Niki Tehranchi

I've been watching Bravo TV's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reality show and I am appalled, outraged, and incensed at the injustice! No, I am not talking about when Kim refused to stand up for Kyle when she was accused by Taylor of calling Camille "insecure" (egads!) which I guess in Beverly Hills is the equivalent of running over a small puppy and then backing up over the frail little whimpering body.  I am talking about the fact that there is no Persian housewife.  I mean, COME ON!  Beverly Hills right? If you are going to film a show about rich, Botoxed, middle-age Hausfraus draped in Gucci from head to toe, you are not going to include Parivash and Mahvash?  What the?...

No, instead Bravo decided to go with not one, but count them, TWO aunts of Paris Hilton, the former "child stars" Kyle and Kim Richards.  And also Camille "crazy bulging eyes" Grammer, ex-wife of actor Kelsey Grammer, who by the way doesn't even live in Beverly Hills for Pete's sake but in Malibu! I guess Bravo figured they filled up the Middle-East quotient when they booked Adrienne Maloof, she of the Maloof Casino and NBA empire but newsflash, although she could pass for Persian, she is actually from Lebanese descent. 

This Housewives franchise is sadly lacking in its Persian quotient.  I mean, it's like going to Iceland and forgetting to film Bjork.  So here is my pitch to Bravo to include some Persian Housewives to the cast before it's too late.  Since reality shows these days are scripted, I have already saved the writers the trouble of coming up with the characters, they just have to find the warm bodies to fill in:

Mahnaz aka Miranda: This Beverly Hills Persian Princess lives in a Palatial mansion decorated inside and out in Rococo style ranging from simple solid gold bidets to the grand table volante dining room table that rises from the floor when it's dinnertime.  Mahnaz likes to lunch with the ladies, shop at Neiman, exercise with her personal trainer and gaze adoringly at her children and their nanny on her way out to dinner with the husband.  On the other nights, she likes to organize simple, chic, intimate dinners for her exclusive circle of 38 or so friends.

Shahnaz aka Shawna:  Shahnaz lives acrosse the street from Mahnaz in a smaller, less ornate mansion. She is married to a realtor who moonlights as a Persian popstar and thinks the sun rises and sets with the soap operatice going-ons of her circle of "celebrity friends."  Her favorite past time is to look down her nose at her neighbor because she only immigrated to the United States in 1984 whereas Shahnaz had already been here since 1983.  Shahnaz is addicted to plastic surgery and talking behind her daughter-in-law's back.

Golnaz aka Gwyneth: Golnaz likes to spend her husband's money like it's going out of style.  You know those simple white $2.00 cotton T-shirts that are  sold at $200 a pop because they have a humongous emblem of a designer brand on them (usually applied there with a bedazzler)?  Golnaz is the one who collects them.  She is in fact addicted to designer brands and would probably buy doggie poop bags if only they were emblazoned with the Chanel logo. 

Farahnaz aka Faye:  Farahnaz just barely made it in to the 90210 zip code but she is living on the fringe and knows it.  Because she can't afford to keep up with the Jones, she spends her day writing cherto-pert blogs on iranian.com.

Whaddy'all think?  Would you watch that show? :-)