You've heard about it in talk shows. You've seen it in documentaries. You've even witnessed the peers, mostly female talk about it in the healing circles at your gym but you somehow never quite understood just what the fuck they are talking about. How can you possibly have orgasms — and even better, multiple ones — without a pair of helping hands or even better without involving your own helping hands!?
Well, I don't know about you but I for one need a good half hour of full body contact, hand job and a tooth Free B.J. to be able to get anywhere close to an orgasm.
I am awed when people talk about their kundalini experience, of how they sit, eyes shut and cross legged and concentrate on the flow of energy in their bodies and all of the sudden feel the heat creeping up their bodies rushing into their heads and BOOM! Hazy thoughts, violent shivers and wild sighs, one mind blowing orgasm you can only experience once a year for $250, if you are lucky! I never really understood any of that until last weekend when I was introduced to the phenomenon, Multiple Orgasm.
I was walking up and down the aisles of the interior design show minding my own business and some other odd looking, soft speaking, leather pants wearing individuals', when this young fellow approached me and with an enthusiastic tone asked me if I wanted to try their new drink. I saw the Starbucks sign from the corner of my eyes and thought, “what the heck! It's Starbucks!”
So I picked one of the sample cups and gulped it down nonchalantly trying to zone him and his two-cent-sales-pitch out. But I blacked out for a split second. When I came to, I back paddled and picked another sample cup, guzzled it down like a way low dope head yearning for his after hour high. Speechless and confused, I hurried back to the chap and stuttered, “What is this?”. And that's when I was introduced to the new love of my life, drink of heaven, the gift of God… , Ladies and Gentlemen, my new addiction: Chantico!
So I wrapped up the tour with couple of quick flirts and swapping phone # with a couple of hot chicks and one leather wearing guy!! After the show, I decided that it's been a long day and I needed to treat myself to something to make me feel good, something that doesn't need two hours of sweet talking, something that I don't need to spend big bucks to make me forget for a while.
So I stopped at the closest Starbucks and asked the guy behind the cashier for the heavenly drink, “Make it Grande!” I said. The dude's mouth felt to the floor. “Are you sure?” he said, “We serve this drink in small cups. You might not need chocolate for the rest of the week!!” Now, I can literally live on chocolate alone, that's how chocoholic I am! So I just gave him a quick bored look and stayed silent. When the barista announced “Grande Chantico” all heads in Starbucks turn to see the one who flew over the cuckoo's nest first hand.
As soon as I got comfortable in the subway car, I started sipping and enjoying my twelve stops to home. It started to kick in shortly. I felt warmer inside but it wasn't just the inside that was changing. Everything looked and felt different on the outside too, in a good way. Suddenly the car didn't stink of the medley of cheese, feet and ass but like a full can of air freshener and the nut job sitting across from me and playing with himself didn't look crazy but very sensitive, not to mention entertaining.
Suddenly the annoying school kids who'd rather shout then talk didn't look like a bunch of gun carrying fuckheads but innocent teenagers. I was just halfway through the cup and the world seemed like a better place already. I kept getting hotter and hotter and people in the subway kept getting foxier and foxier! I seemed to have reached the destination both physically and metaphorically.
As I got off the car, I started to REALLY get off! The heat crept up my legs into my spine up my head and then back down to my entertainment centre! I was floating somewhere between When Harry met Sally's “oh yes, yes, YES!” And Monster's Ball's “Make me feel good!!”
I was sweating and shaking and by the time I reached the station's entrance, I had entered the gates of bliss and reached the wildest orgasm ever. I was wet here, down there and everywhere in between. I can't for the life of me, remember when and how I got home but as soon as I entered the door, I threw myself on the bed. I was spent and desperately craving a Marlboro King, except I don't smoke!
Anyway, long story short, I experienced most people only dream about. Touch free orgasm and the best part was I didn't have to roll over pretending that I care and say: “Was it good for you too?!”
Instead, I am glad to announce that my search for a meaningful relationship has ended and Chantico and I are going to live together happily ever after.