my journey to neverland, naakojaa aabaad :D

yup, i did it. i, once again, quit. i don't think it's in my nature, necessarily, but for sure of second nature. It is my addiction. i am a quit addict. and i'm thinking to myself: "it's all right, every body is flawed somehow, right?"and i had to wait till i'm well into my 35th year of experience here, wherever this mindf#*kword "here" is, to have MY eureka moment that, duh! i'm not perfect but i'm here to move the evolution, takaamol in farsi (an arabic word, but a word used in farsi non-the-less). And while we’re at it, here's another meaning for takaamol in english: perfection. now mind you, i'm still typing my eureka experience, it's a first time i've had it, or the first time for a long time at least. and who doesn't love the firsts? any of them. hell, there is nothing more extreme than near-death experiences and we hear stories, true or lie, not sure, but stories for sure, about how so many survivors want to feel it, probably not exactly the same way as their last, for one more time. So, here I was finding out that I am a part of evolution (I try to keep my big head under radar at all times, so I’m gonna add that) not a big part, by all means, not a noticeable one either, but it’s a part. if this evolution sh!t was a Hollywood movie and the film required extras, I probably would fit into the group 3000-4000 in lord of the rings. Honestly, at this point, I’m not sure how bad I’m needed for this project. Still! You never know! So if my job is to hold still for one scene next to another odd ten thousand extras, from now on I’m gonna make damn sure that I am doing it to the exact. I’m gonna try to perfect it. We call it evolution, perfection, takaamol. We don’t call it perfect, kaamel, evolved, it’s not yet. So, I’m not perfect (no sh!t Sherlock), then why the hell would that make me, FORCE me to quit? Yes, I’m admitting that I’m not perfect, and that’s why every time I wanted to do something, I would quit in days to years. And would not turn my back and leave it in the archives under T for to-be-forgotten? I know it was hard for me to say it, but here is to another first.I strongly believe, and I’m saying that only because I have seen it happen for the past 35 years, that I will quit again. to present my case better, this is my third entry since I started doing so. That was always the hardest part of any project. I always feel like I’m short of ideas,. I stop, not stumble, stop right on the beginning for a while, a long while, and stare, where to? I don’t know. But I stare. Sometimes it’s at the start line, others at the horizon, or even some other directions. One thing for sure, I stare. On the other hand it’s power-draining not knowing how to finish the project, or where to call the project done, takmeal. I can stay on one project for a lot longer that it takes for others to finish because I’m not sure if I’m satisfied. That’s when I realized that I am an evolution within the evolution. I’m going towards the peak of takaamol, evolution. And I don’t have much time. I might never reach it. But then again, at least I did show up. Right? I was in the movie. I was a part of the trilogy. You can either take my words for it or since you don’t know me, you don’t trust me and tell me I’m bluffing. For such an epic, it’s basically your words against mine. At least I have 3 logs to prove it, bitch.and now I’m f^&king scared sh!tless cause I wonder what exactly a eureka moment is supposed to do to you. If this is the turning moment, then crap, I might reach enlightenment pretty soon and then I’m nothing. Oh, well, maybe I quit because I want to be immortal. Hey, another eureka! You can’t have your eureka moment and be immortal. That’s the cake they all have been talking about. You realy can’t have it, eat it or whatever. I guess these two ingredients don’t mix. You are either enlightened or immortal. Look in the stories. All immortals had to sell their soul and become immoral first.Peace,