes, blah, blah, blah…'  When, where, how?  No specific dates, no specific locations, nothing specific.  If you don't do this, that will happen to you.  If you don't obey this commandment, God will do this and that to you.  But the most disturbing entry in page 333 is where it talks about establishment of a council of bearded man, all knowing, all knowledgeable, ominous, most powerful, supreme.  These counselors, page 333 explains, must govern the world.  They must control every government hereinafter, in every continent, every country, every locality, every business, and even the stupid thing says in every candy shop.  The counselors must brainwash, my words not the manuscript's, the counselors must brainwash the masses into believing in what will never been proven, as has been throughout history.  The masses must blindly follow the bearded men, or ‘thou shalt be put to death’.  As was done to the ones 'named'.  As Henry was put to death.”

Sanam, collected herself again.  She lowered her gun and spoke to her husband first.  “I thought you loved me.  I thought you and I were two flowers on a Persian Carpet.  Why did you betray our love?  Wait!  I don’t need an explanation.  I just want to get off this filthy car.  Behrang, here is the gun.  You can shoot me if you want, or let me go.”

Behrang took a quick look at Sanam and said, “What’s the use of taking an empty gun.  We needed to know if you were trustable.  We have a lot of work ahead of us.

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Hi! MPD,

      I read Desi's version last night......the Finglish words were my hurdles.........I also got confused by three phrases: illusion, looked like and as though from the ending entry......so I was not sure the death is real or in metaphorical sense.......there is a difference between someone is dead and someone "looks like" a dead person....... (looks like meaning the person is actually alive.....just 'looks' dead)

Thank you for your input and your contribution to this joint project!

I enjoyed reading the last joint project also!

Nothingness of a husband

Now that's an ending,  it keeps reminding me of S.R.

Comment,

I believe in Desi's ending, Behrang is dead.  Sanam was possessed by Angel of Death through the bitter taste in her mouth, and then "her obtrusive thoughts weighing on Behrang’s soul, squeezing it drop by drop out of his corpse which at that moment looked like a dark shadow climbing a ladder," to me means that he died.  In case of Nasser, I am not 100% sure either.  I would say I am 99% sure he is dead.  Sanam "leaving behind... a nothingness of a husband," means to me that he died also.

In case of Mehrban's ending, I believe both of them are alive.

However, in the sequal both of them are alive.  I am sure of it.

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Thank you, everyone......I read the 2 endings multiple times......but I am not 100% sure if the 2 guys are dead or alive....if they are dead, how did Sanam obliterate 2 guys? if the 2 guys are alive, is there a potential sequel?

Thank you, MPD, for the translation of the Finglish words......I checked on-line, there are Finglish to Farsi translators/converters, but there is no Finglish to English translator......

Thank you for your kindness!

What a wonderful story

Thanks to all of the writers.

I so much wanted to be part of the writing school for this story, I tried my best to write at least the ending part, today. But honestly, as much as I tried it, the only thing I could do was to bow to your excellent writing skills. What could I write after desi and Mehrban's excellent ending parts. They are both, so beautiful. I just want to read the story for many times and stay amazed by its powerful force. Great suspense ! 

The good behavior of the people, warms our heart and make us thankful.....  And the bad ones, just make us to recognize and appreciate the good ones!