21 January 2003
I had come to a point where I just cried and cried. I know THEY weren't worthy of my tears, but I just couldn't stop crying. I felt so unbelievably cheated, I could just scream. I didn't scream, I just closed my eyes and thought about every second, every day of the last six months. I remembered every little detail, which I had missed. How could I have been so naive. What a cow I was. How didn't I see them flirt when it was so obvious? How could I have been so blind?
I always thought of myself as a person when knew a lot about men. How could I miss it? I always knew people the second I saw them. I, on the other hand, have always been a mystery for others. Only my close friends and relatives know me and actually even they don't know me completely.
That day I walked around with the feeling that I had failed. The thing I knew about myself, my one strong point, had abbandoned me and I felt weak.
My phone rang. I could just imagine who it could be — certainly not a person I was longing to talk to, but I picked it up and heard Negin's voice.
“What do you care?”
“Awisa man doostetam!”
“HAH! Two more friends like you and I wouldn't need any enemies. Why did you do it Negin? Just tell me why? Just be honest for once and stop telling me it isn't true! If you want us to stay friends, I have to know.”
“Awi, I've already told you the truth. The only mistake I made was to not tell you.”
“Negin, I don't believe you, I really don't.”
“Awi, bekhodaa, I'm swearing to you on my father's grave. BE GHABRE BAABAAM GHASAM!”
“Negin, alaki ghasam nakhor, once you even swore that I was like a sister to you. The Omid we know is too much of a fool to come up with a story like this. If he wanted to ruin you, or ruin our friendship, he wouldn't be so modest!”
“Awi, bekhodaa. He liked me and he called me. I even told him not to call me anymore. I told him I was going to tell you. Why do you think he waited until I was in Iran to tell you this. He knows I can't do shit here. He knows I have no control when I'm here. He would never say such a thing in front of me.
“Negin, bikhiyaal. Until you are ready to tell me the truth, I have nothing to say to you.”
“AWISA YOU BELIEVE A BOY INSTEAD OF YOUR FRIEND?”
“NEGIN YOU ARE THE ONE WHO LET THAT 'BOY' COME BETWEEN US. TELL ME SOMETHING, WAS IT WORTH IT? WAS A FLING WORTH OUR FRIENDSHIP?”
And I hung up. I started having doubts. I knew Omid wasn't that smart to make up such a story. But Negin, on the other hand, could have hidden her story, with back up plans and all. She had told Abbas, Shima and a couple of other people about what Omid was doing. About the fact that he was calling her and ofcourse about the fact that she didn't want to have anything to do with it.
I knew Negin for more than two years. I knew her smart character. She was really ZERANG! And I knew that if this was really the case, she would have come and told me straight away. She wouldn't have hidden it from me. This was where she made her mistake. This was the point I would never believe. That's why I didn't trust her word anymore. The Negin I knew wouldn't hesitate to tell me what was going on.
And it wasn't the first time she had stolen a boyfriend. What did she do to Nahal? Abbas was Nahal's boyfriend first, even though it was just a chat relationship. Negin and Abbas were also just chat friends. But what Omid and I had was real.
I was so confused. I layed down on my bed. My head was bursting from the pain. My lips were dry and my eyes red. Ghalat kardam ke raftam too in chat. I wish I could undo it all. Wish I'd never met these people, if you can call them people. HEYVOONAA! My heart was filled with hatred.
TO BE CONTINUED