From: KKK Grand Wizard
To: Mr. John White
In our recent meeting, we decided that the last name “White” was not appropriate for you. As a Black man it does not reflect the color of your skin and must be changed immediately. We
further determined that to protect the purity of the White race, you must stay away from last names such as Offwhite, Glossywhite, or any other shade of white or even Beige.
To intimidate you, we performed a cross-burning ceremony at your porch last Thursday night. Unfortunately, during this operation one of rookie knights left his hood and robe at your place. By making this obvious error he has jeopardized the secrecy of the Klan.
This Goddamn Bobby Fletcher will never turn into a full-fledged KKK member. I have lost confidence in the clumsy bastard. He had also left an empty can of beer on the job site which constitutes littering and he could be fined up to $200.
Do you remember Bobby, Mr. White? The chubby retarded-looking son of James Fletcher? Bobby was the little cute chubby kid in white robe who was with his dad the night we burned a cross on your porch 18 years ago. James has always taken him on jobs like this and he still hasn't got it yet.
Believe me sir, if it wasn't for his dad, I would never let him protect the White race. I assure you that after this fiasco he will not have my blessings for permanent membership. However, please return the hood and robe in the enclosed stamped envelope to my home address.
I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.
KKK Grand Wizard
PS: I think I have a plumbing leak at my house, is your 10% off coupon still good? Would you take a look at it and give me an estimate?