We should have an eid parade too here in San Francisco. There would be Benzes and BMWs as part of the Persian parade, with unibrow women in the cars waving at the crowd. Andy music and Persian dance inspired by (what was his name, the gay dance teacher), unibrow women wearing headscarves, but showing their cleavage, dancing while they say “khejaalat mikesham”.
The crowd will line up all alongside Post Street near Union Square, dressed in traditional Iranian-American costumes designed by Versace, Valentino, Chanel — fake Chanel. They carry the symbols of haft sin in the convertibles and SUV cars, while the decoration of the sofreh haftsin is done by Afsar Khanom from Beverly Hills/The Valley. (she has also done wedding decorations for Afsanaeh, Parvaneh, Hooshang, Mehran, Sayeh, Mehrnia, and their friends and cousins. They all had the same sofreh aghd.)
The parade is then followed by traditional Iranian music with various instruments which most of the Versace-dressed crowd know nothing about. Yet, they are proud of their heritage, culture, and art. They just wish that their parents would teach them about the arts instead of teaching them how to marry a rich guy, and have Afsar Khanoom do their sofreh aghd, just like cousin Mehrnia and Hooshang. They know daff and santour, but can't tell the difference between the sound of daff and dombak. So, the musical instruments come with descriptive signs, courtesy of an activist, Mr. Ross from the Fillmore district of San Francisco.
Another part of the parade is the most influential and consistent Persian cultural activists. Among them are DJ Behrooz, Safar, Bardia, and Bahman who have drawn the Iranian people through Iranian music ($20 at the door, free if you know the DJ, the doorman, event coordinator, club owner, or their friends). They bring their famous music such as Talagh (mix, done by Safar), Range Chashmat Asal, Dokhtar Irooni, and the Bandari music which we all have memories with.
Those memories with Mexican Tequila, Russian Vodka, or Irish Whiskey, while shaking our booties and shoulders (as well as boobs, if we are not wearing a bra), screaming from the top of our lungs “Ameneh!”. When we make the Bandari train and follow each other around the room, it's really a rare moment that Iranian-Americans are united, following the same direction around the room, singing the same song, screaming for the same girl, Ameneh.
Some parents are against that ritual of the young party crowd, because screaming for Ameneh over shots of tequila (with or without lemon), is not a good way to unite, since it's not a good husband finding method. So, the rebellious ones, or in other words, the liberals, turn to non Iranian partners, who don't understand the meaning of Ameneh. All they know is that all this fake Chanel, the well behaved young Iranians, the Persian tea, and Meykadeh, are quite impressive. Add that to a few daff types of Persian concerts, and those liberals are in for a new cultural revolution.
That is Iranian-Americans + American partners = even more confused people than the Iranian-American parents.
The parade continues in front of the proud crowd, but people are talking too much and not paying attention to the content of the parade. People are running into each other on Post Street. So, they are busy saying hello, and ahval porsi, which we all know takes a long time if you have to name everyone in the family, and their kids and spouses too.
Once they get through ahval porsi, they take a quick glance at each other to see who is wearing what! All the doctors, engineers, lawyers, and the Shah's relatives are at the parade, proud of their cultural heritage. they love each other, while they are judging and measuring up each other. So, they pass out cards, and they help each other out after the parade, when Iranians need Iranians.
It's time for passing out sweets and ajil to the crowd. So, there is loads of tokhmeh japoni, nokhodchi kishmish, sohan asali, noghl, toot khoshk, badoom sookhteh, and pashmak. As crowds enjoy the sweets and the goodies, many have the urge to stick their finger in the samanoo bowl, but they know that it's not what the Shah's relatives would do. So, they resist the temptation, and save it for their own sofreh haftsin at home. But, it's not time to go home yet, as they can't miss out on the rest of the action. The one who leaves early, may be missing out on the action, and may become subject to gossip. So, they stick around, to see what's going to happen.
As the parade is close to completion, the crowd starts to move out of the area. But, all the non-Iranians confuse the Benz and BMW of the crowd on Post Street, and they think it's part of the parade, and truly the largest parade they have ever seen, with only German cars, hot ladies, and nice men, well-dressed women, and goodies to eat, which they really have to acquire a taste for, specially for badoom sookhteh.
Next stop is going to be Persian clubs at a few locations by different DJs. Depending on your level of coolness, and the group that you click with, you choose your own path to the next party. Some really want to be seen after the parade, so first, they go to restaurants, and again, it depends on their level of coolness. The choices vary from Iranian restaurants Meykadeh and Alborz, to restaurants in the Mission district, Embarcadero, or Pacific Heights. Market and Castro districts are really not the number one choice because it's way too casual/hippie. They save that for their non-Iranian friends, or for casual dates. There are too many free thinkers in that district. We like to be united, so we go where everyone goes.
Poetry, religion, politics, history??? Well, what about them? forget about them. We leave them for shabe jomeh gatherings at the W Hotel, or Harry's Bar. That's the event where we have a chance to talk to each other, since there is no gheri music at Harry's Bar. We also leave those heavy topics for emergency moments in our lives, when we feel we have to impress someone or when we need to leave the party scene because a certain age has hit, and it's time to stop the click, but go with the flow.
We also realize that there is a slight trend change in the Bay Area. Maybe San Francisco and it's yappies have outdone the Iranians by giving them a taste of their own medicine. So, it seems like cool means being understated on the outside, while you still do your best to impress.
The next morning we wake up with a hang over, but we have to go to work. We are ambitious hard workers, so work has to be done in order to pay for the German car, and the bill at nice restaurants. But, as superficial as we may feel sometimes, deep down we are happy to be a part of it. We know that at the end of the day Irooni is baa maarefat. Once we get past our judgments and defenses, we are really good, entertaining, tequila drinking, outgoing, fun loving, generous, ambitious, group of people who are not satisfied unless they are the best. All that with a good heart, family values, equipped with laser hair remover, hair relaxer, and lip liners!
Eide shomaa mobaarak
