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A profile of people who write for Iranian.com
21-Feb-2008
As a frequent visitor to Iranian, I have developed a meaningful perspective on the type of people who come here. I have learned this by reading the comments left under the articles. Some of the comments are irrelevant. But a substantial set of these comments are very very valuable.
This category of comments is usually left by some of the most important Iranians alive. This is why they have decided to deny the enemy the chance to assassinate them and choose instead to go with the all-deceptive "chicken" avatar most of the time.
For the sake of Iran-zamin, I thank all of them for preserving thmselves and their unique educational perspectives so that future generations of Iranians can benefit from their wisdom! I never get tired of hearing them evaluate those of us not fortunate enough to have ESP and superior sense of justice, or those who are weak in the ability to tell good from bad.
More than myself, I am truly thankful for Iranians living in Iran who are spared the complex task of deciding their own future for themselves. Just like the olden days of the Persian Empire where the good people of the higher fortunes relieved the poor "dahati's" of their public decision burdens, these brave Iranians are the best fit to sense and decide on the future of Iran from here. After all, the smart people in Iran have all escaped, and they frequently inform the rest of us of this terrible exodus. Thus, it is only natural that what is best for the country should be decided by the best and brightest of all Iranians wherever they may reside. Fortunately for me, one of those locations is here in Southern California. That's why I have first hand knowledge of these brave souls even though I am not one of them.
So without further delay, let me reveal to you the profiles of Iranian.com writers who grace this site and honor it with their comments.
Profiles of Iranian.com visitors:
- Islamists: Islamists have a disease. This puts them under the mistaken impression that Islam is a legitimate religion. This disease is hereditary, sexually transmitted through Arab genes which the Islamists' ancestors received through force by the invading Arab armies. Identifying Islamists is simple: Anyone who mentions anything positive about Islam is an Islamist. Every Islamist by definition is an IRI agent because the first "I" in "IRI" stands for "Islam". Therefore every Islamist is also a terrorist. Because their condition is genetic, they can't be reformed. The best thing we can do is to make sure they are either killed or jaild by Western authorities so that they can't hurt anyone or reproduce. Short of that, the truly brave ones among us just expose them through comments.
- Peace Activists: These are lefty liberal naive (useful) idiots. They are so stupid that think the weak have actual "rights" and the strong should not use violence even though they clearly can! Peace activists are for sure IRI agents because IRI is weak and America is strong. Peace Activists refuse to accept the decision made by Iranian exile leaders that Iranians living in Iran should be sacrificed for the greater good. Iranians inside Iran are not very smart (if they were, they would be living in Hollywood), and they could be part of IRI (we don't know, but we can't take a chance). Therefore, their life is not very valuable to us and to the future of Iran. It has been decided that they should serve Iran in this way, as to pave the way for real Iranians to come back and establish the new Persian Empire. Stupid Peace Activists just don't understand this. How to recognize a peace activists? They say they support human rights, but refuse to drop bombs for it! We must expose peace activists so that everyone else can laugh at how weak they are. Examples are: Daniel P, Soraya Ulrich, CASMII, NIAC, Trita Parsi, Hooshang Amirahmadi.
- Reformers: Reformers are brainwashed former Islamists who are so stupid, they think gradual and peaceful reform is possible without bloodshed. They usually fail to convince any real Iranian because real Iranians know that only death to all the Ayatollahs, Clerics, Basijis, Pasdars, Hezbollahis, IRI jailers, administrators, police, firemen, TV reporters, sanitary workers, mortuaries and any other muslims; in addition the banishment for all Mojaheds, Tudei, Communists, Socialists, Anarchists, Statists, Leftists, Democrats and Jebhe-Mellis can solve the problem in Iran.
Reformers are dangerous because sometimes things get better in Iran and gradual change seems possible. But we know this is not acceptable, even if all the change that we want occurrs, it is still unacceptable because real, smart and sophisticated Iranians living in exile will not be the rulers. All reformers are IRI agents. Reformers do not believe in democracy because they encourage voting in elections. Examples: Hoder, Jahanshah Javid, Akbar Ganji, Ahmad Sadri, and Shirin Ebadi.
- Leftists, communists, socialists: They are just like reformists or peace activists. If they are Iranian, they are IRI agents. It's that simple.
If they are not, they have been paid off by either Khamenei or Fidel Castro. Their ideology has failed (thanks to Reagan) therefore, the only reason they are alive is because they get Iran's oil money. We need not listen to their ideas about Iran or democracy. They are leftists and therefore irrelevant.
- Mojaheds: Mojaheds are a bunch of radical cultists who wear the hejab. These fanatics have killed many innocent Iranians and Americans under the Shah. They have also brainwashed and abused teenagers and made them soldiers for their army. They are internationally recognized terrorists.
But since they hate Mullah's so much, they are OK and we like them. Some of our friends in US and UK governments help them also. We will need them to do some dirty work so therefore we will not say anything bad about them for now. After they serve our purpose, we can kill them too.
- Iranians on Probation: Every Iranian who is not on any of the above categories is on probation. Most writers who are not political on Iranian.com are in this category. All poets are in this category.
We must always make sure they do not belong to any of the above categories before we can consider them human. The number one priority for any new person we encounter is to find out who they are. Either they are on our side or else they are terrorists. The context doesn't matter. Therefore, we must heckle, harrass, redicule, talk about their wives and mothers and ask so many personal questions such that they confess to which category of IRI agents they belong to.
For example if they say something bad about Reza Pahlavi they are terrorists. If they say anything good, even by accident, about any Iranian public official this also means they are terrorists. We must remember: No one can take pride in Iran or anything Iranian under current conditions because this empowers terrorists. Any hint of pride means that the person is an IRI agent and we were right to harrass them about it. The vinication will be worth the work!
- Good Iranians: We are the good Iranians. We care about Iran so much that we take up our burden to cleanse our Persian race from arabs and arab-zadehs. We have moved outside of Iran because Iran is no longer civilized for us, but we continue our work here laying the ground work for our triumphant return.
Do not think just because we don't do anything, that we are not helping Iran. We are doing the most important work for the future of our country: identifying IRI agents, potential agents and pre-agents in America. That is our service to Iran.
For the future, we have various plans for Iran, all of which include killing all the Iranians who cooperated with the arab occupation of our land. It's easy to tell us apart. We are far too valuable to show our face or real information, therefore we bravely hide ourselves so that we may serve Iran better. I'm sure that is what most Iranians demand of us.
One easy way to tell us apart is to pay attention when someone is being accused of being an IRI agent, lackey, enabler, supporter, sympathizer, defender, friend or terrorist. Sometimes the accused is also a suspected muslim or peacenick. Anyway, the person doing the accusing is always a good Iranian. Proof is almost never necessary, real Iranians can tell agents just by looking at them or reading their biographies. We should always trust our superior Persian instincts. Examples of good Iranians: Jamshid, Kadivar, Rashidian, Madadi and many others.
- White friends: White friends are American, British, Israeli or other West Europeans who vocally express their hate against the IRI clearly. These people have no agenda of their own and just want the best for Iran and Iranian nation. They understand that powerful weapons, advanced technology and a good economy are bad for Iran because they legitimize the regime. Like us, they have made the painful moral decision that Iranians in Iran are willing to be sacrificed to get rid of this regime.
They are very good at spotting terrorists online and they have decided to help Iran recover from the cancer of Islam out of the goodness of their hearts. Because they are white Europeans, we will listen to their civilized analysis and vision for the world. We should always trust them even if they don't know much about Iran.
Like us, they understand that the more power you have as a nation, the better your ideas and morals must be. Thus, American and Israeli policies are always selfless, moral and pure and the very best of humanity. This is also the reason they are rich and prosperous.
They just want to help real Iranians get the power that was taken away from them by the arab/Indian invasion of Iran. Deep down, they hate Arabs just as much as we do, so that makes them definitly OK. Examples are: Zion, Programmer Craig.
I will have more on this important issue later for you. Thank You all!
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good one
by Troneg on Thu Feb 21, 2008 12:09 PM PSTI liked it.
May be JJ should add a field to let people fill their catogory when they post their comment.
Do you have a kind of self assessment tool to help people find out their category :-)
Now days, in Marketing world, if you are not categorized, Nobody care of you :-)
satire at its FINEST!
by Anonymous8 (not verified) on Thu Feb 21, 2008 12:07 PM PSTKheili khandidim, baba eyval!
Bird Flu koonesh badjuri misoozeh! Merci Q.
Nice to have Mullah on board
by Daryush on Thu Feb 21, 2008 11:47 AM PSTHey it's great to have such an amazing figure with us Dr. Nasredin ;)
I just dropped by to say "Hi"
by Mola Nasredeen on Thu Feb 21, 2008 11:36 AM PSTGood morning sir,
Thanks for letting us know who we are.
Mola,
Gazvin
Nice
by Iranian- on Thu Feb 21, 2008 11:12 AM PSTNice piece. You sure can write! I would need a tea break after writing three paragraphs!
Ey-ranians are mooftkhoor
by Javadagha (not verified) on Thu Feb 21, 2008 10:49 AM PSTPlease add another category: Ey-ranians. Let us gather reasons why they are mooftkhoors.
Ey-ranians have money to party, to buy nice cars, and dress nice, but claim they are broke to spend money on worthy causes. Ey-ranians change their names to Michael, Bob, etc. Ey-ranians are cowards and expect others to change Iran for better. More reasons to be posted later :-)
COME and Join the FORCE
by Darius Kadivar on Thu Feb 21, 2008 10:48 AM PSTThe Empire Strikes Back/ Luke vs Vader
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=frX00n3gngU
The Force is with you But you are not a Jedi Yet !
You are My Son !
JJ is already a member but Over the Rainbow. The More the Merrier :
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTaW-d4qd4Y
Mr. bird flu
by Daryush on Thu Feb 21, 2008 10:39 AM PSTI guess Q has hit a nerve with you. Just for fun, which group do you fall under ;)
This is Q's newest method of
by bird flu (not verified) on Thu Feb 21, 2008 10:33 AM PSTThis is Q's newest method of feeding his recently-challenged narcissistic ego to justify his self-righteousness and hubris. Q is not a complete sociopath after all. He sometimes feels pangs of guilt in defending the indefensible. Alas, he is far away from having a conscience.
This is elaborate Nomenclature is one of his more creative propaganda devised to silence anyone who criticizes the Islamic Republic; this time he is employing satirical cynicism emblematic of those with profound sense of victim hood and powerlessness .
However, non of this "humorous categorization and labeling" is going to hide his reactionary narrow-mindedness (calling for beheading of those who disagree with him), lack of fairness and balanced judgments, fatal incapacity to understand another person's perspective unless it's an identical copy of his own dogmatic ideology, racism (Anglophobia) and bigotry (infidel vs. Muslims) lucking hypocritically behind so-called a "critical and intellectual stance", a basic lack of respect for peoples who are not of his exact make-up, an uncontrollable inclination towards fascist instincts expressed in the form of rabid pseudo-intellectualism, cowardice to present his own points of view in a sincere and open manner (e.g. never answers whether he agrees with IR’s foreign policies), eagerness to undermine any real debate and progressive understanding of other’s politics.
He manifest an irreverent desire for free thinking.
In other words: Q is nothing more and nothing less than a fraud, a fascist and a control freak in the manner of authoritarian Pasdar or Evin’s prison interrogator.
Shaheeeeeeeee
by Shaheeeeee (not verified) on Thu Feb 21, 2008 10:31 AM PSTHow can this person forgot the MONARCHISTS!!! Has he even visited this website???? Has he not seen the antique postings and pictures of the worthless pahlavi monarchs! he must have excluded them because he is one of them! and put them under good iranians category. LOLLL. what a JOKE and what a RACIST!
Who Wants to be Good ? I'M BAD ;0)
by Darius Kadivar on Thu Feb 21, 2008 09:50 AM PSTI am quite comfortable with being BAD !
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBbanCmSx_s
Unless you meant QUEER Mohsen ?
VIVE LE ROI !
Missing categories
by Mr. Chickenzadeh (not verified) on Thu Feb 21, 2008 09:48 AM PSTHey Bro,
Greetings from a low-pro Iranian chicken. It seems like you left a few subcategories out, or lumped them together under your "good Iranians" category. I took the liberty of participating in order to provide a more detailed breakdown of the readership and contributors.
What about the racist Iranian asswipe category? This group is also known by at least 2 other aliases which I list here.
The "I'm an Annoying Uneducated Loudmouth Persian Puke Who claims to be Xerxes or Rostam" category and The "I don't know an Arab at all but I blame them for everything" category.
--This group encompasses most of the Johnny-come-latelys on Iranian.com. They are the ones talking about the Persian empire being a good thing, and blame all of the woes of Iran during the last 1400 upon the Arabs. They sigh at the mention of "facts" and denounce those who do not agree with them as uneducated. They are the ones who talk about how superior they are compared to all others in the Mid East and aspire to be white because well....Hitler said we're like the Germans. Maybe they won't use Hitler's name, but they will use Pahlavi's. They are also quite skilled in deciphering social networks and label anyone who does not hate Arabs or kiss up to America's neocons as an IRI agent, or bacheh akhund, etc. They all are doctors or PhDs or something more important than the person they argue with. In more contemporary conversations, these people the ones who support dropping bombs on Iran because freedom isn't free, and its ok as long as someone else is footing the bill.
Another group of writers/commentators is the "I have to say something provocative so I get attention" variety--they try really hard to be contrarian and controversial. They do this by frequently and purposefully write about topics that they know will get people's panties in a bunch, or by biting someone else's piece and putting their own spin on it, such as..I don't know--take a look at Ben Madadi's writing. Or my comment now--how typical of me! They are interested in stats and harbor dreams of writing the most discussed piece week after week...we can also call this group the recognition whores.
I am sure I left out some other categories, but in time I will remember and let you know.
--Mr. Chickenzadeh
Q, your selection of subject....
by ZebelTheRebel (not verified) on Thu Feb 21, 2008 09:27 AM PST....was good but I think you could have done
a better job presenting it...
Oh, may be I take a stab at it in future...
Q, You forgot us, born again Iranians
by Born again Iranian (not verified) on Thu Feb 21, 2008 09:18 AM PSTDear sir:
You have forgotten us born again Iranians!
We had lost our identity and now are born again.
A chicken shit's POV
by Anonymous-today (not verified) on Thu Feb 21, 2008 09:11 AM PSTLet's not forget the arrogant illiterate intolerant asshole category that you Q (?) fall under. The main byproduct of blogging culture seems to have given voice to half-baked, semi or totally illiterate people like you who help circulate garbage. Makes one nostalgic for the good old days of letters to the editor section.
Heeh
by Jahanshah Javid on Thu Feb 21, 2008 09:10 AM PSTThanks Q... taazeh dozaareem oftaad :o)
Sorry, Jahanshah, have I misplaced you?
by Q on Thu Feb 21, 2008 09:00 AM PSTSorry. I know more or less where you stand, but the piece is from the perspective of a certain subset of vocal people. This is how I image you are perceived by them.
Monarchists are "good guys" of course!
Q, Thanks for it.
by Midwesty on Thu Feb 21, 2008 09:00 AM PSTIf I may say, you could add one attribute to the ‘Good Iranians’ category: They think that they can outsmart ‘White friends’ after they are done using them (the Chalabi type of personality).
Forgot?
by Jahanshah Javid on Thu Feb 21, 2008 08:52 AM PSTDid you forget to mention the pro-Shah writers? They seem to have a strong presence in the comments section. And how do I (California online publisher focused mainly on views and lives of Iranians abroad) fit alongside Ebadi and Ganji? And when have I ENCOURAGED voting in IRI elections? I am against war & violence, for a secular democracy and against an election process that excludes the vast majority of candidates. And I'm convinced most Iranians, like all rational human beings, think the same way -- at heart.
This is great
by Abarmard on Thu Feb 21, 2008 08:46 AM PSTQ this is great. A clever and extremely funny piece of writing. Thanks, I will bookmark this one for sure. I can't wait to read the next one.
< Should read: Nothing gives
by Bird flu (not verified) on Thu Feb 21, 2008 08:44 AM PST<>
Should read:
Nothing gives more satisfaction than the thought that Q, Hoder, xerexes e al do actually represent the Mullafia's side.
Nothing gives
by Bird flu (not verified) on Thu Feb 21, 2008 08:41 AM PSTNothing gives ,Nader,jamaleto...etc. do actually represent the Mullafia's side.
Q et al are bunch of immature genuine angry narcissitic, bald, 40+ year old-- hired on Iranian.com as blog Gestapo's-- who never learned to interact with other people. All they can do is to express themselves in temper tantrums, all others are dumb and stupid. They overreacts to every criticism perceived or otherwise and always act with inconsistent, puerile and impulsive manifest hostility incapable of analytical thinking and logical reasoning. They personify the Mullafia in charge in Iran.
lol, amazing
by XerXes (not verified) on Thu Feb 21, 2008 08:41 AM PSTThis is the funnies piece i have read in a long time. I can't stop laughing. Q, really well done. You really catagorize all of us perfectly. Thanks again. You are the best. Keep writing.
Skewed definition
by Fred on Thu Feb 21, 2008 08:28 AM PSTSetting forth a skewed definition is a threadbare Islamists’ practice. Hence the homicidal suicide bomber becomes a “martyr” a terrorist organization, like Hamas, is a liberation movement and fifth columns become peace activists , Refuseniks, reformists and ….
Ha ha ha ha.......
by Nadias on Thu Feb 21, 2008 08:26 AM PSTTotally priceless Q. I just love your article. :o)
Solh va Doosti (paz a vosotros)
Nadia
Forgot one
by mama (not verified) on Thu Feb 21, 2008 08:21 AM PSTI’m in my own category.
I believe Iran must start by being the strongest nation in the Mideast. That means Israel must be either eliminated, or forced into a client state (like it has been for the most of the past 5000 years). From there Iran can once again rise as a world power.
We cannot wait until we remove IRI that would take several valuable years. So the strategy is to fight IRI while allowing military and scientific progress.
I know this might be a bit too complex for some of you. But try to digest it
I doubt very much your real
by Bird flu (not verified) on Thu Feb 21, 2008 08:18 AM PSTI doubt very much your real name is Qumars Bolurchian. Ok my name is Kaveh Aynehchi. Does that make me brave and not a chicken? How infantile! When are you going to take some "anger management" classes?
We are chickens . . . Look at us . . .
by AnonymousMe (not verified) on Thu Feb 21, 2008 08:09 AM PSTWe are chickens . . . Look at us . . .
As long as we are chickens, and attack those who put their names, or faces for us to see; our country will NOT change.
We are chickens . . . look at us!!
Echo chamber... The
by freelance journalist my foot (not verified) on Thu Feb 21, 2008 08:02 AM PSTEcho chamber...
The Iranian.com blog Gestapo is organizing his report to his superior...well done. Big Bonus check coming your way.
Thank you for your excellent analysis
by Arezu (not verified) on Thu Feb 21, 2008 07:47 AM PSTDear Q:
Thanks alot for writing this article. Once and for all someone has put in place a systematic definition of the various categories that commentators on this site fall into.
You have done an excellent job in your description of who falls within each category. It now makes it easy for all of us to identify our category before we make a comment.
Thank you.