I know that we are all very anxious for the World Cup to start so that we can cheer for Iran in a 20-year, long-awaited, appearance on the world soccer scene.
This is it!
No more hollow Asian Cup victories, I mean who is in the Asian cup anyway? Brazil? Germany? Italy? France? Holland? Hell, even Cameroon ain't in the Asian Cup. How can a man truly measure himself unless he goes up against the best of men?
We come from a land of kings and conquests,
pahlevan's and
daleers, dammit! It is in our most basic of instincts to push, pull, stretch, strain, bet, wrestle, dance, drink, pass excruciatingly tough University of Tehran entrance exams, and live our lives in a constant state of intense competition. This is our credo.
Even the revolution was a competition of sorts, if you think about it. Just another guy pissed off at another guy for riding around in a cooler car!
The Point: My point with this article was to trace a path the Iranian national team could take in order to win the cup. Please accept my simplification of the order of events and definitely question my statistical error. This is only hypothetical and to write this I had to put aside journalistic objectivity in favor of desperate optimism and self flagellation. Here's how it could go:
Round One:
Iran beats Yugoslavia: C'mon, easily! The only fear Yugoslavia has is if the Bosnians ever put a team together. They'll underestimate Iran which as we all know is a BIG mistake.
This is it!
No more hollow Asian Cup victories, I mean who is in the Asian cup anyway? Brazil? Germany? Italy? France? Holland? Hell, even Cameroon ain't in the Asian Cup. How can a man truly measure himself unless he goes up against the best of men?
We come from a land of kings and conquests,
pahlevan's and
daleers, dammit! It is in our most basic of instincts to push, pull, stretch, strain, bet, wrestle, dance, drink, pass excruciatingly tough University of Tehran entrance exams, and live our lives in a constant state of intense competition. This is our credo.
Even the revolution was a competition of sorts, if you think about it. Just another guy pissed off at another guy for riding around in a cooler car!
The Point: My point with this article was to trace a path the Iranian national team could take in order to win the cup. Please accept my simplification of the order of events and definitely question my statistical error. This is only hypothetical and to write this I had to put aside journalistic objectivity in favor of desperate optimism and self flagellation. Here's how it could go:
Round One:
Iran beats Yugoslavia: C'mon, easily! The only fear Yugoslavia has is if the Bosnians ever put a team together. They'll underestimate Iran which as we all know is a BIG mistake.
Iran beats USA: Given and guaranteed! The USA team is made up of over-the-hill Major League Soccer veterans trying for one last Snickers commercial to retire with and move onto their Late Night ESPN2 contract announcing the play-by-play on “Extreme-Nude Snowboarding!” sponsored by Budweiser. They have no investment to win.
Iran beats Germany: Clearly the hardest game, Iran has always been in awe of the German style (joon! Beh eM Weh ro beram), but Khodadad was BORN in the right place at the right time! Germany doesn't have any emotional reason to win, but Iran wants to impress them with how closely we have emulated the German style of play. Did I hear: “Zegheshk!” (zereshk with a Bavarian accent)?
