— “Passport!”
— “Errrr… I don't have one my child…”
— “Hmpph!!! Another refugee uh? Well them show me your travel document.”
— “I… I am sorry sir, I don't know what you mean. You want to see my itinerary?”
— “Awfergedsake… Did you eat your passport in the plane? Are you another one of those applying for asylum?”
— “Plane… Why no… I … I didn't come by plane… See… There's this couple of reindeers that I… “
— “Well if you didn't come by plane, did you try to jump the fence eh? Thought you could smuggle in through Tijuana and hide a couple of kilos under your hat. Take off your hat Sir!”
— “Ummm… errr… This is most unusual… Here, see? Nothing under my hat? I carry all my presents in my duffel bag.”
— “Presents? Yeah right! And I suppose you have them all wrapped up and taped…”
— “Well yes… isn't that how the kids like their presents?”
— “Listen I don't care about your kids! Step aside, I have to open every single item and inspect them…”
— “But…but… but you'll ruin the wrapping paper! And the bows!”
— “Well you should have thought about that before! I mean look at you: With your long beard and your strange brightly-colored costume, you practically have 'Fanatical Muslim' tattooed on your forehead!”
— “I… I am sorry… I … I am not a fanatical anything…I swear I…”
— “Yeah, yeah whatever! Ok you're going to have to come with me, I need your fingerprints and…”
— “Wha… What?… Why?… Listen my son, you don't seem to understand… I don't have very much time here…”
— “ARE YOU THREATENING ME SIR? ARE YOU MAKING A THREAT AGAINST OUR NATIONAL SECURITY?”
— “Nnn… No… Ho Ho Ho… No of course not… I am just trying to explain…”
— “Yeah well go explain it to the judge, now give me your hands so I can handcuff you…”
— “Oh…Oooohhh… My goodness… Ohhhh…You are hurting me, these are too tight…”
— “Keep moving old man, you better hurry up. It's the last of my shift and I gotta get home. Haven't you heard? It's Christmas!”
