When Roxana Saberi was arrested, the outpouring of support and sympathy was more than tempered by expressions of suspicion, conspiracy theories, and outright accusations, and gave much pause to much drama. I don’t think we’ll every know for sure, and I am still not sure which way I’d go personally on it, but as I thought about it, I thought that the question was not really a question of if Roxana Saberi was a spy for the US, but more a question of Why the Hell Wasn’t She?
The following however, is entirely fiction. I have merely imagined a parallel universe scene following the news of her arrest. Nothing is meant to be taken or construed as true or fact. Again, the following is fiction. Or humor, depending on your transit paperwork.
Oh, and all of this was inspired by Ari Siletz So blame or credit him as appropriate.
Mast Mast Kangar Mast! Shamsi, Maa-leh Haji Agha’st. “So, what do we do now?” the handler interrupted the long silence the room had just been filled with.
“Someone’s going to have to go in there and tell him.” someone muttered from behind the shadow of the projector.
“It sure as hell ain’t goin’ to be me, that’s fer’ damn sure!”, the short red faced crew cut marine barked from the darkness at the end of the table. “I had my ass kicked explainin’ Tora-Bora!”
“Are you absolutely positive that she was arrested?” the handler asked. His voice sounded like he was sweating.
“That’s what CNN reported less than half an hour ago.” the mutterer muttered.
“Well someone has to go in and tell him.” Another handler said, as if saying it once more would somehow magically make it happen.
“How in hell did she get caught?” The marine barked again.
“Seems like they got her for buying wine.” the handler replied short, obviously annoyed at the irrelevance of the question. “That’s not important now Bill, we’ve got to find out whether or not her contact was compromised. Does anyone have an update on where our Swiss guy is on this?”
“Moeller is on his way right now, he’s caught in traffic.” an assistant chirped a bit too cheerfully at the opportunity to answer a question she knew the answer to.
“Well, let me know as soon as he gets here, I need answers people! I’m NOT going in there and tell the President of the United States that our single most important contact into the Iranians in 3 decades has just been arrested over a God-Damn-Fucking Merlot!”
“Now somebody please get me some coffee. All of you are staying here until we get this sorted out, hear me?”
The handler snapped his brief shut, and stormed out of the room.
The Marine started to say something, and someone said, “Please Bill, not now…”. Everyone got up and quickly made their way out of the room. As they walked down the long blue carpeted hallway, the only sound was the shuffling papers, briefs, and that tightening sound of fear, that underwear makes. .
Meanwhile 2 days earlier…..
عصر بعد از ظهر که دود الودگی شمال شهر رنگ نارنجی – سورتی اخر روز را به جای سفید معمولی یک روز سرد زمستونی را به جاه گذاشت.
رئیس منطقه با دو تا معمور ازطرف مسافراز یکی از ماشینهای غرازه تر از ماشینهای کم تشخیستر سازمن پیاده شد.
خاک تو سرت اسد، اخه این جور پارک کردنه؟
گفتین همینجا، خوب منم زدم همونجا دیگه.
اخه احمق وقتی میگم همینجا…
رئیس شروع دهن زنی روزانه دستیارانش رو وسط حرفش قطع کرد.
حالا وقتش نیست، گوش بدین حوصلتونو اصلا امروز ندارم. تورو خدا بزارین اینو بدون اشکال ورداریم و بریم، سرکار خیلی سرم شلوغه و امشب زری ننش ازمشهد بر میگرده.
اقا اصلا نگران نباشید، من و اسد سه روزه خانومو خوب خوب هواشو داشتیم،هیچ کاری نداره.
و با این سه تنی به طرف در اپارتمان شمال شهری رفتند. رئیس قبل از اینکه زنگ مربوط رو به زنه یک بار اخر برگشت وبه دو دستیارش اشاره حواستون باشه رو داد.
بعد از دو تا زنگ، خانوم جوانی با چهره نیمه چینی در سنگین دکور اوروپایی رو باز کرد و با لهجه خارجی شروع به اسرا کرد.
