"The care of human life and happiness

I'm so excited!

Within minutes of reading your post, my husband and I were remembering all the little "noktehs" that made our courting days so special and what I believe enriches our relationship.  Not without some drama of course, as with all marriages, it IS the cultural experiences that we both cherish and want to share that makes our union the sum of two halves.  And I guess that pretty much says it all... he completes me.

:-)

Dear Azarin:

Thank you very much for your reply to my question.

I am grateful for your kind and candid description of your relationship with the site.  I think most of us relate to Iranian.com in the same way, whether we like to read political posts or not.  We come here to meet other people, to learn about the news, to laugh a little, to cry a little, and to go back to the lives we are struggling to manage in diaspora.  Of course the point I was trying to raise does not really apply to you, who are already an active contributor to the site. 

I think too many people are yelling at the site publisher to come up with rules about this and that, demanding better moderation, demanding less moderation, demanding restrictions, and demanding freedoms.  Regardless of what he thinks and what he does with those demands, I believe as thinking and caring members of the community, we should each assume some level of responsibility for addressing some shortcomings and for correcting them.

Writing more for the site, seeing comments in their important but limited light, and making an effort to support and encourage new contributors to the site are things we can do.  If I may make a suggestion Dear Azarin, and this is only if you don't already do this, I think the more experienced writers on the site do have a responsibility to pay visits to new writers' features and blogs and encouraging them.  You must know better than most that self-expression does not come very naturally to most Iranians, not because of anything genetic (!), but because most Iranians have never been trained on the skills necessary for self expression, namely analytical and writing skills.  When people gather their courage and rise to the surface to say something, I think as a community we should all take the responsibility to acknowledge and welcome them.

Thank you again for your kind and honest words.

Dear American Wife:

Thank YOU for coming back and for talking to me.

I am very serious about the contributions you can make to this community.  As you can see, others feel the same way.  I know it might be hard to get started.  I know this is bold and presumptuous of me, but if you really mean it when you say you don't know how to get started, may I suggest that you start writing a series of blogs, calling them, for example, The American Corner or something like that, writing about your life being married to an Iranian?  You can write about your trials and tribulations with Persian food, Iranian customs, integrating Iranian customs with American customs, and your pains and joys with your extended Iranian family.  Certainly, as you get really savvy with this, you can find your own topics or occasions to write about and all of these silly tips of mine will become just that, silly tips!  The "meeting points" of the two cultures could be hillarious junctions if you ask me!  For example, my American friends had sent me the recipe for "the perfect turkey stuffing" this Thanksgiving.  She said her Iranian husband had had such a hard time with her regular American stuffing, calling it dry and bimazzeh every year.  Until one time when she was having "Zereshk Polo" for lunch, she sat there watching him devour the food, so she got an idea--she put some sweet fried zereshk into her stuffing that year and that was the beginning of the end of her husband's complaints about the stuffing.  Her recipe now is rice-based (instead of bread-based), complete with walnuts, zereshk, apples, and raisins, flavored with saffron, cinnamon, and other Persian spices! East met West, finally!  Anyhow, you can get a sense from this little story that there can be so much humor and love in the simplest of things which someone with your experiences can write about.  Start sweet and short and go from there.  In no time at all you will be one of the most popular bloggers, I am sure.  Please do it!  Please do it!

Dear Miny:

Thank you for your kind comment.  My name, Paymaneh, means a wine chalice or a wine glass.  Thank you also for your interest in Iranians.  We are a quirky bunch, but with more love and passion than anyone else!

I am glad you are finding what you come to find on Iranian.com.  It is a beautiful mosaic of many different people and many different styles and interests.  Please stick around, as I certainly feel the more the merrier!  Enjoy surfing!

My response!

Dear Paymaneh,

I find your question very intriguing…I would die to know the motive behind each of us (Iranian.com community members) to come here on a daily basis almost like a drug addict!!  

Voila my response:

It is almost two years that I have discovered Iranian.com and I have ended up developing a kind of serious addiction to the site! But unlike you, I am not political at all. Of course I read sometimes some of the political articles, but my main interest is literature. So my priority number one is reading stories and poems. Plus, I love Iranian of the day and Anyway section. We all need to laugh, especially me (I’m sure if you had read the kind of stories I keep writing you would have understood what I mean!!)

I have also been closely involved with one of the cases handled by SCE (Ali Mahin Torabi’s execution was cancelled because of their hard work)…and SCE and Iranian.com were the first media on internet that actually talked about his case. And it took only a few months for the international community to notice his case (AI and EU sent a message to Iranian government because of the public attention to his case). JJ featured his blogs 9and all my blogs about him) and posted his pictures several times as the Iranian of the Day…So in this sense Iranian.com has been positively active in the area of human rights for Iran.

Of course we always have the option of fighting with each other, to reduce each other to “nothings”…but I usually avoid this type of dialogue.

After spending so many hours reading some of the IC’s contributor’s work (that I call my cyber-friends), I think I have ended up having a great understanding about Iran and Iranians in Diaspora. The best of all, I have also found a deeper understanding of the people who don’t think like me, so I can put myself in their shoes. It makes me a better person; someone with empathy.  

Plus, being a member of this community gives me a sense of belonging, as we all had to leave Iran in some tragic way. Most of us, if we go back to Iran, we wouldn’t have a home anymore. We wouldn’t be able to talk freely. We will feel mostly like foreigners…So IC has become this place where I feel I’m not alone and I can freely express my own feelings and share the joy, the silliness, the laughter and the sorrow of my compatriots in Diaspora. People like me.

In one word, Iranian.com is the place where I can communicate with other Iranians, and I think it is something that most of us have missed so badly since we left our home for good.

Thanks again, Azarin

Paymaneh

Thank you for responding to my comment.  I see this particular blog as being one of the most interesting and possibly productive ones to participate in.  I've had the great pleasure of actually meeting several of the regular bloggers on iranian.com.  I can't possibly express my respect enough for these and many other people, registered AND unregistered.  I've only been reading and posting for a year or so and for the most part, my own contributions have been minimal.  I've learned so much from this site.  Maybe that would be the gist of my own blog if I should post something.  To be honest, I'm a little wary of exposing myself...lol.  It's easy to slip in and out commenting on different issues.  It's altogether something else to be front and center.  But maybe that's exactly what you're saying.  Instead of being a bystander, step up to the plate and get involved!  My husband has said the same thing several times... to post on my own experiences.  I guess I'm just a little unsure of what interest or response my experiences might have. And maybe a little intimidated as well...:-).  But you've given me some encouragement to do so and I think I'll work on something.

Mamnoonam!

Hey Paymaneh...i liked your question

Its a great site...i am not an iranian...and then i fell in love with iran...why?....hmmmm...persian language, architecture, beautiful people...more important the mystic appeal...

hmmm for a sec..lets look at your name...Paymaneh its so beautiful and then Amiri its like an icing on it...and then all Shahins and Shirins and Jahannasheens and Jahanshahs and Shah-e-jahans...it all is so enchanting....and royal..

and then i wanted to know the iranian psychology too....ideals...values.....

there are enough resources to depict them on web but if one sets to know them this one is almost a perfect site...coz people pour out their hearts here on a number of issues that concerns them...as an outsider it gives me an opportunity to learn about iranians....and then to be honest i find site ra entertaining also....there is almost every flavour in here...i dont come here for political issues i guess but for people...of which there are plenty...i guess its like a family...all the bloggers the way they treat each other...i like it...

i know for sure you were not expecting this kind of answer but this is my answer to your question..

its a composite and complete site!

Dear Irandokht:

Thank you for your reply.

Let's be clear here--most of us are here for the dialogue!  You say writing a blog takes a lot of responsibility.  So should writing a comment my friend!  The problem lies in the misconception that receiving comments means “reception,” as you put it, that receiving comments is a good thing.  That is a wrong value for the site.  With your definition, take any “well-received” thread and look through those comments.  Eliminate the silly ones, eliminate the hateful ones, and look carefully at the substantive ones—for the sake of argument, let’s assume that we are in agreement on standards for what’s silly and hateful and substantive.  Those users who left those substantive comments can also write for the site.  Why bury their substance in the middle of all the silliness and hate?

I don’t look down at comments.  Look here, comments are what keeps this dialogue rolling and all of us learn during a dialogue.  This is a subject I feel passionate about, so I come back and answer every single comment.  Usually, I read and appreciate the very few comments that I do get, but if I have nothing important to say, I don’t go after adding comments to my entries, hoping to prove the goodness or importance of my blog.  Some other writers may not feel this way.

I think the problem with comments lies elsewhere on the site and its developing community culture.  Iranian.com rewards this silly commenting business, that’s why the community culture is not elevated.  The list of “Most Discussed” features is a way to bring additional attention to the “discussions” on a post.  When most of those comments are either hateful or taarof, where’s the discussion?  And when people leave comments on a thread, they go back to see what replies they received on their comments, and this increases the number of hits on a piece, promoting it further into the “Most Viewed” list, too.  This, unfortunately, promotes and sustains the culture of idle talk and silly babbling which has been ailing discussion threads on the site.

There is also the culture of groups sticking together and “livening up” each other’s posts through giving it some “haal” through a comment, without regard for the content of that comment, so you see sworn site brothers and sisters on the site, showing up and leaving comments which are not substantive, but just another count in the comments.

I think you are experienced enough to know all of this.  JJ also knows of the consequences of the comment counting business.  He recently wrote about users who write comments to themselves on their contributions.  That problem is a direct result of the bad culture of commenting-for-the-heck-of-it which has been growing on the site.

Paymaneh jan

Of course I took your blog seriously! It's about a serious issue and it's a wake up call to all of us to get more engaged and more involved with discussing what's ailing our country. These are serious issues to me too.

I had also thought about the possible role that iranian.com could have in the way iranians communicate and unite and I've heard a few people complaints about the copy/pasted and redundant material being featured too. 

I can't speak for everyone who is commenting on this website, but I can speak of my own personal reasons for not contributing new blogs more frequently.

Being a writer comes with a responsibility. First you have to be creative and knowledgable about the subject, you have to research your material and you have to be prepared to defend it once the opposing comments start.

Writing an original blog to me is a big deal. I don't approve of the rantings I see in the blog section followed by insulting anyone who did not agree with the subject matter. I'd rather those people took the time to prepare for their blogs, research what they're saying and react to criticism in a more contructive way. Maybe during that time, if they are online and visiting the website, they'd find it less time consuming to leave comments on subjects that interest them.

So to me, the originality of the blogs does not trump quality. Sometimes a simple copy/paste that is done in better taste, is more informative and it is received much better by the other members.

I have heard plenty of people say that they read articles and enjoy them but so not leave a comment. The same people always criticize the ones who leave comments on everything they read.

When these folks (This is not about you, I assure you) write a blog and receive 30-40-50 comments, they tell me that they were touched by the people's participation, they read the comments and were flattered for the feedback. 

Since you also said that you don't normally leave comments for others, would you please tell me why you think that the feedback given by these certain people should be looked down on? Why is it not an accepted behavior to leave feedback for the articles you read? Why do people who prefer not to leave comments, speak of this action so proudly? 

If I were a writer, I would appreciate any and all feedbacks, and I would also return the courtesy to other writers.

As for this website being political or not, I think we're both saying the same thing, but I see the political aspect of this site as one of many interests amongst iranians and not necessarily the nature of this site or the intention of its owner.

Thanks for your replies I am learning a lot.

IRANdokht

Dear Irandokht:

Thank you for your kind and thorough reply.  I guess we can agree to disagree on the political-ness of this site.  In my opinion Iranian.com is a political website, even if other material is published here.  Most of the humor and arts contributed to the site are arts and humor of protest and are political in nature.  The reason lies in the very fabric of the Iranian community in diaspora.  It is a political community, whether they talk about politics or not, because most of us have been displaced due to political reasons.

You make it sound as though I am an obstinate killjoy!  I have nothing against fun.  I enjoy the arts and humor, too.  If the humorous posts are original, I read them and enjoy them very much even if I don’t take the time to write a comment.  I am against seeing copied and pasted documents which show up as featured blog entries on the first page of the site.  I protest the use of recycled and old material, specially when it is featured on the first page.  I think when recycled material is featured on the front page, real and responsible contributors are discounted and disrespected somehow. 

That brings me to another thing you brought up.  Stop Child Executions is a worthwhile organization with its own website.   All the SCE posts which show up on Iranian.com are copied and pasted here from that website, sadly without reference to the SCE site itself.   SCE never presents anything new or different for Iranian.com audiences.  As such, SCE posts should be posted as News and Opinion items and not blog entries.   

You say Iranian.com is like a party.  Very well.  Going to a party is an occasional activity though, isn’t it?  We don’t go to parties 24/7, do we?  When I see some regular users show up everyday and engage in a festive, party mood all the time, I wonder where these people’s real priorities are.  When I see a user leave a comment on ten different threads on a given day, I wonder if that user has so much time to read all those blogs and features and watch all those videos AND write comments on every single one of them, why can’t he or she also write something worthwhile and useful on the site?  Something that doesn’t get buried under a ton of other comments?   That’s what I mean when I talk about community responsibility.  Perhaps if awareness is raised, a middle of the road approach could be that those who do have the time and dedication to truly engage on the site would occasionally also write an original piece for the site.

Thank you again for taking this post seriously.

Dear Xivaro1

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.  I think the owner of this site has been a lot more transparent about his life and his doings than any other Iranian I have ever known outside Iran!  From his lineage to his life and pictures of his underwear and detailed descriptions of his dreams, some days I think there is nothing left to our imaginations about this man!  Nonetheless, I do understand the reluctance you described as a common thinking.  The problem with being an unregistered commentator is that that's how far that person's contribution can go--commenting only.  I think so many of the goldfish users have worthwhile contributions to make, it's a shame they don't register and write for the site. 

Dear Javaneh

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and sentiments.  You are, indeed, a very interesting member of this community.  I enjoy reading your contributions very much.

I don't agree that blogs about violations of human rights in Iran are "ignored."  There is, unfortunately, a common thinking on this site which assumes receiving comments is equal to receiving attention or being read.  Many people read those blogs, but don't leave comments, mostly because they don't know what to say.  Those who write about the situation of human rights in Iran should keep on trying even if they don't get any comments.  I think the Stop Child Executions blogs don't get too many comments because SCE is itself a viable organization with its own website and those who are passionate about this cause usually go and visit that website directly.

Thank you again for replying.  I consider these discussions important in elevating awareness and encouraging responsible engagement on the site.

Dear Paymaneh

Yes! I do believe that this website is not a political one. It reflects the taste and the preferences of the iranian community, but since it's filtered in Iran, it's safe to limit that to the iranian community abroad.

It's like going to an Iranian party: you'll find a few exchanging persian recipes, there will be someone playing persian music, someone might tell a joke, some might reminisce about the old Iran and yes there'll be a few boring people sitting in a corner of the room discussing politics (that's where you would usually find me). 

Since this party is a lot larger and a lot more open to all people interested, you are right in suggesting that we should use the opportunity and try to find a solution for what's wrong in Iran. I absolutely agree that we have the tools here to bring up the human rights violations, the political prisoners, the arrest of the journalists and activists, the government corruption and all the important news we can find. A lot of us are actually doing that! As Javaneh mentioned, you don't see many responses to the SCE Campaign blogs, or if you do, at least 20% of them are negative! That shows how big a spectrum of ideas we have here. We have Iranians  fighting for human rights and we also have iranians who are defending the actions of IRI.

There are a number of groups on this site, for example: some are more interested in Art and literature discussions, some more apt to rehash the same political issues, some interested in music, some more into humor and some bring up social situations, questions and subjects for discussion.

The material is here, the blogs are written too. We are not all political, we're not all activists and we have people with a wide range of views frequenting this website.

If you are more inclined to speak up for the opposition groups, there will be people reading your blogs, some may not! SCE campaign can bring up the child execution news, some will read and some won't, you can bring up Iran's news etc...

That's the beauty of this website, it's not dry, it's not a place to feel guilty all the time, the atmosphere is diverse and that makes it fun to hang out for a lot of iranians of different ages and political views.

I think the material on this site gets renewed very quickly and sometimes it's even hard to catch up with all the new posts/news/features/blogs... so what's wrong with having a lengthy discussion on the same blog about an interesting article or political view? why should I start writing a new one? what's the advantage in having more new blogs?  

IRANdokht

Dear Paymaneh: You couldn't

Dear Paymaneh: You couldn't be more right. Unfortunately, many people don't trust the owner of the site because of his background. I myself being one of them.

Please continue encouraging people like American wife to write about their experiences.

IC is a community

When I first joined this site nearly 2 years ago, I thought what a great place for Iranians and ppl like me, to have a voice about issues pertaining to Iran be they political, cultural  or personal. And I still think that. IC does provide that platform and I dont think there is anywhere else on the web that comes close. If there is, I havent come across it.

However what I have noticed is that articles and blogs about some of the hienious crimes that continue in Iran today,, like those about children awaiting execution are largely ignored, i.e they dont generate much discussion and the majority of blogs and articles are political, be they about Iran or the US. There is a fair amount about news from Iran, culture and more personal blogs also. In other words there is a good mix.

It would be great to think the IC could be a place to unite Iranians as a means to some practical application but I honestly think we are pretty powerless from outside Iran. I think that its a ideal place to raise awareness though.

I use the site in a number of ways. I like to keep up with whats happening, so its a learning forum. I, like american wife jaan am married to an Iranian too. In my case I lived in Iran and have a deep and lasting personal interest in keeping up to date with all things to do with Iran, For me too, its a community where my particular background is accepted. And finally, I have made some lovely contacts with other users here.

The only negative things about IC  is the fact that unregistered users can comment on blogs and articles and use it as a forum to vent their anger or whatever. Ohhh and the bickering.. although that has somewhat declined in recent months.

Thank you for provoking us to think about why we are here.

Javaneh

Dear Alborz

Thank you for your thoughtful remarks. Certainly, we are fortunate to have access to a medium that receives and tolerates the wide rainbow of thoughts and choices that comprise the Iranian community's identity these days.

If this site is a small representation of all of us, we should take our presence on it a little more seriously. Nobody can and will fix anything for Iran. Iranians will have to do it themselves. If this is a small opportunity for us to get together and say what's on our minds, we will have to use it to its fullest potential and to the best of our abilities. My point is that we aren't doing that, not yet. We should wake up and take responsibility. Instead of whispering our thoughts in a corner, or worse, rushing to beat others who think differently over the head, we should concentrate on developing and fine tuning our own voices and arguements, presenting them in a more organized and responsible way.  Part of that responsible approach includes talking about our methods of communication.

Thank you again for your input.

I agree ...

... to a great extent with you about the importance of how this medium is used.

I also think that the nature of the entries is representative of our community.  There will always be more visitors than commentators, as there will be more commentators than bloggers that make original submissions.  Even amongst this last group there will be even a smaller group with the same concerns, motivations and impetus to write about substantive matters of relevance to the future of our community outside of Iran, not to mention that of Iranians living in Iran.

I also welcome remdiners such as yours with tempered expectations and hope.  JJ has indeed created a means for us all to participate in a medium with a potential for being a civilizing influence.

The discourse on this site has always been a good measure of the evolution of at least a segment of our community.

Thanks,

 Alborz

Dear American Wife

Thank you for your honest reply. 

Of course this medium is a home away from home to Iranians and those who care about Iranians.  As I explained to Irandokht, we should not allow ourselves to only be consumers of the site.  We also have to take responsibility for generating responsible content on it. 

Since I have known your style and sentiments, this is a good place to ask you a question.  As an active member of this community, why don't you write blogs about your experiences as an American wife to an Iranian?  Why don't you share your wealth of experiences and memories which pop up in your comments?  Do you know how many American men and women either are married to Iranians or are contemplating a marriage?  Do you know how many of them are riddled with questions and concerns about the cultural differences and how they might affect their lives?  They seek information and insight which you hold.  When you only comment on other people's blogs and articles, your insight is lost to a large community of people who are interested in your knowledge.  Why not spend some energy writing your thoughts and ideas in a more formal format?  You most certainly have the heart and positive experiences which would make anything you write worth reading and passing on.  I will read your thoughts, to be sure.

Dear Irandokht:

Do you really think Iranian.com is not a political website? I find that hard to believe coming from you. It is very political, almost too political!  But the same users keep writing similar articles over and over again, and new voices are hardly ever heard anymore. 

I think while everyone beats the site publisher for his lack of clear guidelines on things, very few take their own responsibilities seriously. One of the ways people don't take their responsibilities seriously is that they won't register with the site. What is that all about? So they have the freedom of attacking others without consequences? We could be registered AND anonymous on this site. Why not take minimum responsibility for what we say?

I have no qualms about reading what people are writing about nostalgia, the arts, and humor. But when users stick together and spend their hours and computer clicks commenting on silly material which has been cut and pasted from other sources, you wonder where these people's priorities are. Why aren't these people writing articles which could be helpful to others, why aren't they using this medium to generate responsible content? Should Martians come down and write about issues pertaining to Iran and Iranians?  Worse than Martians, shouldn't we be worried that non-Iranian warmongers are writing about Iran and Iranians?  You must have been following the resultant demonization of Iranians in the press when that happens. 

The consistent and continuous violations of human rights in Iran are not issues that can or should be forgotten by Iranians who no longer live in Iran. If someone has the energy and interest in writing a long comment inside an article, he or she has what it takes to write his or her own article about a subject. That article can be about anything, so long as it provokes thought. That was my point.

personally,

if indeed that is what you're asking, I come to iranian.com for knowledge and sharing.  My husband is Iranian and enjoys IC for the companionship with his hamvatans.  IRANdokht is right (as usual...:-).  This forum is a mixed bag.  It's the closest thing to being in their motherland.  After a couple of years of having IC in his life, I can't imagine what he would do without it.  I enjoy it because it's an interesting place to learn more about the culture and people of Iran and to share and discuss political views.  

Thanks for the info

It's very unfortunate that the regime is looking down on art and artists just as any free thinking and individualism. These photos were not even against islam or the government... at least the 8 out of the 14 that we saw had nothing to do with politics or religion.

I am not sure what is expected of us to do on iranian.com that would actually help Iranians? As I see it, there are people who speak up for human rights victims in Iran, there are people who try to bring up the news from Iran (like you did here), there are blogs about unity, there are comments about the changes in Iran that some of us have not been able to experience in person etc... Iranian.com is not a political website, so if you find something that is not political or does not help iranians in any way, or is purely entertainment, then don't be surprised. There are plenty of strictly political websites out there who do not help iranians either.

If you have any suggestion it'd be nice to hear them.

IRANdokht