Bob: In the news this week was The Iranian Ambassador to the United Nations, Javad Zarif. Javad spent a good part of the week explaining that key Al Qaeda operatives inside Iran could not have participated in recent terrorist activities in Saudi Arabia. You seem to share some qualities with Iraqi ambassador, Muhammed al-Douri, do you know him?
Javad Zarif: Yes. We occasionally play Truth or Dare together. It usually ends pretty quickly with one of us daring the other to tell the truth.
Bob: Growing up, did you always want to be a U.N. ambassador?
Javad Zarif: Ever since I heard the Pinochio story was a farce, it has been my dream.
Bob: Did you have to have any special schooling?
Javad Zarif: I went to ACOD. Ahmed's College Of Deception.
Bob: Is that your diploma over there on the wall?
Javad Zarif: Yes it is. We all made our own. Isn't it authentic looking?
Bob: It looks great. I think a school name of Ahmed's College Of Deception may have trouble making it on any accredited listings though. What was your major?
Javad Zarif: I majored in Political Illusionism, and minored in Incomplete Sentences. It really was a great experience. For example, when we took a test, the papers were always thrown away. You were graded at how stealth you could be at seeing your neighbor's paper, or finding creative body parts to write answers on.
Bob: Can you apply these deceptive skills in your life at home as well as your obvious deployment at work?
Javad Zarif: Certainly. The other day I wanted to see this movie at the theater, so my wife asked me to look up the review for the movie in Omar's Movie Guide. Omar had written “Most people would like this movie to use as kindling for their fire”. So I read to my wife “Omar says 'Most people would like this movie'.” And we went. She didn't like it.
Bob: And they say a lot of people never get to put their minors to work. So what's the deal with these Al Qaeda guys, are they really in custody?
Javad Zarif: Oh yes. We have them under constant accommodation.
Bob: Sort of like Jamaican Visitors to their Sandals Resorts.
Javad Zarif: Yes, I hear the Jamaicans have many Americans and Canadians in custody in their country.
Bob: Did you ever consider a career in politics?
Javad Zarif: When is your next election anyway?
Bob: Oh boy. That's all we need! Hey everybody have a great week.
